It All Began When We Were Yay High
by grape-2010
Summary: I climbed down the rosemasked trellis that was right outside my window on the second story. It was pouring rain and thunder clapped overhead, but I just had to get away. I knew I’d be trouble for it tomorrow, but I had reached my limit. Rape in chapter fi
1. The Way Things Were

Chapter 1: The Way Things Were

I climbed down the rose-masked trellis that was right outside my window on the second story. It was pouring rain and thunder clapped overhead, but I just had to get away. I knew I'd be trouble for it tomorrow, but I had reached my limit.

I had accidentally dropped a plate while washing dishes and it shattered. My father had not been pleased. He yelled words I'd rather not mention at me. He told me I was worthless. When I tried to tell him that the thunder had frightened me and made me lose my grip, he scoffed and backhanded me across the cheek, then sent me to my room – after I had finished cleaning up, of course.

By now it was late and I had waited to make my escape until I heard my father turn off the telly and stalk into his bedroom.

My mum? Six feet under. Died last winter from a bad case of influenza. That's when everything turned around. My dad had become bitter, and for some unknown reason took out his heartache on me.

I leapt down the last two feet to the ground and tore off across the front lawn. My bare feet squished into the runny earth and splashed mud over my nightdress. Soon I was sprinting along the sidewalk, the pit-pat sound my feet were making drowned out by a fresh boom in the darkened sky.

One block… Two blocks… Three blocks… Four. I once again crossed a lawn and reached up to the wooden rungs of another trellis, only this one was covered in just creeping vines, no roses. There was a light on in the window of my destination that told me they were still awake doing God knows what. You could never predicate with those boys.

Looking in the window I saw them. Sure enough, they were all laughing at something Sirius had said. For a moment, just a moment, I envied them. Not for sure why, I guess because they were there, having a good time, when I had been stuck in my bedroom, scared out of my wits at what my dad had in mind to do next. I shook my head sharply. Lord forbid if my father's acidity ever rubs off on me. I tapped on the window. James' head spun around and he scrambled up from where he had been sitting Indian-style on the floor and hurried over to unlock and open the glass barrier separating us. He helped me inside, not caring how much my drenched red hair splattered on him. The others had already gone to get towels and call for Abby, James' mum. It was sort of a routine.

I was shivering furiously because of the freezing precipitation droplets that had pierced my skin. Abby came rushing in, followed my John, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, all clad in their nightwear.

"Good Heavens, Lily! It's down pouring out there! You're going to get sick!" Abby scolded. She didn't mean to, it's just what she does when she's overly worried, concerned, or scared for those she cares deeply about. I should know. I'm the closest thing she's ever had to a daughter… and a friend, well, since last winter, anyway.

She grabbed a blanket that had been folded neatly off the end of James' bed and wrapped it around my shaking body. She gently guided my over to the bed and sat me down. She started wringing out my hair with a towel. "James, give her one of your shirts and a pair of shorts." The black-haired boy immediately complied.

Ten minutes later, everyone had congregated in the sitting room in front of the fire. I was dry, clean, and steadily warming as I leaned against James and he had his arms around me securely.

My family and the Potters have been neighbors for as long as I can remember. My parents and Abby and John helped each other throughout my mom and Abby's pregnancies. James was born two hours before me, oddly enough. He and I have never had anything in common, from our likes to our dislikes, but you know what they say, opposites attract.

In the ten years we've been alive, we've learned to swim together, we rode our first bicycles together, we attended the parties our parents or their friends were always throwing together, and we even used to take baths together. Don't worry, that stopped when we were two. My point is: we're joined at the hip, the very best of friends, practically brother and sister.

It was only a month ago that we were at the park and noticed a moody-looking boy we guessed was around our age skulking around. Being the outgoing rebels we were, James and I decided to ask him to play football with us. He was snappy and ignorant at first, but soon he gave in to our persistence. Later we learned his name was Sirius, named after my favorite constellation, and now he's our best friend, besides each other. He was sitting on my other side.

I've always believed in fate and destiny, and I think it was just that that had James, Sirius, and I once again wondering the sidewalks heading to the park when we caught sight of a boy with light brown hair sitting on a bench, looking at his hands that were folded in his lap, appearing extremely lonely and bored. So, naturally, Remus became our fourth comrade when we invited him to a sleepover.

And lastly, just two days ago, the four of us were, obviously, making our way to the park when we came across a stout little pork being harassed, teased, and bullied by some other older kids. Being the tomboy I've become, and the mischievous group the four of us made when we were in sync, we had a few tricks up our sleeves, needless to say, waiting to be released. Peter is presently sitting on the floor confused, for we have not told him of my nor Sirius' home difficulties.

I inhaled deeply and let it out as a sigh of contentment. I loved it when I could just snuggle up to James. I can't explain how thankful I am to have him. I tell him everything. He was there when my mom got terminally ill. He's been there every time I come over with bruises from my father. He's warm and makes me feel safe. God, how grateful I am for him.

"What'd you do this time, Lils?" James asked quietly while stroking my hair out of my face.

"The thunder scared me and I dropped a plate. It broke."

"Your cheekbone is purple. What'd he do?" he inquired, lightly tracing my bruise. I winced because it was very tender. "We should put ice on that." Remus stood and went into the kitchen.

"When I told him it was an accident, he yelled at me and hit me. Then he had me clean up the mess and go to bed."

"What'd he say?"

"I'm an hideous little tramp that isn't adequate enough to be his daughter."

Abby spoke up. "He calls you ugly because you look like your mother and have inherited her beauty. You remind him of her. You're far from hideous, dear. And it's the other way around. _He's_ not worthy of being _your_ father. Not anymore, at least."

Remus came back and handed me the dishtowel filled with ice. "Don't believe him, Lily. You're the prettiest girl I've ever met."

"I can second that!" Sirius agreed.

I gave a small smile and nodded. I did, in fact, look so much like my mother it was uncanny. We shared the same "redhead complexion", meaning pale, freckled skin, pink lips, and blush-prone cheeks. My hair was more of an auburn color; you know, a darker red, not the bright orange type. I also had my mother's petite, curvy figure. She always used to comment on what a beautiful young lady I would become. Not to be arrogant or anything, but I can't help but hope she's right. I should be well off in looks as long as I grow a chest here in the next year or two. I must admit, aside from all the negative remarks I receive from my father, I have a lot of self-confidence and pride in who I am.

"What do you mean he hit you?" Peter hesitantly squeaked from the floor. Everyone looked from me to Sirius. We glanced at each other and spoke in a quick eye conversation, then nodded in permission.

It had always been John's job. He had explained my situation to James that first night I had run away, then to Sirius, and finally Remus. He started with a sigh. "Pete, don't tell anybody, okay? We do the best we can to nurse the injuries, but it's between parents and children, agreed?" Peter nodded vigorously. James pulled me closer in a tighter embrace. I didn't object. Who would fight it when you strangely seem to just mold into the other's shape?

"Well, with Lily, it all started just after her mum died last winter from a bad bout of the flu. Her father was so distraught, so helpless. Some kids' folks start nasty habits like drinking or smoking to make them feel better, but others feel the need to physically release the hurt. When Lily would do some petty thing wrong, like accidentally break a dish or knock something over or step on the cat's tail setting it in a fit, her father would take the frustration out on her. He sometimes hits her, or shakes her, or pushes her, or once when he got really angry for some stupid reason, he completely picked her up and threw her across the room. He's not some weak little nerd, never has been. If Lily's lucky, once in a while he'll only yell profanities."

I took deep, slow, steadying breaths and buried my face in James shoulder as he rocked me back and forth slightly (by now I was in his lap). It was the repulsive, shameful truth. I remember that time he threw me. My back had been stiff and sore for days and my shoulder had popped out of socket. When I had gone to James' house, he and Abby had to leave the room while I screamed as John forced it back into place. I shuddered from the memory.

"Now for Sirius, he, unfortunately, has suffered with being shunned since he could think for himself. Being short and to the point, he doesn't agree with the opinions of his entire family. He gets beaten, too, but I don't think it's as often as Lily. Don't get me wrong, that's a good thing. No offense, Lily."

I nodded, my face still covered by James' nightshirt. My intuition told me Sirius had grimaced by now because I heard Abby walk over and give him a motherly hug and pat his back. James probably would have, too, but I was feeling selfish at the moment. I wanted my best friend all for myself, so I clung to him. I felt him kiss the top of my head.

One thing always confused me though. There just had to be more to Sirius' story than John led on. Just like there was more to the flowerpot of dust the Potters always had full by the fireplace. Each time I ask about what the dust was for, they would just tell me it was ashes. Now, let's get something straight. I'm not a moron. I know for a fact that there has got to be more ashes than what could fill that pot. But if they're not leading on, I won't push.

Suddenly, I realized I could sometimes be a hypocrite. I just said I'm not dense, when here I am with an ice pack clutched in my hand, nowhere near my bruise. So that's what the painful pressure on my face was. I think I got some of the blonde genes from my father. At least it didn't show. I pulled away from James and sheepishly put the ice back under my eye. I glanced at Peter. He looked stunned and slightly overwhelmed.

As if a pail of cold water was poured directly over my head, I unexpectedly realized how exhausted I was. Resting my head on James' shoulder, Abby seemed to notice the time as well.

"Well, best you all be off to bed. Lily, you can sleep in James' bed and he'll move to the floor. We'll sort out arrangements so you can come over for a couple of days tomorrow. Oh, and there's something we need to talk to you about as well, but it's late, and we'll not burden you with it at the moment. Goodnight."

Something they had to discuss with me? What on earth could that be? I frowned as James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and I made our way upstairs and into our own rooms. Soon, though, I had forgotten about it when James laid down next to me in the bed. Mua ha ha ha ha… When did we ever listen to rules and regulations? He smiled at me and I returned it. We got into comfortable positions and sighed simultaneously.

"'Night, Lils. You okay now?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm with you. 'Night." I reached over and clicked off the lamp.

Just as I was about to fall asleep, I ventured, "Jay?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks for being there."

I felt him grope around for my hand. When he found it he squeezed it affectionately. "Anytime."

I had a small smile playing on my lips as I lapsed into a peaceful and dreamless slumber, my fingers still laced in his.


	2. The End

Chapter 2: The End 

I awoke the following morning alone but comfortable. Turning over, I glanced at the clock. I gasped at the time. It was 9:38 a.m. As I was trying to untangle my legs from the sheets in my distressed haste, I noticed a rather thick, yellowish piece of paper lying on James' pillow. I relaxed as I read its contents.

_Lils,_

_Sleep – you need it. Mum already talked to your dad and got some of your things. You'll be staying for a few days. The boys had to go home, though. If you're early enough, come get a good breakfast. Otherwise, lunch awaits you, my fair maiden. Then we have to sit down and talk._

_Love You,_

_Jay_

I smiled. Aw, hell. I hardly get a decent sleep anymore. My dad makes me do work for whatever he feels needs to be done until late, and then wakes me up to cook breakfast real early. I settled back down and pulled the duvet up to my chin. The bliss of unconsciousness took over me.

What seemed like ten minutes later, my eyes fluttered open – and I found staring at me, a big, gleaming pair of hazel ones. I started and blinked. Backing up a bit, I took in the image of James' amused smile inches away from my face.

"I see you took my advice of getting more sleep," he observed.

I took a deep breath and sat up, letting it out as a yawn. As I rubbed the sleep from the corners of my eyes, I replied, "Mmhmm. Don't get much of it at home. What time is it?"

James looked over at the clock. "11:54. Lunch is ready. I had come to get you, but you looked so peaceful that I couldn't bring myself to disturb you. You're bruise has gone down." He raised his hand to trace my cheekbone as he had done hours before, only this time I didn't wince. It was tender, but not stinging anymore. "I hate that this has to happen to you. If I could I would just take you away where you can't be hurt. I'm sorry."

I gave him a small smile and nodded. "I know. Well, I'm going to take a shower and come down, then. Where's my stuff?"

James looked behind him and pointed to the bathroom. "It's already in there." We got up from the bed and he walked over to the door that led to the hall, and I shuffled my feet over the bathroom. Before he left, he whined, "Hurry, will you? It's bloody lame downstairs. _And_ I can't eat until you get there. Chop, chop!"

I laughed. Between the two of us, we could probably eat an elephant. He just shoveled it in and never got full, whereas I can eat a lot, but never gain weight. I must have a very high metabolism or something.

I loved taking showers. The hot water washing you clean, massaging your scalp with lily-scented shampoo by your fingertips, the steam making it easier to breathe. I love it all.

Walking down the stairs in jeans and a sweatshirt, I felt more at home than I did at my actual house. One of my favorite sayings is: A house is made of brick and stone; a home is made of love alone. My loving home was here, with James, Abby, and John. The word 'affection' has probably never even been uttered at my house. My dad trounced all over me like I'm dirt, and my sister, Petunia, hated me out of jealousy. I haven't the tiniest idea of why, but I'd guess it's because of my looks and brains. Who knows with that brat?

Mmm… Spaghetti. My favorite. Oh, and…_sniff_…breadsticks! They shouldn't have… I giggled and entered the kitchen, taking my seat next to James. Remember when I said we have absolutely nothing in common? I make it a priority to remind myself to sit on his right side, otherwise our elbows would constantly bump into each other, for he was a lefty, and I was a righty.

"Finally!" James exclaimed and immediately filled his fork with pasta and meaty-sauce and stuffing it in his mouth. I laughed. He had a habit of making me do that. You gotta love him. I looked at Abby and John. Both were shaking theirs heads with small smiles betraying their mock-shame features.

"Mmm… My compliments to the chef!" I commended as I bit into a breadstick.

"Why, thank you!" James fake blushed.

"James, you didn't do anything," Abby chuckled.

James pouted. "But I like to think I did."

I patted his arm. "Whatever floats your boat." He grinned at me and we finished our meal.

After three helpings and I was fit to burst, I leaned back in my chair with a grin of satisfaction and put my hands behind my head. "So… What'd you want to talk to me about?"

The three Potters froze. My smile faded. Something told me they weren't just going to announce that there's no more ketchup. Abby dabbed her mouth with her napkin and sighed.

"Lily, dear, it's about school this autumn. James is going to attend a boarding school quite a ways away. He won't be going with you like usual."

_Thump_.

I fell of my chair. No, no, James can't leave me! He just can't! He's my rock! He's my best friend! He's my brother! HE'S ALL I HAVE! I started breathing heavy with my eyes as round as globes and scrambled up from the ground and turned to leave the kitchen, my head shaking violently all the while. James jumped up and tried to grab my hand, but I jerked it out of his reach and sped from the house.

"Lily! LILY, COME BACK!" I heard him shout. I kept going, retracing my steps that I had just ran last night. One block… Two blocks… Three blocks… I turned the last corner and mounted my trellis and burst through my window. Throwing off my soaked socks, I collapsed onto my bed and cried.

Meanwhile, back at the Potters, James stood stiff staring the door that led out of the kitchen, the door Lily had just left through. He was hurt, he hadn't wanted her to run like that. He didn't even say goodbye. He exhaled but with it came a dry sob. His mother was instantly at his side.

"Shhh… Don't worry, Jamie. She's not gone forever."

"W-what if I-I never s-see her again? I was hers, mum! I d-didn't want her to g-go!"

No matter what Abby did, she couldn't call him down for the life of her.

In the days that followed, James just sat in his room, staring out the window, thinking of Lily. Sometimes he would cry, and others he would just reminisce.

She never even let them explain.


	3. Reunion

Chapter 3: Reunion

I'm getting as far away as I can. I'm on a train going to 'Hogwarts'. Where this 'Hogwarts' place is, I don't know. Nor do I know what'll happen once I get there. All I know is three days after James betrayed me, told me he was leaving me, I got a letter from a strange place called 'Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry'. I hadn't believed it for one second and I threw it away straight afterward. But the next day, there it was again, sitting on the top of the mail pile. So, I gave it the benefit of the doubt.

Days later, a very strict-looking woman showed up at my door. I remember it because I was dressed in a pair of torn and dirty sweatpants and stained t-shirt, whereas she was in some long coat-looking thing, but appeared well off nonetheless. I was so embarrassed. She didn't seem to care though, and waited for me to change into something decent enough for an outing, and she took me somewhere. My dad had fallen asleep in his recliner while watching the telly, but had already approved this school for me to attend when I got the second letter and had hesitantly showed it to him.

Now, I know I shouldn't have gone anywhere with a stranger, but something about her made me trust her. And I'm glad I did. She took me to this dingy pub/inn in London with an owner named Tom. He was kind of weird looking. But wait, it gets better.

The old ladytapped a brick wall with a piece of wood.

I had just started to thinkshe was ludicrous when the bricks started to move to take the shape of an archway. When I saw what was on the other side, I fainted. When I was revived my eyes grew twice their normal size and never decreased. We were to be getting my school things, but I told her I had no money. She said the school would take care of it for me because I was an exception. Exception? But I soon forgot to be confused about why I was special when we began our shopping.

A week later, I went to King's Cross station, and sure enough there was the severe looking woman again to help me 'get onto the platform'. She never did introduce herself, mind you. She demonstrated walking through a wall and back. I fainted again. This time I awoke in, well, what I guessed was a compartment on the train called the Hogwarts Express she had told me about.

So, here I am, alone and scared. Thankfully, I didn't have to meet anyone the whole ride, for I didn't want to know anyone but James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. They will never be replaced. Once, though, a lady with a cart full of the _oddest_ looking, sweets, she called them, I had ever seen stopped by. I didn't take any.

For hours I just sat there, reading my schoolbooks thoroughly, taking in every word. It was really interesting actually, what I supposedly can, or will be able to do. From concocting potions to transforming inanimate objects into different things, I was in awe.

When the train stopped and I got off, a little uncertain about just leaving my things there, I heard thunder overhead. It suspiciously sounded like, "Firs' years, over here!" When I looked up, I saw that in all reality, it was only a very, _very_ large man. I could probably have fit into his palm! Well, maybe not quite so, but it seemed that way! He led us down a narrow path until we reached what seemed to be a gigantic lake. And there, on top of a mountain, was a magnificent castle. The man brought the first years over to some boats and we sat four to each one. I had to sit with a boy who introduced himself as Frank Longbottom, a girl by Alice Twain, and another girl by Shirley McGuire.

Have I ever mentioned I love water? It was so much fun riding across the huge lake, and the castle was one word: omigod.

My mouth fell open and my breath caught in my throat. So, it_was_ real! To many windows to count, many towers that differed in height, sturdy stone walls, grounds, and a forest. It was breathtaking. Literally. It was just so beautiful, silhouetted against the night sky. Words cannot describe it, though I just attempted to moments ago.

We went ashore and climbed up many, many stairs. So many that my legs will most likely cramp horribly tomorrow. We met with the old lady that had her black hair up in a bun so tight her eyes were slightly slanted and had helped me get my school supplies. She gave me a surreptitious nod of acknowledgement, in which I returned.

The extensive man introduced, "Firs' years, Professor McGonagall."

Professor McGonagall replied, "Thank you, Hagrid. I can handle it from here." Hagrid nodded and she gestured for them to follow her into the castle, through the vast entrance hall, and into a small, empty, and tight-fit chamber off to the side.

"Welcome to Hogwarts. The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory, and spend free time in your house common room.

"The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn your house points, while any rule breaking will lose house points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the house cup, a great honor. I hope each of you will be a credit to whichever house becomes yours.

"The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of the school. I suggest you all smarten yourselves up as much as you can while you are waiting."

What were we going to have to do? Take a test? I was so nervous I wasn't even hungry anymore. My palms started to sweat and I tried frantically to remember every word within the books I had just read. McGonagall returned and we followed her anxiously.

Now, even though I had read _Hogwarts, A History_ on the train, I couldn't have been prepared in the slightest for the room I entered. The ceiling looked just like the sky, in fact I was pretty sure the roof had been just plain ripped off, but I remembered that it was enchanted to appear just as the sky outside did. There were four very long tables, and candles were floating in midair. It was sort of intimidating to have all the eyes of the 300 or so older students staring at you.

About thirty, give or take a few, kids my age gathered in the middle of the Great Hall. McGonagall left and reappeared with a stool and an extremely ragged hat. She placed the stool in the front of the room and the hat atop it. The entire hall waited with baited breath until suddenly the brim of the hat opened. I gasped as it began to sing.

Many years ago,  
When I was just a hat,  
A feud settled amongst the founders four,  
And a brutal one at that.

Old Salazar wanted the school prim and proper,  
Only welcome to those most worthy,  
Muggleborns and half bloods gone,  
Hoping the others would agree with his prithee.

But wrong he was,  
For Godric set him straight,  
Saying all was to be allowed,  
He chided his once best mate.

So a defeated Salazar left the school,  
Only to make one last speech,  
'This is only the beginning', says he,  
Hoping one day to breach the peace.

That time is upon us now,  
Let us be aware,  
This is only the dawn,  
Before all is righteous and fair.

All pasts forgotten,  
We must unite,  
For two of you present,

Will fulfill a prodigy foresight.

But for now place me upon your head,  
Let all nervousness be,  
Which house do you belong?  
That we shall see.

Ravenclaw for those witty and bright,  
Hufflepuff for those loyal and just,  
Gryffindor for those itching with bravery,  
And Slytherin for those full of cunning and lust.

Wow. I mean, just… wow. I inwardly giggle at my stupidity and vocabulary choice, or lack thereof. I kind of fit all of those categories. I'm really intelligent for my age (how ironic, I was just saying how stupid I am), I fight for what I think is right, I'm not all too brave, but I'd fight to the end of the earth for James, Sirius, Remus, or Peter, and I can have quite the mischievous side to me.

I jump suddenly as Professor McGonagall starts reading off names.

"Black, Narcissa!"

Black? BLACK! I wonder if she's any relation to my dear Sirius… A very pretty girl with long, platinum blonde hair, and piercing blue eyes stepped forward without hesitation and seemed to walk with an arrogant confidence. The hat was placed on her head and not 2 seconds later it shouted, "SLYTHERIN!"

"Black, Sirius!"

My mind went blank. I went stiff, eyes wide and mouth hanging open in disbelief. SIRIUS IS HERE! I'M NOT ALONE! Sure enough, the shaggy, black-haired boy with the piercing blue eyes I _thought_ I knew so well stepped forward looking rather anxious but determined. The hat seemed to take a long enough time, but about 48 seconds later (I have_no_ idea why I'm counting) it shouted, "GRYFFINDOR!"

Only the students from Gryffindor House clapped as well as a few others. The teachers seemed very surprised about the outcome and the Slytherins looked downright furious, especially Narcissa and a very pretty girl with sleek black hair and the same blue eyes that was sitting next to her.

"Diggory, Amos!" went to Hufflepuff.

"Evans, Lily!"

Oh, god, please, please help me now! I slowly stepped out of the group of kids waiting to be sorted and walked towards the stool. Biting my lip, I turned and pulled myself onto the seat. As McGonagall lowered the hat onto my head me gave me a very, very brief encouraging smile and wink. Though enlightened a bit, I still started upon hearing a small voice in my ear.

"Hmm… interesting, very interesting… Yes, I've been waiting for you, dear. You've got great talent for a muggleborn, oh yes, and it is to be used wisely, understand? Quite the brain here as well… that could put you in Ravenclaw… No, wait, you've got loyalty, too, vast amounts of it, and you're as stubborn as can be, always spreading your views and opinions on things. That's Hufflepuff material, that is. Ah, yes, but you've got quite the attitude, which I daresay will only get more fiery as you grow up, and you've got a few sly tricks up your sleeve – worthy of Slytherin. But you seem to contain the most of bravery and courage, and that, girl, is the most important, as long as you think before you act, and not on impulse. Impulsiveness can make a world of difference. With that I think you belong most rightly in GRYFFINDOR!"

The hat was taken off my head and I breathed a sigh of relief. Gryffindor, I'll be with Sirius, thank god. A loud applause met me as I practically skipped over to my respective table and plopped down next to Sirius, who was staring at me as if he couldn't believe I was here. I don't blame him; I didn't exactly expect to find him here either. But as Longbottom, Frank was also sorted into Gryffindor, Sirius snapped out of his trance and hugged me tightly.

We turned back just in time to hear McGonagall announce, "Lupin, Remus!" I gasped and stared as the light brown haired boy was also sorted into Gryffindor. He hurried over and hugged me just as Sirius had, then sat on Sirius' left.

"McGuire, Shirley!" the girl that sat with me in my boat on the way to the castle, was put into Ravenclaw.

For the third time did I find myself thinking that I simply _must_ be dreaming when "Pettigrew, Peter!" also joined me, Sirius and Remus at Gryffindor table. He sat across from us, but couldn't stop smiling at me, appearing relieved at seeing me again and being sorted into the same house as the rest of us.

But this got me wondering… Is James here, too?

As if answering my prayers, McGonagall said, "Potter, James!" My best friend, my hero, my brother, and my savior, walked quickly up to the stool looking both impatient and overwhelmed. In just a moment that seemed to go on forever, the hat shouted, "GRYFFINDOR!"

James slid off of the stool and sprinted over to the table as I stood up. We immediately embraced.

"I thought you were gone forever," I heard James whisper in my ear.

"I could never leave you."

There was a collective 'ah' from three fourths of the houses that caused James and me to blush and sit down, him on my right. We glanced at each other and smiled, switching spots.

"Snape, Severus!" went to Slytherin, and "Twain, Alice!" came to Gryffindor. Others were sorted as well, but soon Dumbledore was giving a speech.

"Welcome our newcomers, and welcome back to our other students. Now, first years, if you would please note that the forest on the grounds is out-of-bounds for all students. If you would like to try out for your house Quidditch team in two weeks, please contact Madam Zepher. Our caretaker, Argus Filch, would also like me to remind you that magic in the corridors between classes or at all is forbidden. With that, let the feast begin!"

I squeaked in surprise as the golden cutlery and dishes on the table magically filled with food. After a moment though, the five of us started piling heaps of everything onto are plates and stuffed our faces. I was so very hungry now that the nervousness was gone. As I was just finishing my second helping of things, dessert replaced the main course. I had a good few slices of chocolate cake. When that was done with, Dumbledore spoke again.

"If the Prefects would please escort the first years to the house common room. Thank you. Goodnight."

Everyone all at once stood and headed for the doors. So not to get lost in the crowd, I grabbed James' hand. Up many flights of stairs (some moved, in which I screamed) and around many corners, we congregated in front of a painting of some fat, ugly lady.

"Password?" she asked monotonously.

"Hoobergoober," answered one of the Gryffindor Prefects. The portrait slowly swung open and I squeezed James' hand instead of gasping. He squeezed back, and we entered the room.

It was nice and all, but it kind of reminded me of James' dad's office. I felt heat rise to my face at that thought… I wasn't supposed to go anywhere near James' parents' offices, but hey, I was curious, what do they take me for?

The prefects pointed everything out and told us we should go to bed. I catch James' eye and wink with an eyebrow raised – a look that clearly meant, 'Whatever. Meet me later.' He smiled and winked back.

I went up the stairs that led to the girls' dormitories and entered the room that was labeled '1st Year, Girl Dormitories'. My roommates were that Alice Twain girl, Emi Chang (I get a bad feeling around her), Janet Nickels, and Reeve Lipton. Oh, goody.

Alice was inept, meaning clumsy, shy, all thumbs, artless… You get the point. She was very pretty, though, I'll give her that. She had a nicely shaped round face, kind, soft, pale blue eyes, and light brown hair in waves that cascaded down to the middle of her back.

Emi Chang was a different story. She had sleek, tight, black ringlets that went just past her shoulders and her eyes were such a dark brown they looked black. She had freckles that ran across her nose; I didn't think many Asian people had freckles, but who am I to say? She had delicate yellowish skin and the traditional Asian shortness and tremendously skinny form. Right off the bat I knew she would be trouble.

Janet Nickels looked… boyishly normal. Short, dirty blonde hair, light brown eyes,she appeared classy yet casual at the same time. She gave off the 'don't tickle a sleeping Dragon' aura. We'll just have to see how feisty the tomgirl can get.

Reeve Lipton seemed as if she had been held back a year… or two. She was tall, really tall, and looked like she had chicken pox. She had muddy green eyes, in my book, called 'poop green'. Mature, I know. I sympathized for her.

I finished unpacking and looked at myself in the mirror. My butt-length hair was as auburn as ever before, and from doing many, many chores outside, it had thin golden highlights mixed within. The skin that covered my body was red shaded and warm at the touch from sunburn. Like I said, it's impossible for me to tan. My emerald green eyes scrutinized myself for a minute, and then I decided to go back down to the common room to see if the others were there yet.

Alas, there they were. Looking exhausted, the four boys were just sitting in front of the fire chatting, the only ones there. I leaned against the stonewall, crossed my arms, and just watched them for a moment.

Sirius with is wavy black shoulder hair and secretive gray eyes will be quite the ladies man one day. He could always make me laugh, even when I had just come over to James' after a particularly brutal lashing from my dad.

Remus looked around the room like he was thanking god for letting him even be able to glimpse it. I've noticed that even at just merely eleven and a half years of age, he already has a few grayish-white hairs circling his ears, not easily seen against his light brown head. He has gentle light blue eyes, making me feel that he would understand even the most complicated of things.

Peter was a tubby little grunter. We didn't mind him too much, but sometimes he could really be a burden to have tagging around. Sometimes he would look at me, unblinkingly, just staring, and it always crept me out. I would get iffy on him once in a while.

James, my knight in shining armor. I'm Jane and he's Tarzan. Whenever I'm hurt or scared, I look into those loving hazel eyes and find comfort immediately while his sturdy arms wrapped around me, making me feel warm and secure. I know that if I call, he'll come running, his untidy black hair swept back by the wind of his caring rush. I know I'll always be with him, even if he goes off and gets himself a wife and a family and a job, even if the other three break away from us. I'll be the annoying best friend that lives next door, calling at 5 a.m. for a cup of sugar. I smile at the thought.

At that moment James looked back at the girls' dormitory's stairs and caught me staring. He smiled broadly and waved me over. I let out a huff of laughter while I push myself from the wall and make my way over to sit on his lap. I've never worried about being too heavy because even with all of the food I eat, I'm still thin as a pin. Ha, I just rhymed. As usual, he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight, giving me a slight squeeze, probably making sure I'm real.

"I still can't believe that you're here, or at least that your father let you come. You're muggleborn then, or are you just the first witch after a long line of Squibs?" Sirius asked.

"Let me summarize and catch you up. I got my Hogwarts letter twice, the first I pitched right away, but the second I gave the benefit of the doubt. Who I now know as Professor McGonagall took me to Diagon Alley and helped my get my things. She explained Muggles, purebloods, and all that stuff to me. I asked her what I was exactly. She said, and I quote, 'Actually, Miss Evans, I predicated you would wonder, and I looked into it. It was your mother's side that held the magic. You come from an extremely ancient and long lineage of Squibs. Squibs are people that are born to witches and wizards, but have to powers themselves. So, technically, you're still a Muggleborn witch because of there not being a witch or wizard Philips for so many centuries.' Philips was my mother's maiden name. 'Otherwise, if it had not been so long, but merely a few decades, you would be a half-blood, dear.' I'm Muggleborn.

"It's fate, isn't it?" I continued as they nodded in coherency and James played with my hair. "That we're all magical and came to Hogwarts. I think it was meant to be. But it makes me wonder, what does destiny have in store for us, having us reunite?"

There was a moment of silence has everyone gave this some thought. Something clicked in my head. "Oh my god, you guys. Remember the song the Sorting Hat sang? 'All pasts forgotten, we must unite, for two of you present, will fulfill a prodigy foresight.' Do you guys think it's referring to us reuniting, and that we're going to, I don't know, hold some key to the future or something?"

Sirius just smiled. "Lily, I think you've been overwhelmed by the magical world and you've totally gone bonkers. Maybe we should get some rest so we can get through our first day tomorrow. Agreed?"

"Agreed," the other three boys chorused.

I snuggled closer to James, "But… But we just got here! I found you! There's so much to explain!"

"And we have all the time in the world to give you explanations. You, more than any of us, need your sleep. Merlin knows what kind of bruises you're still trying to heal from," James commented quietly as he stood up, making me get up, too.

"Merlin?"

"Oh, yeah, like wizard God, somewhat. Instead of, 'Oh my God', it's something like, 'Sweet Merlin'. It just fits better," he explained as we walked over to our respective stairs. The other boys went up, giving James and me a moment. He gathered me in his arms once more and whispered, "You broke my heart when you ran away. Don't you ever do that again, okay?"

I took a deep breath of his scent and whispered back, "You broke _my_ heart when you told me you were going to go away. Don't _you_ ever do that again."

He chuckled, "Promise."

"Me, too. This sucks, I won't be able to sleep with you."

He chuckled again. "Since when do we listen to the rules? But you can't tonight though, sorry." He let go and held my shoulders at arms length. "I love you. Goodnight."

He kissed my forehead as I said, "Love you, too. Goodnight yourself."

We smiled at each other and went up to bed, repeatedly thanking _Merlin_ that we ended up together.


	4. Year 1

Chapter 4: Year 1

BLOODY HELL, I LOVE IT HERE! It's so fun and homely. Sure, classes put a downer on things, but other than that, it's heavenly. James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and I are closer than ever. We get up everyday, they wait for me in the common room, we go to breakfast together, we attend our morning classes together, we go to lunch together, we start a food fight together, they take all the blame for me and get detentions, we go to our afternoon classes together, we talk in the common room until dinner together, we go to dinner together, but then they go off for their detentions and I head back up to the common to do some homework while I wait for them to come back, they come back, we finish our homework together, we say goodnight to each other (James always kisses me on the forehead), and we all go to bed. I take a breath. Yup, that's our day.

But once the whole day changed. We were just coming out of our final class, Transfiguration, and heard someone behind us sneer, "Look, it's the Mudblood." The boys immediately whipped around with menacing looks on their faces. I was completely confused. What's a Mudblood? The boy who said it I recognized as Severus Snape, beside him was Narcissa Black and, as Sirius had pointed out to me, Bellatrix Black, both of which were, unfortunately, his cousins. There also were some older boys I think were Lucius Malfoy, young Narcissa's boyfriend, Rabastan and Rudolphus Lestrange, Bellatrix's boyfriend, some Crabbe and Goyle guys, Antonin Dolohov, Augustus Rookwood, and Evan Rosier.

"What did you say, Snape?" Sirius challenged.

"Sorry, Sev, my dear cousin seems to have gone deaf. Probably from hanging around the poor little filth he's calls his friend," said Bellatrix in a silky voice that sent a shiver down my spine.

James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter got out there wands and James moved in front of me. The gang of Slytherins did the same. I was wide-eyed with confusion as to why they were acting like this and scared of what so many older kids could do to us.

"Come on, cuz, hex me, I dare you, " tested an aloof Bellatrix.

Sirius made a deft movement with his wand like one would take an intimidating step toward someone, only meaning to mock their reflexes. Bellatrix's reaction, however, was sent at me, carefully aimed to go right past James, who was still blocking me.

"REDUCTO!" she shrieked. A force stronger than I could have ever imagined hit me by surprise, and blasted me back, smashing me against the stonewall, my head getting full blast of it. I think I even left a dent. Everything went all fuzzy and bleary. The pain was so great I was numb to it all, strangely enough. In the distance I heard running footsteps coming my way, a door burst open, and McGonagall screech.

"What on earth is going on out here?" She took in the scene: Eleven Slytherins with their wands out, unharmed, the four boys kneeling down beside me, and… _me_. "Miss Evans!" She rounded on the Slytherins. "What do you think you aredoing, reducting a fragile eleven-year-old girl into a wall? Detention for a week, all of you! Go to the Headmaster's office! I will be along soon enough! Go! Shoo!" She was pale with fury, red blotches on her face, and she was shaking. She looked after the Slytherins retreating, but once they were out of sight, she ran as fast as an old woman in high-heals could over to me.

"My goodness, Miss Evans…" She conjured a stretcher and floated my body onto it. It was a stiff mattress but more comfortable than the hard floor. I _finally_ passed out from my head injury.

I awoke in a dark room. Even outside was dark with stars glistening throughout the night sky as I looked through one of the windows across the room. I didn't know where I was, but I was comfortable and drowsy and the pain from earlier had reduced to a mere throb. I became aware of the pressure on my stomach. I looked down and smiled a small smile. Around me were Sirius, Remus, and Peter in chairs, all in strange positions as they slept. But lying with his head on my abdomen, face turned toward me, tearstains on his cheeks, holding my hand tightly in his while he slept, was James. My heart burned with gratitude. Not wanting to impose on what I hoped were their peaceful slumbers, I just laid my head back down on my pillow and fell asleep.

It turned out I had broken my left arm and fractured my spine, but God was in a good mood. I was completely healed within four days and was released on the fifth. The boys were more overprotective than ever, and James kept apologizing profusely for letting me get hurt by such slimeballs. I would just smile softly and say, "It wasn't your fault, Jay, but I still forgive you."

Halloween was very exciting and fun. All the Hogwarts ghosts did skits at the front of the Great Hall. Peeves the Poltergeist just cackled heartily and ended up getting chided by the Bloody Beran for Merlin-knows-what. Ha, the Merlin thing is growing on me.

By Christmas I really didn't want to go home, but I figured I had to. The boys and I rode in compartment together on the Hogwarts Express and played Exploding Snap or Wizards' Chess. When the lady with the snack trolley came around, the boys bought it all. I gaped. They made me try one of everything, well, except for the Chocolate Frogs. I had run to the bathroom to puke when I saw Sirius bite off one's head as it wriggled.

All too soon though, the train pulled into the station. Abby and John were half-speechless, half-ecstatic that I was going to Hogwarts, too. My dad never showed up to get me so I rode home with the Potters. Remus went home, Sirius was going to go home but probably not stay for more than a day or two, and Peter went home to his mum. We each promised to meet at James' as soon as we could.

When I got home, I really regretted it. The place was filthy. Dirty dishes filled the sink and lined the counters, dust was collecting on the tops of everything, and dirty clothes were strewn everywhere. Talk about a Hellhole. Obviously, Dad had found it necessary to wait until I got home to clean anything. The minute I walked in the door, he came stomping out of the living room and growled, "Good, you're home. Now I don't have to call a maid." I could hear my older sister, Petunia, snicker from the other room.

My father had always liked Petunia better. Whether it be her blonde hair, her blue eyes, or her 'ha ha' look she gives me, he had always treated her like a princess.

Knowing there was no need for me to argue, I took my trunk upstairs and got started.

I received nothing from my father for Christmas, not that I had expected anything. He never gave me anything. No, wait, that's a lie. He gave me a sock once. It was old and had lots of little holes in it, but hey, it kept one of my hands warm that winter.

When I was finally permitted to go to James' house on the last day of vacation, I looked worse for the wear. I had numerous purple bruises on my arms and face, a sprained ankle, and a big ol' shiner. Thank Merlin for Concealment Charms. When we got back, Abby had informed Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey, the school matron, that I needed to be tended to for a while. They didn't ask questions.

The next semester went fast. The exams were a breeze and it was bliss to spend the last several days we had at school outside on the grounds and by the lake. James had actually pushed me in and we ended up having a swimming contest to see who could swim the fastest. It came close, so close we had to tie.

On one of the nights that Remus left to 'visit his mother', the other four of us had a sort of meeting to discuss these 'leaves of absence' he was having. I, being the logical one, had noticed patterns.

We were congregated in the Room of Requirement, a room that we had found on one of our late-night escapades. You have to walk by the wall across the hall from a tapestry three times while thinking of what you need the room to possess, and then a door would appear. Don't ask how we figured that out.

Surrounding us were boxes of sweets, from Bertie's Botts Every Flavor Beans to heaping piles of Chocolate Frogs – I had finally kept my stomach contents at bay long enough to try one, and now I couldn't get enough of them. I was lying on the couch with my head in James lap while Peter and Sirius threw wrappers at each other on the floor.

"Okay, this thing with Reemz. I'll be blunt. I think he's a werewolf," I stated flat-out.

James looked down and the other two looked up at me incredulously. "What makes you think that?" they inquired as one, making me jump. I started counting off my fingers.

"Well, he's always gone on the full moon, I checked the star charts I nicked from some older kids. He gets really hungry for meat on the full moon. And… that's all I got. I still think he's a werewolf though."

"So why hasn't he told us? Why would he lie to us for so long?" asked James.

"Have you seen the way he looks at this place, Jay? It's like he's the homeless beggar and this school is a sandwich! He cherishes his every moment here like it'll slip away from him suddenly. He's probably scared that we'll shun him and hate him or something. We need to talk to him."

"Touché, Lils, touché," Sirius commended. I beamed.

So on the Hogwarts Express leaving school (yes, I sadly admit I must depart from Heaven to go to Hell) we cornered him. We're in the compartment we had deemed as our own and Remus' sickly looking form was sitting by the window. The rest of us glanced at each other and I pounced.

"Remus John Lupin, are you a werewolf?" Nicely played, Evans. Ha, I sounded just like a mother that had caught her child with their hand in the cookie jar. I'm the mum, and Remus is the kid. His eyes widened and what color that was left in his face disappeared, leaving him looking like a corpse.

He looked down at his hands and replied after he gulped, "W-what make you say that?" Well, if that wasn't the most obvious 'yes' I've ever heard.

I smiled and looked back at the others, "Ha! I _told_ you so!" I walked eagerly over to Remus, kneeled before him, turned his face to look at mine, took his cold, shaking hands in my warm ones, and reassured, "Reemz, you needn't be scared to tell us that. We've been picking up signs all year. We're your best friends, we've discussed it and we're not about to leave you. In fact, when we get back to school next autumn, I am personally going to find a way to help you."

Remus looked at her sadly. "There's no cure, nothing you can do for someone like me."

"Who said anything about a cure? There's got to be some way we can at least… I don't know, make it more fun."

"You know, Lils, I bet you could make even Snivellous skip around in a meadow of flowers, clad in a pink tutu and _clean_ hair up into some elegant knot," Sirius praised.

We all laughed, even Remus. He seemed to be feeling somewhat better, though still uncertain. I must admit, I did have a knack for seeing the good in people, knowing what lies beneath the shell. I just hoped that God would take mercy on me, and let me have a good summer.

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A/N: Hey, this is a pretty boring chapter, huh? Well, it'll pick up next chapter. But until I get to seventh year, the chapters will be boring, mere fillers. Hope you like my stories, please review!

Cheers, grape2010


	5. Year 2, Part 1

Chapter 5: Year 2, Part 1

Don't ask me why I kept total, but over the summer I had three broken jaws, one broken pinky finger, and too many bruises to count. But it was worse, oh, so much worse. I got terrible infections because my father cut down the rose trellis – the only means of escape and the medical attention I so desperately needed. The only way I would get to see James was if his mom would come and get me. Oh, and I had also turned twelve years old, two hours after James had.

Sitting by James at the Sorting Ceremony was relaxing. He had his arm draped over my shoulders as we discussed what we thought would happen this year.

Halloween was a blast. The night before:

James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and I were in the common room at 2 a.m. finishing the final touches to our prank.

"Lils, did you negotiate with the house-elves?" Remus asked, checking off what's already done on a piece of parchment.

"Yes, and I've given them the goods," I confirmed with a mischievous smirk.

The next evening at the feast, the five of us appeared to be acting normal, but to the observant eye, we were in fact glancing over at the Slytherin table more than usual.

No sooner than when dessert had been served, a sneeze was heard among the Slytherins. Then another, and another. Soon the whole of Slytherin table was echoing 'achoo!'s off of the walls of the Great Hall. The four boys and I tried to stifle our laughter.

Even though I had expected it, I still jumped at the sudden exclaim of "Ewww!" I snapped my head around and sure enough, a poor little first year Slytherin was running out of the hall crying…with a big brown spot on his behind.

Later that night, I snuck into the boys' dorm; Frank Longbottom was also there. We laughed so hysterically that I was crying and doubled over clutching my side, gasping for oxygen and getting a headache. When we had finished our fit, we crowded on James' and Sirius' beds.

Remus commended, "That was bloody brilliant, Lils! Laxatives and Sneezing Powder, who knew!"

"Yeah, the harder they sneezed, the more came out of somewhere other than their noses!" choked Sirius as we all broke down into howls once more.

November sped by and soon was fading into December. December tiptoed up behind me, and then before I knew it, I was once again riding in the car with the Potters, being taken to my house for the holidays, because my dad had "forgotten" to come and fetch me himself.

When I entered the door, it looked just as it had last year when I had come home. It was as dirty as a hog shed, and smelled like soiled diapers. Wahoo, let the fun begin.

I had soon cleaned the entire house, which had included me doing: dusting, mopping, scrubbing, washing, wiping, organizing, stacking, and many more. On Christmas Eve I was working on some assignments that had been given to us over break, and seeing I had just put away the dishes from dinner, I was caught up on the cleaning and had nothing better to do. I was actually very agitated and watchful, for my father had not struck at me once yet.

I sat at the desk in my room and put away my essay for Transfiguration, the last of the homework, and then pulled out a book entitled:_The Guide To Becoming An Animagus_ to record notes that could help James, Sirius, and Peter. I had searched far and wide, but the only thing that I could find that would control, or at least calm, werewolves were other animals. So, James, Sirius, and Peter wanted to become Animagi. I had been unsure, and didn't want to risk it. Besides, three out of four of us turning into illegal animals were enough.

Suddenly, my bedroom door opened, and then shut. I looked over my shoulder and saw my father without a shirt, which wasn't rare. I had just barely noticed the maniacal glint in his eyes when he reached up and switched off my light. Now I was intimidated. Ha, that's the understatement of the year. No, I was terrified. I stood up from my chair.

I heard him take slow steps toward me as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. The only light now was the moon outside my window, and even that was half covered in clouds. Unexpectedly, he roughly grabbed my arms and shoved me onto my bed. Just as I was propping myself up on my elbows, he pushed me back down. I froze as I heard a zipper being undone, followed by denim dropping to the floor. He was going to rape me. Abby had told me about it when she had given me the '_growing up talk_'.

Petrified, I couldn't move. My brain was telling me to run, run to James' house for protection, but I was so frightened that my limbs wouldn't obey. I lay there, stiff as a board, as he crawled onto the bed so that he was on his hands and knees, hovering just above me. My breaths were tearing at my throat, coming in short and panicky.

All of a sudden, he clutched the hem of my shirt and pulled it up so that it covered my face, just above my bra. Then he urgently tugged at my pajama pants, jaggedly pulling them down, my underwear along with them.

My mind caught up with me. No. _No!_ I started to stir, and in the blink of an eye I was writhing, twisting, and turning frantically. Then I felt a sharp sting on my right cheek that turned into a burning sensation; he had backhanded me with every bit of strength he had left that hadn't been taken over by want yet.

Then it was over. He finished it off, scrambled off my bed, grabbed his clothes, and was gone. I still laid there, legs apart, and sobbed. It hurt so much I couldn't move, so I didn't dare. I didn't know how much more damage I would do if I did. But I had to get help. I had to stop the bleeding.

Cautiously, I maneuvered myself from the bed, wobbling back and forth. I put on extra large clothes, and quietly (which was no easy task, being in so much pain) walked over to the door and listened. I could hear nothing.

I crept downstairs, carefully and silently. I couldn't see or hear my father. Petunia was at a friend's house. In the kitchen, I located the telephone and dialed a number I have had memorized since I was six.

_Bring… Bring… Bring…_

"Hello?" came Abby's kind voice.

I whimpered, "Abby, p-please come and help me. Hurry. Lots of blood. D-don't bring James."

_Beeeeeep..._

Abby had already hung up and was on her way. I put down the receiver and stood there, legs separated once again. Not five minutes later, I heard the front door open in the entryway. Fast-paced footsteps were coming, and soon a horrified gasp sounded from behind me. I slowly, inconveniently, turned. Instantly Abby picked my up bridal style, splattering her coat with my blood, and carried me out of the house, not grabbing a coat or anything. She rushed to the car, drove thefour blocks home, and then dashed me into her house, cradled in her arms.

Of course, there were the four boys. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were all wringing their hands with worried-filled faces, sitting nervously on the couch. As they heard Abby and me enter the room, their heads snapped up and they hurried over. But Abby pushed them away, ignored their demands of knowing what was going on, and she took me upstairs to the room we had declared the 'medi-room'.

The corners of my visions were going black; I figured I must have been passing out from blood loss. Sure enough, moments later, God paid heed to my silent, wistful pleas and finally let me go numb.

"Will she be all right Madam Pomfrey?" asked the distant voice of Abby.

Who I predicated to be Madam Pomfrey sighed. "She'll be quite sore for a while, the torn tissues need to heal. I managed to stop the heavy blood flow. The bruising on her hips and cheek will fade; here's a potion to quicken that process. As for the emotional scars, they can only go away in time. Only she can confirm what happened, but it appears she's going to need vast amounts of support."

Now I heard Abby sigh. "Thank you for coming the moment I called you, Poppy." She dropped to a whisper. "She's been raped, correct?" Obviously the boys were in the room and she hadn't wanted them to overhear.

"I do believe so, the poor dear. She's so young, just what, merely twelve and a half? Has she started her monthlies?" Madam Pomfrey replied quietly.

"No, she hasn't, but I don't expect it to be long now. Oh, I hope that man rots in Hell."

"It's the least he deserves. I'll be back in the morning to check on her. Oh, and I extracted all the semen I could, she shouldn't have to worry about being fertilized. Goodnight, Abigail."

"Thank you and goodnight, Poppy."

I heard two feet walk the length of a room, open a door, then shut the door quietly. My, er, lower regions throbbed, but it wasn't as bad as it had been. Despite the warm bed I was now lying in, I felt uncomfortable. My eyelids felt like lead, so I didn't open them.

"Mum?" squeaked a half-nervous, half-scared voice. I mentally sighed gratefully. James was here.

"Yes, dear?"

"What happened? Why did you pick up the phone, run out, run in with Lily, and then call my school nurse? What's going on with Lily?"

Abby sighed and I felt the tender, affectionate touch of the back of what I presumed were Abby's knuckles rub against my unharmed cheek. "Do you remember the talk you had with your father about growing up, James?"

"Er… Uh-huh."

"Did he tell you what really mean men sometimes did to women, or even little girls?"

"They forced them…?"

"Yes, sweetheart. That's what Lily's dad did to her. Can you promise me something, James?"

"Sure."

"Promise me you'll show Lily how much you care about her, no matter how much she pushes you away. Give me your word that you'll never give up on her."

"I promise."

"Sirius?"

"I promise," Sirius swore.

"Remus?"

"I promise."

"Peter?"

"I promise."

"Good. Let's let her rest for now, we'll see how she's holding up in the morning."

I opened one eye discreetly. The sound of many feet walked over to the door of the room. The door opened, and then the door shut. And so did my eyes.


	6. Year 2, Part 2

Chapter 6: Year 2, Part 2

"Sweetheart…" I heard a voice that sounded miles and miles away.

"Sweetheart…" The voice was coming closer and closer, but I didn't want to wake up yet. The pain was starting to come back.

"Sweetheart, are you awake? You're due for your potion to lessen the pain." I groaned and blearily opened my eyes. The sympathetic face of Abigail Potter was hovering over mine.

"Here you go. Drink up." She put her hand under my head and lifted it up so I could drink a really nasty potion that had a bunch of lumps in it.

"Are you hungry?" Abby asked as she helped me sit up in bed. She lifted a tray with water, a grilled cheese sandwich, and an apple. She knew me too well. But I wasn't hungry. I shook my head.

"Well, then at least drink the water. You need fluids." She held the glass of water up to my lips and I sipped it. I could feel the cool liquid go down my esophagus and settle in my stomach.

There was a soft knock at the door of the room. "Yes?" Abby called.

"Can we come see her?" squeaked Peter. The four boys poked their heads around the side of the door. "Is she awake?" They smiled when they caught my eye.

Abby jerked her head and they came to sit on one side of my bed. I turned my head away. I didn't feel like having a male presence near me.

"Lils?" James said, putting his hand over mine. I flinched and pulled it away.

Even though I might have never fully trusted my father, I had always trusted him to never go too far. But he did, and now I can't trust James. Or Sirius, Remus, or Peter. What if they started to hurt me, too? They always promised they wouldn't, on the contrary they vowed to always protect me. But what if they were lying? What if, Merlin forbid, they grow up to be like my father?

There was another knock at the door. "Ah, good, you're awake. Have a good night's sleep?" I looked up to see Madam Pomfrey walking toward me, grinning. I didn't answer. Her smile faltered, and then she took a deep breath and looked at the boys. They took the hint to take their leave. James brought up the rear of the four and just as he was about to shut the door, he glanced back and locked eye contact with me. His eyes were sad, rejected. It gave me a ping of guilt for a moment, but it soon vanished. I broke the gaze.

I felt incomplete. My innocence had been stolen from me, and I would never get it back. I had been forced into something I had no control over, and hadn't been ready for either. My very little bubble of pride I had left after all of the beatings I would receive had been punctured and deflated. I felt so impure, so incompetent. Few kids my age had even started going out yet, and here I am, I'd gone all the way. But was it still the same? Did it count if I hadn't wanted it?

Madam Pomfrey checked me over once again. She said I wouldn't be able to leave bed for a couple days so I wouldn't rub the healing tissues and make them bleed again. She said the bruises had already gone away thanks to the potion Abby must have given me last night, although I don't remember waking up. Madam Pomfrey told me I should eat something, that I need nourishment.

When they left I sat alone in the 'medi-room', nibbling on my now cold grilled cheese sandwich. Soon though, it started to taste like sand so I put the tray on the floor. The apple was perfect, too perfect. It shined in the light and was well rounded. I couldn't destroy something so graceful, something so unlike me. I had been soiled. Now I really was a Mudblood.

My head snapped up when I heard the door open again quietly, as if it the person entering was trying to do so in secret. It was James. I looked away again, but not before I glimpsed the determined shine of his eyes. He can be just as stubborn as me sometimes. Oh my God, I just found something we had in common.

He walked over and got under the covers of the bed with me, just like we always used to do. He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled slightly, urging me to lean on him. Slowly, I complied. He wrapped his other arm around me and whispered, "Please don't go away."

Even though he made it sound as if I was moving to a different town, I knew what he meant. He didn't want me to push him away, didn't want me to discard him from my life. He wanted to reassure me that he'd be there, forever and for always. He wanted me to know that I could trust him with anything, my life included. He didn't want me to keep secrets from him; he wanted me to pour out everything I knew. In all reality, it didn't matter if I told him with words. He could read me like an open book, just like I could read him. It's all in the eyes. Before my mom died, she told me that the eyes are the passageways into the soul. Through someone's eyes, you can see what they're feeling, what they're thinking. If they let you, you could know what someone's life story was, all by simply interpreting the glint of emotion in they're eyes.

Suddenly, I started to cry. The last time I'd cried, besides last night, was when I thought James was leaving me. But now, they weren't tears of despair; they were tears of helplessness. What was I to do when I got back home? What was I to do when I had to face that repulsive excuse for a father again? James turned so I was crying onto his shoulder, and he hugged me tightly.

After fifteen minutes, I sniffed and James pulled me off of him a ways. He cradled my face in his hands, using his thumb to wipe away the lingering tears on my cheeks.

"I know saying I'm sorry won't change anything, and it probably won't make you feel any better. I just want you to remember that, even though I'm a guy, I'm still your best friend. If you don't want to talk to the others or my parents, please talk to me," he said, and then hugged me again. I nodded into his shoulder.

There were several moments of silence, and out of the blue I started talking. I didn't realize Abby, John, and the other three boys had peeked in the door.

"Oh, Jay, I was finishing my homework and he came in my room, " I choked on a sob. "He made me lie on my bed and started taking off my pajamas. My mind told me to get away, to come here, but I was so scared I couldn't move." Tears slid down my face as flashes of the night before came into my mind. "When I did try to get away, he hit me. I think it was the hardest he'd ever hit. I gave in; I didn't know what to do. It hurt... It hurt a lot. I hurt more than when he twisted my wrist. I could barely walk afterwards to call your mom. I was so embarrassed, I just let him do it." I started crying once again.

What a Merry Christmas it turned out to be.

---------------------------

Abby had gone to get my school things later that day. I never left my room, and I would only let James and Madam Pomfrey in to see me. I didn't even let Abby bring me meals.

When we went back to school, I was stuck to James. I still hadn't looked Sirius, Remus, or Peter in the eye, I couldn't. If you were looking for me, you were looking for James as well. The other guys understood; I knew they did.

I kept working on James, Sirius, and Peter becoming Animagi. I would show James what to study, and he would pass on the information to the other two. I figured it'd take another two years tops. I buried myself in my studies whenever I wasn't with James.

The snow stayed extra long that spring. But when it did go away, and it started to warm to decent temperatures, I went down to the lake and swam. I would swim for about an hour every Saturday, and then I would go in to eat dinner. I'm able to think when I'm stroking in the water. The calm waves and ripples I created never seemed to disturb the harmony of the scene. The scene that consisted of birds flying about, trying to find mates and build nests. The chirping they made was them discussing which tree was the best, which tree blew in the wind the right way, which tree was the sturdiest.

The scene also consisted of bushes and trees budding new life within its branches and twigs. The flowers were taking color, turning into luscious scarlet, or shy pink. The grass was able to breath again after the snow had all gone away, so it was blushing a healthy green.

Exams were once again as simple as writing the alphabet.

On the train home I sat with the other four, and for the first time in about 6 months, I addressed Remus.

"How have transformations been?" I asked so quietly I wasn't sure if he'd heard me.

He looked completely shocked that I had spoken to him. Hesitantly, he replied, "Same as always. I see the moon, I transform, I bite myself in frustration, I turn back, and I wait for Madam Pomfrey to come and get me."

"We're a lot alike, aren't we?" I asked, looking out the window and forgetting the others were there. Heck, I got lost in my own world so deeply I forgot I was even speaking to Remus. "We both had such nice lives. Everything was so simple, so happy. Then one tragic event turned our lives around. We were forced to deal with something that we couldn't control. We were merely innocent victims, taken over by beasts. We've learned to deal with it, but every once in a while it just gets a little harder, the episodes are just a bit worse. How unfair life can be, to put us throw Hell like that."


	7. Babysitting Nymphadora

**A/N: Okay, don't yell at me. I know Tonks won't be born for probably a couple of years yet, but this was _so_ much fun to write. I think it's my favorite chapter. I'm sorry for the wait, but I was having terrible writer's block with this story. I have a few ideas for the next chapter, I'll see what I can write up. Boy, this is taking longer than I thought it would. Anyway, enjoy! And remember, this is only fanfiction, and I'm not _really_ trying to stick to canon, though I do as much as I can. So this is a very A/U chapter, but I really like it.**

**Cheers, grape2010**

**Chapter 7:** Babysitting Nymphadora

When we got off the train, I collected my things and rode with James as usual. It surprised me when we drove right past my house.

"Er… Abby, aren't I supposed to go home?" I asked.

Abby turned around to face me in the backseat and smirked. "I gave that monster of a man you call your father what he deserved. We have legal custody of you now."

The last time I can remember being this happy was when I had discovered James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter would be joining me at Hogwarts.

Sirius joined the Potters and me after a week, for he couldn't stand staying at home. His little brother, Regulus, annoyed him to wits end about how Sirius was a disgrace to the family and that he would be an honorable Slytherin when he came to Hogwarts next year. Sirius had turned him into a puddle of… well, let's just say it's supposed to go in a toilet. He got a warning from the Ministry and a few well-aimed smacks from his mom.

I sent a letter to Remus everyday comforting him about transformations, telling him what was going on here. He replied to every single one, promising he would be there soon.

Peter had gone to Germany with his mom to visit family. He sent letters every two weeks, always complaining about how boring it was there. His great-aunt Olga would pinch his cheeks and talked to him like he was a baby or had slow comprehension.

Two weeks before school started, I was in the kitchen chatting with Cleo, the Potter's house-elf John had inherited when his father died three months ago.

"How many other families have you served, or has it always been the oldest Potters?" I asked as I handed Cleo a plate to dry. She could easily do the task with a few snaps of her fingers, but she liked the company once in a while, and I had no problem brewing a friendship with her.

"Cleo and Cleo's ancestors have been serving the oldest Potter master for as long as Potter masters have been around. Potter masters or mistresses have always been nice to Cleo's family, giving them free periods and good food to eat. Not all masters or mistresses are very nice. Cleo's friend, Sissy, gets hit a lot. Cleo is forever gratefully for being a Potter master's house-elf," came Cleo's squeaky answer. She dried the dish and placed it in the cupboard with a snap of her fingers.

"Do you enjoy doing the cooking and cleaning for the Potters?" I said, handing her another plate.

"Cleo does, Miss Lily. It's what house-elves are born to do."

"What—" I cut off as a felt a tap on my elbow. Turning around, expecting one of the boys to be standing there, I screamed and jumped back, bumping into the counter, as I came face to face with—myself.

Although this me was only as tall as my waist, I gaped, eyes wide, while I took in my freckles, my lips, my nails, my hair, my eyes.

"Boo," she simply said, making both Cleo and I scream again.

Then Sirius came skidding into the kitchen, closely followed by James and Remus, obviously having heard my scream.

"Whoa," Sirius said as his eyes flicked from me, breathing heavily, bracing the counter, and the mini me, who was now grinning evilly. Then he sighed. "Dora, what has your mum told you about sneaking up on people looking like them? You shouldn't."

The mini me stuck her—my?—tongue out at Sirius before her features began to change. Her hair was long and bright bubble gum pink, her eyes a shiny purple, her skin lost the freckles and tanned a bit. The way her face was arranged looked vaguely similar to Sirius'.

She turned to me. "Can I please stay as you? You're so pretty and I like your hair." She screwed her eyes up in concentration and her hair turned the same auburn color mine was.

"Er, I think one of me is enough for the world to deal with," I replied, starting to get slightly amused.

Sirius gave a bark-like laugh and grabbed Dora around the waist, swinging her over his shoulder as she squealed. To me he said, "This is my cousin, Nymphadora Tonks."

"Dora!" Dora giggled.

"Dora," Sirius corrected. When I narrowed my eyes at him, he explained, "She's a Metamorphmagus. She can change her appearance at will. She's not supposed to sneak up on people like that." He gave her a playful shake.

Dora started kicking her legs so he put her down. Her face was red from the blood rush as she begged, "I wanna look like you!" She paused, turning to face Sirius. "Who is she?" she asked, jabbing her thumb at me.

Sirius laughed again. "This is Lily Evans, one of my best friends."

"Oh, you mean the one whose daddy hits her?"

I glared at Sirius. Who was he to tell people about what my dad does to me? Answering Dora, "Yes, but I live here with the Potters now, so he can't hurt anymore." With a final glare at Sirius, I turned around and washed the last dish. Handing it to Cleo, I dried my hands off with a hand towel and turned back, crouching in front Dora. "Whatcha doing here, Dora?"

Sirius answered for her, "I have babysitting duty for today and tonight."

I nodded and said, "Well, Dora, I can tell you from experience that it's really boring hanging out with these boys." I smiled at the boys' collective "Hey!" "But you can keep me company whenever you need to get away from them, okay?"

Dora brightened considerably. "Really? Can I give you a makeover?"

I laughed, remembering when Petunia and I used to do that. "Of course. Make me pretty for the boys." I winked at them as Dora took me by the hand and started pulling me out the door.

For someone so young, Dora actually wasn't too bad with makeup. A little sloppy with the eye shadow, but overall I didn't look half bad in the end. She did my hair and we asked Abby for some clothes to dress up in.

About an hour later, she and I did a fashion show in the parlor for Abby, John, James, Sirius, and Remus. We had extra big high heals on, dresses that were too long, clip-on earrings, necklaces that hung down to our stomachs. We struck poses while the others laughed. We joined hands and danced around pretending we were at a ball. Little did I know that that was the moment James saw me as more than a friend or sister.

At dinner, Dora sat in James' usual spot next to me, not that he minded much. At least, he didn't lead on that he did. She would turn to me and whisper in my ear things that I couldn't really comprehend, but I nodded nonetheless.

The boys joined us in a game of tag in the backyard. They were faster than Dora and me, of course. When James was it he made a beeline for me. I squealed trying to swat him away. I don't now why, but I was kind of surprised when he scooped me up bridal-style and swung me around in circles. We didn't see the curious look Sirius and Remus exchanged.

When he set me down again he whispered in my ear, "You're it."

I just raised my eyebrows a bit, and sought out Dora. I tackled her and started tickling her mercilessly. The boys joined in and she had tears running down her face when we finished.

Later that night, we were all gathered in the parlor with a fire going in the fireplace, despite it being summer. It just gave off a nice mood. Remus was reading, James and Sirius were playing a game of Wizard Chess, and I had Dora on my lap, we were lying on the couch. She had brought a book for bedtime and she was reading it to me.

Well, she was looking at the pictures and making it up on her own.

"And the prince and princess lived happily ever after in their big condo in the Bahamas. They had sixteen babies and never saw the evil twins Bella and Cissa again. The end," Dora finished, closing the book. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the three boys shaking with stifled laughter.

"Hmm…" Dora hummed. "I'm not tired yet."

"Well, we read your book. What else does your mom do to help you go to sleep?" I asked.

"She sings to me." She paused, considering. "Lily, will you sing to me?"

"Sing?" I repeated, slighting uncomfortable.

"Lullabies," she supplied casually. I could hear the yawn in her voice.

"Er… I guess so. Do you have a favorite one?"

"Once upon a December."

I laughed, bouncing her slightly on my stomach. "You're in luck, I happen to know that one."

She nestled into me and picked my arms up, wrapping them around her. I cleared my throat.

_On the wind, 'cross the sea  
Hear this song and remember  
Soon you'll be home with me  
Once upon a December  
_

I hummed a little introduction.

_Dancing bears, painted wings  
Things I almost remember  
And a song someone sings  
Once upon a December  
_

_Someone holds me safe and warm  
Horses prance through a silver storm  
Figures dancing gracefully  
Across my memory  
_

I hummed the melody to the last four lines.

_Someone holds me safe and warm  
Horses prance through a silver storm  
Figures dancing gracefully  
Across my memory  
_

_Far away, long ago  
Glowing dim as an ember  
Things my heart used to know  
Things it yearns to remember  
_

_And a song someone sings  
Once upon a December_

I waited a beat. Dora didn't say anything and I could feel her steady breathing. I looked over at the boys. They had their eyebrows raised at me.

"What?" I whisper.

"That was really good," Remus whispered back.

I could feel myself blush. "Thanks."

Sirius got up and walked over, peering at Dora. "Do you want me to take her up?"

I shook my head. "No, wait until she's in a deeper sleep."

He nodded and went back to James. I laid there, staring up at the ceiling, getting slightly drowsy myself.

Soon I was following Sirius up the stairs into the room he occupied while he was here. Dora wanted to a have a big sleepover in one room so we were all there if she woke up. He laid her on one of the sleeping bags strewn across the floor.

I bent down and kissed her cheek, whispering, "Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite."

We rejoined James and Remus in the parlor. I sat down on the other side of the couch James didn't have occupied and set my legs in his lap, settling in.

"I love kids," I said out-of-the-blue.

"Well, you're certainly good with them. Dora really took to you. She was having the time of her life," Sirius said.

"What's the story here anyway? She called Bellatrix and Narcissa evil. Have you been rubbing off on her sponge-like mind?" I joked.

"Actually, it's her mom that influenced me. Andromeda is Bellatrix and Narcissa's older sister. She didn't agree with the whole pureblooded thing either. She married Ted Tonks, a muggleborn. She was cast out of the family immediately."

All I could manage was to put my lips in the shape of an o.

"Yeah," he continued, "As you can probably guess, they're my favorite family members. I make it my duty to help Aunt Andromeda keep Dora away from the rest of the families influence. I'm glad she got to be wtih you, as you're a muggleborn. It's good for her to see that not all muggles and muggleborns are weird."

"I see. It's good of you to do, Sirius. I'm proud of you."

I opened my eyes blearily as someone shook me awake. As I came to my senses I heard whimpering and sniffling.

"Dora, what's wrong?" I asked softly.

"I had a bad dream." Her whimpering grew louder. I saw James' figure stir.

Trying to calm her down, I sat up and pulled her into my lap, rocking softly. "Shhh… Dora, it's okay."

Suddenly she was outright sobbing, clinging to me as if her life depended on it. It woke up the boys and Sirius came over to help me comfort Dora, but when he tried to rub her back she cried louder. "Make it go away, Lily! Make it go away."

"Dora, shhh… Dora, tell me about your mum and dad. What are they like?" I had to get her mind off her nightmare.

She drew in a shaky breath and said, "My m-mummy loves my d-daddy. They said when I get older I can go to Hogwarts, t-too."

"I'm sure you will. What's your favorite class? I like charms and potions."

"T-transfiguration. It's Sirius' favorite."

I grinned at Sirius. "Yes, it is, and he's really good at it, too. Do you now what you want to be when you grow up?"

"An auror, just like Sirius. Mum and dad say that I'd be good at it with my powers."

"Yeah, I bet that'll help a lot."

Dora pulled her head away from my shoulder. "What do you wanna be?"

"Hmm…" I'd never really thought about it. "I like taking care of people that are hurt, because I know what it's like to be hurt. I think I'd like to be a healer maybe, but then again, aurors help people too by saving their lives and protecting them."

"You're smart."

I chuckled. "That's what I want you to think."

Her eyelids were getting heavy but she scrunched up her nose. "I don't get it."

"That's the point."

Dora blinked, obviously still confused. Then she yawned, "Wanna know what I saw in my dream?"

"Hmm? What's that?"

"There were these people with no faces, and you and I were playing in the house when they came after you. They chopped you up like a carrot with a big, huge knife, then came after me."

"Well…" What was I supposed to say to that? "That's… disturbing."

Dora yawned again, resting her head on my shoulder. "You're pretty, Lily."

"Thanks."

She giggled. "A bet a lotta boys like you."

"I don't know, but I've got my own group of boys. I don't need anyone else."

"Don't you wish you had girl friends?" She yawned again.

"Sometimes."

"I bet a lotta boys wanna kiss you."

I laughed a bit. "Why would they want to do that?"

"Because." Her eyes closed and she was practically murmuring. "You're smart and very pretty. I wish I was like you."

"Mmhmm…"

"I hope Sirius marries you."

That got my eyes widening as big as saucers. I could see the shock on the boys' faces before they doubled over in silent, hysterical laughter.

"And that you'll have lots and lots of babies so I can play with them."

By now I was turning beat red.

"We'll… er… we'll have to… er… see what happens."

"Mmhmm…" was the last thing she said.

After a couple minutes I put her back in her sleeping bag and followed the boys out into the hallway so we could get rid of some of our laughter.

When we caught our breath, Sirius kneeled before me and took my hand. "Lily, will you marry me?" The other two sniggered.

"Oh, Siri, baby, of course! I've always wanted you to be the father of my many, many children!" I played along.

He picked me up and swung me around like James had earlier. "Great! I can't wait for little Oberon, and Helga, and Luanda, and Theodore…"

I laughed as he put me down. "And I can't wait for our honeymoon." I gave him a joking peck on the corner of his mouth. "And I can't wait to see what your face'll be like when I leave you for Severus Snape." I sigh dramatically. "He's so dreamy."

When we were back in our sleeping bags, I thought about what Dora had said. I never considered the chance of James, Sirius, Remus, or Peter starting to like me, or me one of them. We'd already know each other and trust each other. But James and I had just turned thirteen. I definitely hadn't thought of having a boyfriend yet or anything. I guess with Hogsmeade trips coming up this year, I could possibly get asked out. I've heard that the older students go on dates there.

Hmm… Something to sleep on.


	8. Year 3, Part 1

**Chapter 8: **Year 3, Part 1

A week later we went to Diagon Alley to restock on school supplies. As the boys went into Quality Quidditch Supplies, I looked longingly through the display window. I had always kind of wanted to play Quidditch, but I just never had the chance. I wasn't a bad flier; when we learned how to in first year, I was actually better than half the class. I wasn't any gem like James or Sirius, but I had good balance and control.

James had tried out for chaser last year, and had gotten in. Sirius was going to try for beater this year. I asked him once, why beater? He said he liked to hit stuff. I didn't ask him to elaborate.

"Interested in Quidditch, are you, Lily?" I spun around to face Gideon Prewett, and his brother Fabian not far behind. Both were grinning at me as if they knew something I didn't.

"Er… yes, my friends are in there."

"Why aren't you?"

I shrugged my shoulders. They weren't exactly strangers; Gideon was in seventh year and Fabian in sixth. I'd run into them a couple times in the library or in the halls. They'd talked to me before, sometimes when I asked them questions about school rules to find loopholes for the boys. Both were prefects, so I trusted them well enough.

And both were on the Gryffindor Quidditch team also.

I had to try very hard not to show an evil grin. "I've always wanted to play, but things would get in the way." Like bruises or homework. "I'd like to learn how, I know all—well, most of the rules and I'm pretty good on a broom." I turned back to the window and put on a deliberate dreamy expression. I didn't know if sighing would be too obvious, so I decided not to risk it.

"What position do you like?" Gideon asked. I turned around and could see in his eyes he was getting the exact idea I wanted him to.

The seeker had graduated last year. The position was up for grabs.

"Seeker," I answered, waiting for them to put two and two together.

They were silent a moment, exchanged a silent conversation in their eyes, then Fabian slowly said, "Will you have some extra time in the evenings at school?"

Inwardly pumping my fists in the air in triumph, I kept an unconcerned but intrigued expression on my face. "Probably. I'm pretty good at getting my work done first thing."

"We could—possibly—teach you the ways of the game."

I brightened up like a child on Christmas morning. "Really? Would you? I couldn't tell you how much I would appreciate that!"

Proud grins took over their faces. "'Kay, we'll see you at the feast."

As they walked away I beamed at them and called, "See you!"

James, Sirius, and Remus came out a moment later and took in the look on my face. "What have you been smoking?" Sirius asked. I guess I seemed over hyper and they couldn't figure out why.

I smirked. "No reason." When they still studied me suspiciously I laughed, tugging on James' hand, "Come on, I need to go get books at Flourish and Blotts."

I was in between two bookshelves looking at some good Wizard romance novels to read in my spare time—every girl at my age likes romance—when I get a shiver down my spine. I look over and see Emi Chang, a girl I share a dorm with, talking, or rather flirting, with James on the other side of the store. I felt mad and sick and cold all at the same time. Was I jealous? If so, was I jealous because she's talking to _my _best friend, or because she's some other girl in general, talking to my property?

And I bet she knew that it would set me off somehow.

As I took a step towards them to give Emi a piece of my jealous mind, a voice to my right had me turning around again.

"Well, Evans, I didn't know you were here." It was Jordan Hawke, a good-looking Ravenclaw with a killer smile. Well, I'll tell you, I practically live with three guys that could spout off real magnetic smiles. I've grown immune to them.

Jordan had golden hair and golden eyes with a ring of hazel around the edge. His voice was lower than I remember, but so was James, Sirius, and Remus'. And just like those three, he seemed to have had a growth spurt, and that's saying a lot since I'm petite anyway.

He leaned a shoulder against one of the shelves as I awkwardly replied, "Oh, I couldn't possibly stay away from a bookstore."

He flashed his grin and asked, "Getting your school supplies?"

Well, what else would I be doing, moron? "Yup, you?"

"Sure, got myself a broom—the new Shooting Star—for Quidditch this year."

Oo, do you want a cookie? "Yeah, you're the Ravenclaw seeker, aren't you?"

He spread his arms out, still grinning. "Guilty."

Before I could respond, however, Sirius came up behind me and whined, "Can we go now?"

Thanking Merlin I had a distraction, I cooed, "Oh, my poor baby, it's gotta hurt to be around all these books filled with knowledge." I reached up on my tiptoes to kiss his forehead, and then grabbed the three books I had been interested in off the shelf. Turning back to Jordan, I said, "Sorry, gotta go. See you at school?"

Disappointment for having to end the conversation and annoyance for having Sirius interrupt flashed briefly through his eyes as he said, "Yeah, see you."

I grinned at him apologetically though not really feeling sorry as I led Sirius away. Telling Sirius to go round up Remus, I marched over to James who was still talking to Emi. With an inward smirk of satisfaction, I could tell he was trying to break away. Only too happy to help him out, I didn't even glance at Emi as I said to James, "Hey, Sirius is in agony for staying here too long, I'm gonna ring these up with my school books, then we can go. Can I have some galleons?" James and I always shared our money, Muggle or Wizard. Today was his turn to carry it around.

Shifting the books he had in his hand to prove his point, he replied, "Actually, I need to buy these, too. I'll jump in line with you. See you, Emi."

"Bye," she said while looking crestfallen. Behind James' back, she and I exchanged glares full of pure hatred.

Let the game begin.

An anxious Sirius and patient Remus joined us in line. I smiled gratefully at Sirius, "Thanks for breaking me away from Hawke. I owe you one."

He grinned. "You were giving off fake smiles and panic signals. I figured I'd do two in one; get you outta there and get closer to leaving at the same time."

I raised an admirable eyebrow, "Slick."

I turned to James as he said, "And I owe _you _one." He ruffled my hair. "She was a little overenthusiastic and eager. Sort of seemed like she had to pee."

I laughed, then grimaced as I revealed, "She shares the dorm with me. First to sleep and last to rise claiming she needs all the 'beauty sleep' she can get. Personally, I don't think it helps much. Always the Drama Queen and attention thirsty. First time I saw her I knew I hated her. Apparently, it's mutual." I grabbed his hand, warning, "I think you're gonna be stuck in the middle of something. Me and her, who can get the most of your attention?" I narrowed my eyes. "You better be on my side and _stay_ there."

Flinging an arm over my shoulder and kissing my cheek, he vowed loudly, "No one could take your place in my heart, babe." Then he whispered in my ear, "Don't look now, but the enemies on both of our accounts are looking. Giggle."

I did as I was told and was taken aback when he pecked me lightly on the lips. Apparently he had done it on purpose as the last straw, for a moment later I glanced over my shoulder and smirked as Emi Chang and Jordan Hawke stormed out of the bookstore. We laughed as we brought our books. James didn't remove his arm from my shoulders until we got home, which didn't bother me at all.

A week later we were kissing Abby and John goodbye and boarding the Hogwarts Express.

I winked at Gideon and Fabian Prewett as we passed them and they smiled warmly. Walking by a group of Slytherin boys from our year and a few older, there were low whistles and murmurs of appreciation for my 'talent'. All four of us threw glares over our shoulders and James, Sirius, and Remus moved in closer to me. I gave them a shy grin in embarrassed thanks.

We met up with Peter in our compartment and he told us all of the woes of his summer. We told him he didn't miss out on much.

Two hours into the ride, I looked up from my book as our compartment door slid open. In a flash, Emi Chang was crowding James with, "Oh, I've been looking all over for you, James!" and started telling him about all the _fascinating_ things that had happened to her over the last week. James put a hand on my ankle, seeing as my feet were in his lap, subtly hinting to her that he had me and that was all he needed. Of course, she ignored this.

And what to my wondering surprise should appear, but Jordan Hawke, with his 'charming' smile. Again leaning his shoulder on the door frame, which must be a habit of his, he said, "Hey, Evans, long time, no see."

Groaning on the inside, I forced a smile back. Without invitation, he let himself in the compartment and, probably making me remove my feet from James' lap on purpose, sat down next to me. Emi was still jabbering away at James. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Sirius, Remus, and Peter and get looks of utmost annoyance on their faces (we had told Peter about our Flourish and Blotts episode.)

Jordan asked me, "What's new?"

Sirius shot up from his seat and, pulling me up to stand tightly against his side, got James and Emi's attention when he said, "She finally agreed to marry me!"

Shock, confusion, and disgust splashed across Jordan and Emi's faces. Playing along, I giggled and poke a finger in Sirius' side. "Honey, you weren't supposed to tell anyone."

He poked me back. "Excuse me for being proud of my success to woo you."

I pretended to get all gushy. "Ah, baby, you're so sweet." I noisily kissed his cheek. He beamed. Turning to face Jordan and Emi I said, "How could you _not_ love this face." I gave Sirius an Eskimo kiss. "My little snuggly wuggly bear."

Awkward, putout, and clearly disgusted, Jordan and Emi left the compartment. As soon as the door was closed, James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and I burst out in hysterical laughter.

Gasping for breath, I said, "Merlin, guys, we should be actors. Or maybe comedians. We have great poker faces."

Laying down and burying my face in James' lap, I prepared to sleep the rest of the way.

That night, after the feast, my comrades and I were sitting around the fire in the common room when the Prewett brothers came over to me. Before they could say anything, I jumped up and pulled them into a corner. They gave me an odd look, to which I replied, "It's a surprise for them. Please don't tell them."

They nodded. Fabian said, "Gab's gonna be loaded with homework because of NEWTs, but we both figured on Wednesdays after dinner we could train you for a couple of hours. That is, until the seasons starts. That work?"

I smiled a mile wide. I swear I lit up the room. "Perfect!"

"Great. See you then." After a few steps away, Gideon turned back and said, "And get to bed," with betraying smirk. I stuck my tongue out at him.

Returning to the boys, I had a smirk of my own stretching uncontrollably across my face. "What did you do?" Remus asked slowly.

Erasing my smirk, I looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes. "Nothing," I lied with a straight face. They, of course, weren't convinced.

In my dorm, I was getting ready for bed when Emi Chang cornered me.

"Don't think I don't know what you're playing at," she spat. "Either you're some scarlet woman, or you're just stuck up because you're best friends with the cutest boys in the year. I don't see why they hang around you anyway; you're some stupid pushover that just happens to be pretty."

As I stared at her, surprised by such venom, Janet Nickels came to stand between Emi and me. "And what are you playing at? You walk around here as if you own the place, strutting around with you chest pushed out. News flash, you've got _nothing_. Just because you're family is high in the Ministry, you think everyone likes you. You're blind; I see you flirt with James Potter, and I also see his disgusted look when you spit in his face as you pronounce the P. Now, go to bed, or you'll regret it. Lily's only ever been nice, that's more than I can say for you."

Emi looked like she had been slapped in the face. Gaping, she slowly retreated to her bed. Janet turned to face me. "Thank you so much. I owe you. Want to sit with me at breakfast tomorrow?"

Janet looked surprised. "Erm… Sure, I guess. Listen, you didn't deserve what she said. Someone had to fight fire with fire," she grinned as she said this, like she enjoyed the fact it got to be her privilege. "Don't let her get to you. She's full of hot air."

I nodded, "Thanks again. Well, we should get to sleep. I'll save you a seat in the morning."

As I lay in bed for the next hour, I couldn't help thinking about what Emi had said. I scolded myself for doing so, but it got to me.

_Either you're some scarlet woman, or you're just stuck up because you're best friends with the cutest boys in the year. I don't see why they hang around you anyway; you're some stupid pushover that just happens to be pretty._

Insecure, I climbed out of bed as quietly as I could, and made my way over to the boys' room.

Peering in the door, I smiled softly when Peter's loud snores filled the hall. They were all deep into sleep. It didn't matter; I needed someone.

James' bed was nearest me. I gazed at his peaceful face, and then reached up to brush his hopelessly mussed hair away from his eyes. Gingerly lifting up the covers, I slipped in beside him. He must have notice the weight shift in his sleep, because soon his arms automatically wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer to him. Then his eyebrows furrowed, and his eyes slowly flickered open. When his mind was awake enough to recognize me, he propped himself up on an elbow and studied my face.

"Lily," he ran his fingers down my cheek, "what's wrong."

"Couldn't sleep?" Buy it, please buy it.

"What's bothering you?" Damn.

I sighed. "Emi Chang." Now I had his full attention.

"What did she say to you?" he quietly demanded, mindful of his slumbering roommates.

I was quiet for a while, and then I felt my eyes fill. "Do you just let me in your circle because I'm pretty?" It was barely above a whisper.

His features immediately softened. "Oh, Lily, of course not. You're special to us, to me. We've known each other long before we could remember. We wouldn't use you like that, and you know it. Deep in you heart, you know it."

"Don't you ever get bored of me?"

"Have I yet?" When I didn't answer, he continued, "You're one of the most fascinating people I know. Not many people could live through what you have and still end up as loving as you are. Sometimes I wonder if _I _deserve _you._"

My eyes snapped up to meet his. "You do?"

"Mmhmm. What did I do to have the honor of being best friends with such a beautiful, talented, and interesting girl?"

Aw, isn't he just the darnedest thing? I smiled slowly, and he returned it. When I looked away, his put a finder under my chin and lifted it to face him. "I love you."

"I love you, too." It seemed for a second he gave a sad smile, but maybe I imagined it.

"Now, forget about that Chang chick, and get some sleep."

I bit my lip nervously, "Can I stay with you tonight? I… I need you." I felt heat rise to my face and turned my gaze anywhere but him.

"Look at me, Lily." I obeyed. "I will _always_ be here when you need me. No matter_ what._"

What could I say to that? Trust James Potter to have a better plan, better expanation, better complitment. On a sob of gratitude, I breathed, "God, I love you."

He kissed my forehead, and put an arm around my shoulders as I snuggled up to his side. Kissing his jaw, I fell into the best sleep I'd had in weeks.


	9. Year 3, Part 2

**Chapter 9: **Year 3, Part 2

That morning I woke up next to my favorite warm body. None of the boys were up yet, so I kissed James on the jaw and silently slipped out of the room.

I took a shower and dressed, then headed down to the common room to wait for the boys and Janet. Soon, all six of us were sitting down at Gryffindor table.

"So, Janet, eh? Tell us about yourself," Sirius said as he sunk into piles of greasy bacon, eggs, and pancakes drowned in syrup.

"I'm muggleborn, best at Care of Magical Creatures because I love animals, an only child so I'm not really girly, and I think that you're a very interesting creature. Definitely one of a kind," Janet answered honestly, eyeing Sirius as he shoveled in three pieces of toast.

I laughed. "That's Sirius for you. But actually, we all kind of eat like that." I promptly stuffed my mouth with a cinnamon roll.

Janet looked mildly shocked. "If you eat like he does (she pointed at Sirius, who looked up with his cheeks puffed out, full of food), how do you stay so damn skinny?"

I shrugged. "Don't know myself. Just do." I took a drink of pumpkin juice and scrunched up my nose. "It takes a while to get used to that compared to milk."

"Oh, I know," Janet agreed. "I can't wait to try this butterbeer everyone's talking about."

"That's some mighty good stuff," Sirius threw in between bites. "Butterbeer."

Remus asked Janet, "So, you're muggleborn, like Lily. What do you like most about the Wizarding World?"

Janet furrowed her eyebrows in thought for a moment. "Tough decision," she slowly began. "I guess I like… Hogwarts in general. Can't pick one thing in particular."

"I agree, it's overwhelming, but I'm getting used to it. Kind of weird living in your school, though," I said.

Janet took a bite of eggs then gestured to James and me with her fork. "How'd you two get so close?"

"We live in the same neighborhood. Our parents were good friends; mums had us two hours apart. I'm the oldest," James explained with a smirk at me, to which I stuck out my tongue.

"Don't act like it," I said.

Ignoring me, James continued, "Grew up together. Don't have much in common, but we get along great."

"Abigail and Jonathan Potter? They're your parents?" James nodded. "So aren't you a pureblood?" James nodded again. "Isn't it against your 'policy' to associate with people like us?" Janet asked suspiciously, narrowing her eyes.

James and Sirius, who were sitting next to each other, both frowned deeply. James answered, "My family's always been open-minded. We don't follow all of that pureblooded rubbish." He jerked his head in Sirius' direction. "Same with Sirius. Hates his family—"

"Black? From the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black?" Janet interrupted incredulously, and then glanced at the Slytherin table. "What are you doing here?"

"Yes, those Blacks. Unfortunately," Sirius grumbled grimly. "And I'm in Gryffindor because the last place I want to be is in Slytherin." He glared at no one in particular at the Slytherin table.

Janet seemed satisfied. Suddenly she went pink in the cheeks. "I'm sorry, I tend to say what's on my mind. Think before I act is what my mum always tells me. Never did any good."

"Don't worry, they're perfectly reasonable questions," Remus assured her.

Out of nowhere, squeals of, "Jamsie-Poo!" reached our ears. Seconds later, Emi Chang was squishing herself between James and Sirius, only mindful of James. He glanced at me, and with my glare I told him, "Get. Her. Away. _Now_."

"Good morning, and how are you today?" Emi cooed, playing with James' hair.

He leaned out of her reach. "Great, but I'd like to finish my breakfast."

Unfazed, Emi reached over Sirius and grabbed the vacant plate, and filled it with food.

"He meant: I'd like to finish my breakfast and not have to worry about puking it up when I look at you," Janet snapped at Emi, leaning forward with her eyes narrowed. "So go away."

Emi slowly brought her gazed up to meet Janet's. "Fine," she snapped icily. To James she silkily drawled: "My door's always open."

When she had taken one step away, she suddenly turned back to face me. "I always get what I want."

Knowing she meant James, I retaliated, "Over my dead body."

Emi cocked an eyebrow. "So be it."

In the following weeks Janet became closer to us. The boys and I had a secret meeting and decided we could trust her, so we told her our secrets about my dad, Remus, and Animagi.

It's kind of nice, having a girl as a friend, too. There were some things one just couldn't tell a male, or at least an _immature_ male. Janet was in all of our classes, and she wasn't wrong; she was _great _with animals.

She lived with her dad. Her mom had died during a bank robbery when she had been running errands. Got caught by a stray bullet.

Every Wednesday night I would disappear after dinner and meet the Prewitt brothers to be given Quidditch lessons. Some of them were all talking sessions, but most of them held lots of me observing them, and then trying it myself. I was getting really good at it. They especially taught we seeker, sharpening my sight, showing me where is the best places to hover in a game so I could see the whole of the pitch entirely, because that's what I had said I liked the best.

Mid-October came around and a notice for the first Hogsmeade weekend was put on the board. It was on Halloween. Another notice said team Quidditch tryouts were to be the weekend before.

I listened to Sirius ramble on and on about trying out for beater. Many other Gryffindors could be heard around the common room talking about trying out also. I didn't say anything. I wanted to see the look on their faces when I make seeker. Assuming I would be, anyway.

The Saturday of try-outs came upon us at last. The boys asked Janet and me if we wanted to come watch. I hoped I kept a bored expression when I declined. Janet went with them though. It was all for the better; now I could make my way down there by myself without her tailing me.

The boys left thirty minutes to nine a.m. I left fifteen, already changed. I was nervous on the inside, but knew in order to make a good impression, I had to keep my cool, and act like it was no big deal.

When I arrived on the pitch, everybody that was trying out was already there. I stood in the shadows; the Prewitts knew where I was. I had told them I wanted it to be a complete surprise.

The Gryffindor Quidditch team needed a beater and a seeker. They did beater first, just as I requested. Then they went through all of the people that were in the stands to try for seeker.

Finally, Gideon called, "Is there anyone else that wishes to try out for seeker?"

That was my cue. I walked into the sunlight and felt everyone's eyes turn to me. "I do."

He had a twinkle in his eye and it seemed he was trying to suppress a smirk. "Right. Come on then."

He led me out onto the pitch and I grasped the new Silver Arrow I had asked Abby and John to send me. The morning when it was delivered during breakfast had been a close shave.

"Mount your broom," Gideon ordered, "and fly up a ways. I'll call when I let the snitch go. Good luck." He whispered the last to me so no one could hear. I swung a leg over my broom, took a breath, and kicked off. I heard gasps from the crowd for the speed I went, not to mention I controlled it. I've been practicing on this broom; it was no problem.

When I was up a good sixty-seventy feet at least, I turned around just in time to see a flicker of gold speed off. Gideon shouted, "Wait about five minutes, then go after it."

I set the alarm on my watch for five minutes. There was a warm breeze for October; it blew through my hair and shimmered on some golden strands. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Up here is where I can think. Up here, above the world. The sun was bright and a few wispy clouds floated by.

Something caught my eye down by the stands. I hadn't seen them earlier. It was Jordan Hawke and some of his mates from Ravenclaw. I'm sure he came to watch seeker try-outs, to see whom he would be competing with. Well, let me give him something to watch.

I heard a distant beep. Startled, I glanced at my watch. I can start my search now. To indicate I was beginning, I slowly circled the pitch, my eyes open for any kind of glimmer. A hair barrette, an earring, a bracelet. Not my snitch.

I flew down a few feet and continued circling the pitch. My mind was oblivious to the many eyes that watched, criticized my every movement. My only goal was to find the gold at the end of the rainbow.

Just as I was going over the Hufflepuff stands, I saw a tiny golden glint near the middle of the pitch. I turned completely around and did a dead-on dive for it. The ground was coming up at me, blinding me with bright green. Suddenly the snitch veered off to the right, I gave my Silver Arrow the slightest nudge and I followed. Stretching out my hand, my eyes narrowing, I took a grab for it. I nicked the wing, but the stubborn ball shot up vertically. I tightened my grip on my broom so I wouldn't fall off and flicked upward myself. I must have chased it up to ninety feet, but I couldn't let it out of my sight.

Abruptly, the snitch made a circle around me and sped back toward ground. Getting frustrated, I growled deep in my throat and gave chase. It led me straight down, and once again the ground was coming up fast. I reached for the blasted thing. My fingers closed around it and I suddenly realized I was going to crash into the ground. I pulled up on the very tip of the broom's handle and leveled it the best I could. It was too late to stop the collision, but I lessened the impact. When I hit ground I gave a small yelp, somersaulting a few times before finally lying flat on my back. The only thing that could be heard for a moment was my heavy breathing.

Then, I held up my hand from where I lay, and flashed the small golden ball that was wrapped tightly in my fingers. Cheers exploded and the earth thundered so I knew everyone was racing toward me. I tried to sit up, but quickly the world began to spin so I shut my eyes and lay back down. Familiar hands started touching me, feeling my cheeks so I opened my eyes.

"Lils, are you all right?" James asked.

"Fine," I panted.

"That was wicked!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Never seen anything like it!" someone else shouted.

"You're bound to be on the team!" Janet said as she knelt beside James.

With a smile as big as Russia, I tried to sit up, but I let out a hiss as everything started to spin again. I rubbed my temples trying to ease the headache.

"What's wrong, Lily?" I heard James ask. I had a feeling he knew I had been hurt, even if it was minor.

"Headache and dizziness is all," I replied faintly. I opened my eyes and blinked a couple times. Black was starting to creep into the corners of my eyes. The many excited voices around me warped together. I felt James lift my head, and the rest was darkness.

There were quiet murmurs all around me as my eyes fluttered open. I took in the white walls, the big windows above every bed, and the crisp linen sheets I was covered with. I blinked and my vision cleared a bit. Taking a deep breath, I tried to push myself up. I hand gently grabbed my arm, and helped to hoist me up against my pillows. My eyes fixed on James.

Giving him a weak smile, I croaked, "Thanks." The murmurs stopped all at once. Swinging my eyes around the group of people that had gathered around my bed in the hospital wing, I saw my four boys and Janet, the Gryffindor Quidditch team, many fellow housemates, and, unfortunately, Jordan Hawke and his buddies.

"You feel all right?" James asked, cupping my cheek.

I grunted. "Hungry."

Sirius spoke up, "Yep, she's good." A wave of chuckles went around the crowd.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "How long have I been here?"

James glanced at Remus. "Two days."

My eyes widened. "Two—two days? But, but I hardly got hurt!"

"You got a nasty bump on your head," Janet explained as my hand instinctively flew to where it was throbbing slightly. Damn, that was pretty big. "You fainted on the pitch. Been out since." She took a gander at James, Sirius, and Remus in turn. "There's something you should know, though, Lily."

"No!" I interrupted. "No! Don't tell me! I'll feel so guilty! Don't tell me the Giant Squid got married to Marian the Mermaid!" I covered my eyes with my hands. "I was supposed to be their maid of honor…" I pretended to begin to weep.

Laughs echoed through the room. Remus smiled, "No, Lily, it's not that—"

I interrupted again by gasping and looking wide-eyed at Sirius. "Oh, honey, I'm sorry. It was _our _wedding I missed! Please, _please_ tell me we can reschedule!"

Sirius snorted and kissed my head. "We'll get word out that it's been moved to Christmas. Lily, they've decided who they want for beater and seeker already while you were out."

I turned suddenly serious and sat up straighter. "And?"

Gideon, who was standing at the end of my bed, said, "The beater—"

"Is Sirius," Fabian finished.

I squealed and threw my arms around Sirius neck a second time. "Congratulations, honey!" With a smirk I kissed his nose. "I'm so _proud _of you!"

"Seeker," Gideon continued. He waited in silence until I was squirming in my bed, impatience overtaking my features.

"Is you."

I punched my fist in the air, careful not to hit anyone. "Yes!"

Practice started the following day. Sundays were free, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday was after dinner to dark, and Tuesdays and Thursdays were from five thirty in the morning to breakfast, and every other Saturday from lunch to dinner.

It was pretty much like when I was working with Gideon and Fabian, only the entire team was there. Positions stood as thus:

Seeker: Lily Evans

Keeper: Frank Longbottom

Beater 1: Patrick Morgan

Beater 2: Sirius Black

Chaser 1: Gideon Prewitt

Chaser 2: Fabian Prewitt

Chaser 3: James Potter

Since three out of the six of our group had to attend these practices, Janet, Remus, and Peter came to watch, sometimes bringing homework, a game, or a book.


	10. Year 3, Part 3

**Chapter 10: **Year 3, Part 3

The weekend after the team try-outs was our first Hogsmeade trip. It wasn't a practice Saturday, so everyone slept in. Around nine, Janet and I trudged down to breakfast, meeting the boys there.

"Morning," I yawned as I plopped down next to James.

"Morning!" Sirius said cheerfully from across the table.

I stared at him blankly from under heavy eyelids. Turning to James, I said, "Right, how much sugar has he had already?"

"Not sugar!" Sirius exclaimed indignantly. "I'm a morning person, Lils; you should know that by now."

"Know it, yes; understand it, no," I grumbled as I buttered a muffin.

An hour later James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Janet, and I were lined up with the rest of the students third year and up, waiting to be checked off by Filch, the caretaker. Mean old bloke; never liked him.

When he came upon me I handed him my slip. He looked it over, but I didn't like the smirk that formed on his cracked lips.

"This isn't signed by your parents," he said, looking up at me.

I squared my shoulders and replied like I was trying to explain surgery to a two-year-old. "My mum's dead. The Potter's have custody of me."

"What about your old man?"

"I don't have to see him if I don't want to," I snapped back coldly. He was riding my nerves.

"But he's still around. I'm sorry; you have to get his signature." He didn't sound sorry at all, more triumphant.

"Why you—"

"Is there a problem, Argus?" interrupted a calm voice. Dumbledore walked up to us.

"Miss Evans here doesn't have a parents signature. I can't let her through," he explained.

Making sure he didn't get the upper hand, I quickly said, "Headmaster, you know my father. And you know that Abby and John are my guardians. I don't see why their signatures shouldn't meet satisfactory."

Dumbledore seemed to think a moment, as if trying to remember whom I lived with. I don't blame him; there's got to be over a thousand students attending Hogwarts. Surely it's a trick to remember them all and their parents. Finally, he nodded, like he remembered my situation. "Yes. Argus, Abigail and Jonathan Potter are her rightful caretakers. I approve of their signatures." With that he nodded once, then gracefully turned away.

I met Filch's eyes and smirked superiorly. Patting him on the shoulder, I said cheerfully, "And good day to you, sir!" Holding back a snort until I was a good distance away, my day was certainly looking better already.

Then it went quickly downhill.

"I think you've officially put yourself on his 'list', Janet commented as we started down the path to the all-wizard village. "Is it true he hangs you up by your toenails?"

"Nah," Sirius answered. "The worst he's ever done to us was making us clean all of the toilets in the castle with a toothbrush. No magic. But, of course, he made it worse when he didn't let us clean the girls', too." The boys all snickered.

"Yeah, you just wait," I muttered to Janet. "They'll find a way to our side of the Tower soon enough."

Remus coughed and I spun my head around to look at him. The four boys were biting their lips and the inside of their cheeks trying to suppress smirks. I narrowed my eyes and stopped walking. After a few paces, the rest did also and turned to look at me.

"_What_ have you done?" I demanded to know sternly. Janet, the clever girl, had already suspected what I was thinking and came up to stand next to me. She had her arms folded across her chest, and I had my fisted hands stemming from my hips.

The boys glanced at each other and snorted. Sirius stepped forward and immediately put on an innocent, puppy-dog face. "Whatever do you mean, Lils?"

Suddenly I had no patience, no tolerance for them. I don't know where it came from, but I just couldn't stand them. I sniped, "You _impudent_ little _jerks_, have you gotten into foul territory?" Years ago we had established places the opposite gender couldn't wander. Like the boys couldn't go into the girls' part of Gryffindor Tower, since they can't be trusted, but I can go into their dormitory whenever I needed one of them, James to be precise, because they could trust me not to purposely walk in on them while they're taking a shower.

From the guilty-but-not-sorry looks on faces, I fixed my own conclusion. Giving them a look of utmost disgust, I marched past them and continued on the trail. To my luck, Janet had followed me.

"I can't believe them!" I burst. "They know where they can go and where they can't go, but do they listen? No! Do they tell me, warn me, get my permission? No!" I let out a strangled screech of frustration. "Sometimes I just can't _stand_ them!"

Janet didn't say anything. She was a bit miffed, too, but she thought I was kind of exaggerating. She had an idea of why I was suddenly so sensitive, but she'd wait until I settled down to tell me. But she knew I would need to get a _lot_ of chocolate from Honeydukes.

She and I entered the village and paused. "Well, where to?" she asked me. I glanced around, licking my lips. There was Zonko's Joke Shop, Honeydukes, Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop, Gladrags Wizardwear, Dervish and Banges, The Three Broomsticks, Madam Puddifoot's, the Hogs Head, the Post Office, and the Shrieking Shack.

I didn't need new robes; I had gotten fresh pairs of everything before school this year. I didn't need any school supplies, I didn't need to mail anything, I didn't need anything fixed, and I'd heard that the Hog's Head isn't the nicest of places to be. That left Zonko's, Honeydukes, The Three Broomsticks, Madam Puddifoot's, and the Shrieking Shack.

"How about we venture through Zonko's, then Honeydukes, swing by the Shrieking Shack, and stop by for one of those famous butterbeers at the Three Broomsticks?" I suggested.

"Alright," Janet agreed.

Right off the bat I knew the boys' favorite shop would be Zonko's. It wouldn't take Albert Einstein to figure that one out. An evil smirk appeared on my face when I thought of how much Filch must love it when students return with their pockets full of Zonko's merchandise. I made sure I had my own personal supply of most of the things in there.

Honeydukes was my fourth heaven. Behind Hogwarts, the Potter's, and Flourish and Blotts in Diagon Alley. Candy of all sorts lined the shelves. Ice Mice, Chocolate Frogs, Acid Pops, Bertie Botts' Every Flavor Beans, Jelly Slugs, Fizzing Whizbees, Sugar Quills, Toothflossing Stringmints, Droobles Best Blowing Gum, Pepper Imps, and a whole other section of "Unusual Tastes". Although to me, everything here was rather unusual, of course. Janet and I made sure to stuff our pockets to the brim with anything chocolate.

On our way to the Shrieking Shack, we passed the boys. They were looking quite ashamed of themselves, and gave us guilty, apologetic looks. I raised an eyebrow and walked right on by, clearly meaning, "Don't bother; I'm still miffed." I think Janet smiled at them though; she never really seemed all too offended to begin with. I still don't know why I was.

She and I walked up to the fence and leaned against it, staring at the tattered old building Remus visits once a month. I felt so sorry for him; to be cursed with a burden like that has to be true hell. He loses control. Doesn't know who he is, who his friends are, what he's doing. Janet's joined the hunt for finding the way to help the boys become Animagi. We're still taking notes. There are potions they have to drink, physical maturity they have to achieve. I don't think we'll be able to do anything for a couple of years yet.

After a couple moments the two of us wordlessly turned back toward the village. We were lost in our own thoughts when I suddenly doubled over in pain. I groaned as Janet calmly came to support me and sighed, "I've been expecting this." When the stabbing in my abdomen ceased momentarily, she led me into the Three Broomsticks and into the bathrooms there. Making sure no one was inside, Janet took something out of one of the inside pockets of her cloak and handed it to me. I gave her a perplexed look, and she explained what I do with it. I felt so embarrassed, but I'm glad it was Janet that told me and not someone who was walking by and saw red on the seat of my pants.

We made are way to the bar and climbed up on stools. We didn't have to wait long before the owner of the pub came to take our orders.

"'Lo, dears, I'm Rosmerta. What'll it be fer yeh?" she asked with a big welcoming grin.

"Er, two butterbeers, please," I answered uncertainly. It seemed to be the right thing to say though, for the stylish woman skittered off as soon as I had finished the last syllable.

I looked around the pub. It was jam-packed with Hogwarts students. There were also some things I couldn't quite recognize. Looked like a hag, maybe, and something else that kept to the shadows. I shivered, pretty sure it was a vampire, and the bright crimson liquid in its tankard was blood. These things were to be expected, I assumed, for this was the only all-magical village left in Wizarding England.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone wave. Turning around so I could get a better look, I inwardly groaned when I saw it was Jordan Hawke and his Ravenclaw mates sitting at a table. He was flashing me his 'charming' smile again, and I suddenly turned to Janet and poked her in the side surreptitiously.

"What?" she hissed.

"Pretend we're talking," I replied through clenched teeth. "I'm excited for the Halloween feast tonight aren't you, Janet?" I asked her louder.

"Oh, I certainly am," agreed a much deeper voice than Janet's. Turning to the left on my stool I faced Jordan, who was leaning his back against the counter next to me, arms folded over his chest. "You been enjoying the sights, Evans?" he asked as Rosmerta served Janet and me our butterbeers.

"Mmhmm," was my answer as I took a swig from my bottle. A warming sensation coursed through my body, from my head down to my toes. "It's simply marvelous." I grinned at Rosmerta as I paid her for my and Janet's drinks.

"Yeah, I thought so—" Before he could go any farther though, I pretended to 'accidentally' knock over my butterbeer. Straight onto his lap, that is.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" I gasped. I jumped up and grabbed a bunch of napkins from the counter, throwing them at him. "It was an accident! Here, dry it off before it gets sticky!" Almost ready to burst with laughter, Janet as well, I grabbed my bags of things I had gotten at Zonko's and Honeydukes and ran out of the door. Luckily, Janet followed.

When reached the gate at the edge of Hogsmeade, she and I laughed freely.

"If that doesn't shake him off, I don't know what will!" I gasped.

"It was so _obvious_, Lily! Anyone could tell you did that on purpose!"

"Yeah, well, what it takes."

We caught our breath and picked up our things again. "Here." I took out my wand and said a charm that made the bags light as feathers. "That'll make this easier for us."

We started up the path that would lead us back to school, each bursting into giggles every now and then, still trying to get over the pub incident. The laughter seemed to have been my remedy for my temper, and now I was starting to wonder where my other best friends had gotten. Casting a glance back at the village, I decided to just wait until they met up with us in Gryffindor Tower or at the feast.

Janet and I went straight up to our dormitories to put our things away. Then we went down to the common room to finish a bit of homework and wait for the boys. There were only first and second years and a few older students around that hadn't wanted to go to Hogsmeade.

An hour later though, around three o'clock, they didn't come back alone. Accompanying them was none other than Emi Chang, who was hanging onto James' arm like a lifeline. Janet and I met their five pairs of eyes, and everything froze. The silence was deafening. My mouth came open slightly and my eyes got wide with hurt and shock. Janet just looked shocked as she shot a wary glance at me. Emi looked triumphant with a smirk. James looked like a deer caught in the headlights, one that was thinking very fast. Remus stiffened and I could tell he had spotted the problem before anyone else. Peter looked downright frightened and shrank back into a shadowy corner. Sirius looked a mixture of Janet, James, and Remus: cautious of me and my reaction, guilty of the situation they were caught in, and trying to figure out what to say.

Before anyone could do anything, though, I slowly stood up from my chair at the table where I had been doing homework. My bright emerald green eyes shown with very hurt tears as they stared unblinkingly into James' ashamed hazel ones. Then I numbly turned, rigid as a board, and walked quickly toward the girls' dormitory staircase.

This movement seemed to snap everyone else into action though. Emi started jeering, Sirius and Remus shouted incoherent explanations, and Janet yelled at the boys. But James shook off Emi and ran to me, grabbing my arm as I was climbing up the first few steps.

"Lily, listen to me, it wasn't what it looked like—" I jerked out of his grasp and went up a couple more steps. He stayed at the bottom, knowing he couldn't go up these stairs, and grabbed all that he could reach yet, my hand. "_Listen_ to me, Lily. Let me explain—"

I jerked out of his hold again and turned to look him straight in the eye. "No." With that I hurried up the rest of the steps, swiping at the tears that had just spilled over.

I couldn't believe it. He had _promised_ me that he would be on my side, stick with me no matter what. Now guess what happens! She's probably his girlfriend or something. Well, I'm happy for them. Bitterly.

Meanwhile, down in the common room, whispers and murmurs stared to go around the other students as James stared at the spot Lily had just disappeared from. He felt heartbroken and cheated. Damn Emi!

A hand clutched is arm and he was spun around to face a furious Janet. "What the hell was that?" she whispered viciously. James glanced around at the curious stares of the other students and nodded to his three best friends. Leading Janet toward the boys' dormitories, he had almost made it when Emi inquired sweetly, "James, dear, where are you going?"

"Go away, Chang," he said coldly. She may have just ruined his friendship with the most amazing girl he had ever known and the one he had just recently fallen in love with. She will pay.

"But—"

"Sod off," Sirius sneered as he followed his three other mates and Janet up the boys' dormitory staircase. She looked quite offended; that's what he had been aiming for.

As soon as they had locked the door and were sitting down on or around James' bed, Janet demanded to know what that was all about.

James sighed. "She followed us up from Hogsmeade. Clung to my arm like a leech as soon as we reached the Fat Lady. I was about to tell her to stuff it when you and Lily saw us." He bent over and pulled at his hair with his hands. "_What_ have I done?"

There was silence for a moment, and then Janet asked Remus and Sirius for confirmation. They nodded grimly. She gave a sigh of her own. "I'll see what I can tell Lily, then." She quietly got up and left.

Another moment of silence passed before Sirius moved to kneel in front of James. "Mate? You all right?" James was rather pale and breathing funny.

He looked up and the other three had to hold in gasps. At thirteen years old, James Potter had tears in his eyes. "I don't want to lose her," he whispered before lying down on his bed and turning his back on them.

In the third year girls' dorm, Janet had found Lily asleep in bed. Tear trails stained her cheeks.

Needless to say, none of the six joined in the Halloween festivities that night.

**Revelation:**

_Okay, I was reading this book called _Ghosts_ and inside it says: _

But there were other forerunners of death that lent themselves to no natural explanation and that couldnever be dismissed with a shrug or a show of indifference.

Such were black dogs, night walkers feared throught the British Isles. The dogs that preceded death were given various names -- Black Shuck in East Anglia, Skriker and Trash-hound in Lancashire, **Padfoot** in Yorkshire-- but all were of the same fell race. **They appeared on dark nights in country lanes, loping easily along, eyes searching for solitary travelers who should have been safe at home.**

_It instantly reminded me of The Knight Bus chapter, pages 31-33 in the American hardcover edition of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban._

_Cheers, Danielle_


	11. Year 3, Part 4

**Chapter 11: **Year 3, Part 4

The next day dawned and was very awkward for everyone. Janet tried to talk to me several times but I shrugged her off. She was on their side. Traitors, the lot of them. Liars.

At breakfast I couldn't get Sirius, Remus, Peter, or Janet to leave me alone. I ended up leaving after just having a sip of pumpkin juice. I didn't even glance at James.

All through classes it was the same thing. I had to sit with Alice Twain, a girl with whom I shared a dormitory. She stared at me wide-eyed practically the whole time. I guess she never really expected anyone from the 'cool' group to come sit by her.

I never got a chance to eat lunch, or dinner. At Quidditch practice I constantly flew around, whether I was looking for the snitch or not, just to avoid having to talk to anyone.

The next two weeks were like that. I had to avoid Janet, which was the hardest of all, seeing as I lived with her in the same room. Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Janet were getting annoyed, I think. I was getting kind of nervous; one never knows what to expect from them, especially if they needed to take 'drastic' measures.

I never looked at James once. I hadn't heard anything that said he was going out with Emi, and for that I was relieved. But I just couldn't… I don't know, _trust_ him like I used to. I think that somewhere deep down I know that he was really innocent of the whole thing, but I had been hurt so many times by a male before, why shouldn't all of the other guys I know screw around with my mind and feelings?

The second match of the season was coming up, Gryffindor against Slytherin. Ravenclaw had squashed Hufflepuff last weekend.

That Saturday morning in mid-November I got up at seven so I could sneak down to breakfast and back up into my dorm without the boys or Janet hounding me.

By nine thirty I was in the girls' changing room, my hands shaking and my breathing hitching. I was so nervous; I hadn't thought I would be _this _anxious, but damned if I know anything. I straightened my playing robes, grabbed my freshly polished Silver Arrow, and gathered around with the rest of the team. We were all nervous. No one was talking except Gideon, who was trying in vain to give us a pep talk, but it was no use, for none of us was listening.

There was a tug on my sleeve. I started and looked at James. He was sheepishly holding an elastic hair band out to me. I had meant to put it in my hair; it must have fallen out. I gingerly plucked it from his fingers and turned my back on him again as I tied my long, silky, straight red hair away from my face. I knew I should have said at least thank-you or something, but I couldn't look back now. I wouldn't be able to see the hurt on his face.

Suddenly I heard the announcer, an enthusiastic and biased fifth-year Gryffindor, Sky Keller, shout, "And here's the Slytherins! Captain and beaters Higgins and Burley, chasers McQuaide, Floup, Flint, keeper Kuhn, and their seeker Black!"

Oh, Merlin. I just remembered Sirius' cousin, Bellatrix, has played seeker for Slytherin for around two or three years. This is not going to be good.

We mounted our brooms and kicked off as Sky called our names. "Gryffindor! Captain and chaser Gideon Prewitt, his brother and chaser Fabian Prewitt, chaser James Potter, beater Patrick Morgan, the newest beater to replace Viscone is Sirius Black, their keeper Frank Longbottom, and another new installment, who is certainly going to be interesting to watch, their seeker, Lily Evans!"

We took our positions around the pitch. I was level with Bellatrix above everyone else. We looked up at each other at the same time, and she took two fingers and pointed from her eyes to my eyes, meaning, "I'm watching you." I gave her a sly smile in return. We'll just have to see if she can keep up with me.

Madam Zepher, who was to retire at the end of this year, was saying something about a nice clean game (yeah, right), then lifted her whistle to her lips and blew. The game began as I soared high up above the stadium to start my slow circling, Bellatrix not far behind.

In twenty minutes the score was 30 – 0 to Gryffindor. However, in the next fifty minutes, it changed to 80 – 40 to Slytherin, which was fast.

Things were getting rough. More than one bloody nose had come up, there'd been at least five time-outs between the two teams, and Sky's prejudiced remarks weren't helping any. I was starting to feel a little pressured to get this game over with, since it would not be so until one of the seekers had caught the snitch.

I dodged a well-aimed Bludger barely, and saw it immediately change direction and head straight toward an oblivious James. I panicked in a way only a very close friend would.

"JAMES! WATCH OUT!"

He glanced up at me first, took in my words, and moved to the right slightly not a moment too soon. He sent me a grateful grin that I couldn't help but return.

Three hours into the match, the score was tied 90 – 90. At the last time out, Gideon had seemed a little irked at how things have been progressing. He told me to get out the windshield wipers, remove the mud, and hurry to catch that 'damn little gold thingy'. We stared at him, half-amazed he knew what a windshield wiper was, half-frightened by the tone of his voice, and, in my case, pressured beyond all else.

A half hour later though, my body filled with a mixture of stiffness, relief, and excitement. I was a red blur as I sped toward the teachers' box, hand outstretched for the little golden ball. It fluttered quickly toward the middle of the pitch, and I followed, noting Bellatrix not far from my tail.

Up a hundred and seventy feet and climbing, I kept going, oblivious to the stands falling silent, to Bellatrix slowing down, and to Gideon's shouts of, "You're too high, Evans! Let this one go!" Soon I could hear nothing but the wind rushing past my ears, see nothing but thickets of clouds all around me and that tiny golden ball I was determined to reach a few feet ahead.

Suddenly it changed direction too sharply for me to follow. But I tried to swerve around the hundred and eighty degrees, and the next thing I knew was falling… falling…

It took me a moment to realize what was happening. I had fallen off of my broom and was dropping very fast. I fell into the open stadium to gasps and screams. But Merlin On High I was determined to win my first match, against Slytherin no less!

Drawing my wand from where I had kept it concealed within my sleeve, I pointed upward from where I had started falling.

"_Accio Silver Arrow!_" I screamed in a breathlessly high voice. It took only a moment for my trusty chunk of wood to zoom down below me. Thanks to the charms I had put on it earlier to make it more comfortable, I landed a bit hard, but otherwise safely.

Everyone froze in the moment I took to catch my breath, then, making me start, the entire stands (except the Slytherins, of course) broke out in deafening, and obviously relieved, roars and shoats. I glanced around fleetingly with a blush creeping up to my face, and then continued my search for the snitch.

Three and a half hours later the sun was just slightly setting already. The score was 180 – 210 to Gryffindor. I hadn't seen head or tails of the snitch again.

But that soon changed. I caught a glint off the right of the Slytherin stands. I flew to it instantly, tearing through the air like a boat through water. Bellatrix followed, surely, and we chased the blasted snitch for a good twenty minutes until—

I had been so cooped up in grabbing the snitch that I didn't see the Bludger heading straight for me. James bellowed, "LILY, WATCH OUT!" as I had him, but it was too late. As I whirled around, the Bludger smacked right into my stomach, throwing me off balance for a moment, and it was an understatement to say I was in unmerciful, unbearable, and horrible pain. Luckily, the shout James had given me distracted Bellatrix as well so she hadn't gotten the snitch either.

A timeout was called but I couldn't move. I just sat up in the air on my broom, doubled over, until Gideon and Fabian flew over to me. Specks of too many colors to name were popping up in front of my eyes and I struggled to breath or at least not let up any meals. I was simply frozen in a rather uncomfortable position on my Silver Arrow. Must have been in shock.

Soon Madam Zepher, Sirius, and James had joined our little powwow. They kept asking me if I was all right, if I could do anything, if anything hurt, and all I could was grunt neither positively nor negatively at the mindless imbeciles. When I regained my breath, I said unevenly through clenched teeth, "I'm fine. Let's get this over with."

They were extremely reluctant, but for some unnamable reason, they obeyed. I must have looked fierce or exceptionally determined or something.

The match continued for another two and a half hours bringing the score eventually to 270 – 340 to Gryffindor. I was in so much pain it was simply unspeakable. I lazily circled the pitch as I had done pretty much the entire time. Needing to get my adrenaline going, I off-handedly rushed into a dive. What sounded like the complete stadium gasped, and I knew Bellatrix had followed me.

I was going extremely too low, but I needed her to fall for it and not be able to come back up very quickly. Fifteen… Ten… Nine… Seven… Five feet from the ground I suddenly jerked up on my broom.

What happened was little better than I had wished for. Not only did Bellatrix crash into the ground, but I also saw the snitch again. I veered off to the right and reached out. As I cursed the damn thing, it basically sailed into my fingers.

Before anyone could blink though, another Bludger that had probably been hit by an enraged Slytherin, rammed into my right side. It pushed me off of my broom, but since I had been so close to the ground already, I only fell about ten, maybe fifteen feet. I heard a sickening crack as I landed on my arm strangely, and I couldn't take anymore, my body or me. I was surrounded in black instantly; the last bit of anything I saw was a gold sparkle held tightly in my hand.

My senses came back to me before I opened my eyes. The murmurs and mutters grew louder as I came to more and more. Soon they were blaring so I had to moan; even whispers sent sharp pangs against my grandmother of all headaches. My body was stiff so I shifted it for a bit of change, but that caused horrible throbbing in my side and made me awfully nauseous. I sucked a deep breath in through my mouth as I fought back the bile that was rising in my throat.

"She awakens!" exclaimed a voice that belonged to the one and only Sirius.

I groaned a snap fiercely, "Shut that stupid trap of yours, Sirius bloody Black!" Blessed silence took over instantaneously. My voice was raspy and lagged with phlegm. I cleared it in vain before, ignoring the nearly unbearable pain, I slowly pushed myself up until I was, well, at least less horizontal than I had been.

Someone put a glass to my lips and I was too worn out from simply sitting up that I just let them hold it as I sipped the water to clean out my throat. I cleared it again, then tried to open my eyes but got no farther than slits before all the sunshine made my headache worse, so I squeezed them shut again as I moaned in agony.

"Headache? Here, Pomfrey says this'll help," I heard a voice I recognized as Remus' say so softly it was almost a breath lost on wind. I guessed it was him that was practically feeding me.

The potion numbed my head not seconds later, and I finally opened my eyes, having to blink several times to clear away the crusty sleep.

Around my bed of crisp, white linen sheets in the infirmary was the entire Gryffindor Quidditch team, Remus, Peter, and Janet, seemly all of Gryffindor house, along with a good number of students from both Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. Unfortunately, Jordan Hawke thought he should be present.

And, nearly invisible, hidden by the shadows, a lanky form lurked in a corner on the opposite side of the expansive room. I couldn't identify who it was but apparently no one else had spotted him.

"How you feeling?" I looked back to Janet, who was currently had a hand on my shoulder. "You need anything?"

I was thinking about a cheeky response when my stomach answered for me. "Move!" I managed to croak out just before I leaned over and threw up so much it must have been several days' worth of meals and then some. I dry-heaved until my stomach muscles were sore and taut.

"Out of the way, out of the way!" briskly commanded the Hogwart's nurse as she nearly ran over to my bed. I had actually felt the color and warmth drain from my face and just lay there limp, breathing heavily. Madam Pomfrey made her own path through the crowd of students, most of them disgusted.

"Foolish game… Can get killed playing… Should ban it…" the matron grumbled, massively annoyed, as she force-fed me potions and cleaned up with a few flicks of her wand. "There shouldn't be more than five people in here—"

"She just woke up, Madam Pomfrey; can't we chat with her for a minute?" whined Sirius.

Pomfrey pursed her lips, then after a few moments of consideration rolled her eyes and compromised reluctantly, "Ten minutes, then everybody's out. She needs more rest than any of you know." With that she quickly breezed back into her office, once again scowling and growling over Quidditch and that the majority of injuries she gets is due to it. I stuck my tongue out at her back while I held out my hand.

"My wand."

Remus took it from the nightstand and gave it to me. I pointed it at myself and muttered several spells that freshened my breath, cleaned my hair so it lay neatly at my shoulders, cleaned my body so I didn't reek of sweat, and changed my uniform into pajamas. Lastly, I summoned some books and homework from my dorm.

"Comfy?" Gideon asked me sarcastically from where he stood at the end of my bed.

"Very. A first year could do that. It's nothing special. How long have I been out?"

Fabian answered, "Not even an hour. Passed out just after you caught the snitch"—he smirked proudly—"and we brought you straight here."

Suddenly the hospital wing doors opened. I growled loudly deep in my throat and returned the glare Emi Chang sent me.

"So this is where everyone's been?" she asked. "We won; isn't there supposed to be a big party in the common room?" She flicked her hair over her shoulder superiorly.

"We came to see if our _friend_ was all right, Chang." I looked at James with raised eyebrows. He looked deadly annoyed and spoke through clenched teeth.

Emi eyed me over. Damn it! I probably looked very weak and vulnerable. "She's alive."

"You won't be if you don't leave," I challenged her, my voice deadly low.

"I'm a student of this school, you can't make me."

I sat up fully. "Wanna bet?"

"Madam Pomfrey!" Sirius called. "Your patient is disturbed!" With the speed of light, the nurse burst from her office and marched over to push me back into my bed. I struggled slightly, but didn't have the strength. More color must have gone from my face when I did, because Pomfrey practically screeched, "I want everyone out!"

Convincingly, I breathed, "No, wait. It's just Emi Chang." I let myself close my eyes slowly before opening them again in long blinks.

Pomfrey's sizzling gaze flicked to an enraged Emi. "Miss Chang, I must ask you to please leave." Emi whirled around on her heel, her hands balled into fists, and strode out of the room.

I had to stay for 'observation' for the night. There was nothing seriously wrong, just nausea and a sore right side. The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs left first (Jordan, of course, gave me his 'charming' smile and kissed my hand), followed by the Gryffindors, who asked if I would mind them having a party. I said I wouldn't.

That night, after curfew, I was reading _Northern Lights_ by Nora Roberts, a muggle. As Meg and Nate were having a dinner of salad, I glanced up and stiffened when I saw James slip into the hospital alone. We held eye contact as he knelt beside my bed.

"We need to talk." Still holding his gaze, I simply marked my page and closed the romance novel. He looked down. "I would say I've been a jerk and I'm sorry, but I haven't done anything." He raised his hazel eyes to mine again. "Just so you know, that day after Hogsmeade, I hadn't purposely been with Emi. She had followed the guys and me back to the Tower. It was just my bad luck you saw us." He sighed. "That's it."

Three sentences. Three sentences of misunderstanding. I knew I turned instantly red I was so embarrassed. I didn't know what to say, so I broke away from his stare.

He continued, "I was so utterly hurt when you didn't hear me out. You were supposed to trust me, Lily. You knew I wouldn't have ever done something like that to you."

There was a moment of silence as I thought about. No, he probably wouldn't have done something like that to me, especially after all he'd done to promise he'd be on my side. How could I have though otherwise? I'd gotten caught in the heat of betrayal, and when I knew I should have heard an explanation, I had been a stupid, stubborn, ignorant cow. Oops.

I sighed. Not looking at him I said, "I know. I _know._ But you know me. If I put trust in someone and if I _think_ they betrayed me, I shut down."

"You should have heard me out."

"I know. For the love of Merlin, I know." To my horror, tears gathered in my eyes. I didn't know I had gotten that worked up. "You broke my heart when I saw you with my enemy, and I had been crazy with hurt and self-righteousness so I closed everyone off. I'm sorry, I'm so, _so_ sorry. I should have known better. I _knew_ better, I was just stubborn." One salty drop ran down my nose and dripped off the tip.

In an unspoken truce, he stood only to sit on the bed next to me, and take me in his arms. I cried quietly for a moment, it felt the tears needed to fall. Just a few had to get out. When I was composed, he just held me for a moment, to make up for lost time.

Then he shocked me. Utterly shocked me. As I had been leaning out of his embrace, he cupped a hand behind my neck and urgently pulled me back. Only this time, our lips met. I didn't know what to do, it was my first kiss, but instinct set in. His lips hungered for mine, and I automatically fed him. It was when he moaned my name softly on a breath did I come jolting back to earth.

I gasped and pushed him away. We were both panting, and I turned my head away to stare unseeing at the floor. That wasn't supposed to happen. Friends don't kiss friends. Brothers don't kiss sisters. My mind was clogged, and it was a really bad time because I needed to think. I needed space. "Get out," I whispered in command. There was silence for a moment, and then he said, "I'll see you at breakfast." He stood up and walked out.

But he wouldn't. And he didn't for years after that. Not even at home.

Friends don't kiss friends.

**A/N**:_No, this is not the end of the story. There's been a big plot change that I just made this very moment. I thought I'd go through the years, one by one. But now, I'm skipping from now to the summer before seventh year. Lily and James fade out, much to James's dismay, because Lily doesn't feel comfortable with things now. She and Janet drift from theMarauders and are always together. Lily still lives at the Potter's, but she minds her own business, and Janet's always coming over so Lily would have someone when Sirius, Remus, and Peter come. James is beating himself up mentally for breaking the bond, and to try to get her out of his mind, he starts dating a girl per three weeks, as does Sirius, because, well, he's Sirius. Remus does some dates, but isn't a player like his mates. Peter just... does whathe does best._

_I'll still be narrating in first person Lily mainly, but I might skip around a bit for a brief time._

_Please review with any questions or concerns about what I've done._

_I'll post the next chapter ASAP._

_Cheers, Danielle_


	12. Changes

**Chapter 12: **Changes

_Thump, thump, thump._

Silence.

_Thump, thump, thump._

"Lily! Lily, let me in! Hurry!" _Thump, thump, thump. _"Get up and let me in, damnit! Help!"

I opened one eye and hissed when sunlight blinded me. I covered my face with my hands as I sat up. Slowly I reopened my eyes and blinked until I got used to morning.

_Thump, thump, thump. _"Lily, get your arse out of bed! Hurry! Lily, hurry! Help!" _Thump, thump, thump, thump._

Boys must be after Janet again. I decided to be merciful and let her in. Taking my time to get to the door, I yawned as I opened it. But I hadn't gotten there in time. Janet was rolling on the floor, tears streaming down her cheeks as James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter tickled her.

Playing along, I cried dramatically, "Janet, no! They got her! They got her!" I kneeled on the floor and pretended to weep into my hands.

After a moment the boys stopped and let her breathe. Janet panted with her eyes closed like she had just run a marathon constantly at a sprint. Then she sat up and twisted around to glare at me. "You lazy… you… you…" I jumped up, running into my room and slamming the door shut when she had sprang for me. She thumped on my door as I laughed loudly on the other side.

"Oh, when I get you… Someday, _someday_, you will meet your maker, girl!" Janet screeched in annoyance. I knew she didn't really mean it. I heard her sigh loudly. "Well, I'm going to go fix you breakfast, so come downstairs soon." She'd already lost steam. She couldn't stay mad, or in this case, annoyed, at me for long.

I slowly blew out a breath as I ran a hand through my tangled hair. Listening to the footsteps fade, I made my way into my bathroom and turned on the shower.

Nothing had been the same since that night in the hospital wing. I had gotten to go back to the Tower the next night after dinner, and I hadn't been able to meet James's eyes. I'd continued doing what I had been doing for the couple of weeks before that: ignoring him and the other three. Only this time, I took Janet with me.

It took a lot of energy and effort to avoid someone. Time slipped away from me and before I knew it, it was fourth year. Janet had spent most of that summer holiday with me.

By the time fifth year rolled around, I wasn't in sync with the boys at all anymore. It hurt, too; it wasn't easy. I'd see them together sometimes, and I would automatically take a step toward them, thinking I was supposed to be with them, but then I'd remember I didn't belong there anymore.

I'd noticed James and Sirius started going out with girls, many of them. I remember thinking, _So, he's over me. Good._ But it wasn't good. I wanted my friends back. We had been five peas in a pod, and when Janet had joined our 'group', six. But now they're four peas in a separate pod, and Janet and I were two peas in our own.

One thing I'd noticed was that, despite her invitations, James never went out with Emi. Never. That was one loyalty he would keep for me. She would smother him with come-ons, but he would wave them away, as if she was some irritating gnat that just wouldn't leave him alone.

And that's exactly what she is. But that's beside the point.

James changed. He had begun to gain confidence, too much confidence, and he had gotten really full of himself. Arrogant. Conceited. Self-important. And I _hated _it.

But I let him be.

The thing that had kept him normal (to an extent, anyway) all those years had been me. I had been his anchor, his reason. But now that I had shoved myself away from him, he, in some sense, had lost control.

He had asked me out to the first Hogsmeade weekend in fifth year. I had said no. I didn't like who he'd changed into, not at all. Gone was the cute boy with the hopeless hair. In was the egotistic, cocky, insolent, pompous prick. And I didn't like it. Not one bit.

But it was my fault.

He asked me out again and again. Once I'd found this nifty silencing charm that shut him up only when he'd talk to me, but unfortunately I had to take it off when the idiot tattled.

It was a fight on the Quidditch field. He always wanted the spotlight, and I just wanted the pleasure of taking it from him. Let's just say the crowd got quite the show when we both put on our best. And not to mention the fact that Gryffindor hasn't lost a game since I joined, but then again we hadn't lost one since James had joined either.

I really started to not like him, and I could tell that really, _really_ bothered him. I don't know why. Sirius, Remus, and Janet tried not to take sides, and that put a lot of pressure on them. Peter just… did what he did best. Tagged along. Sat when we said sit. Chased his tail when we said play.

Another thing James started to do was bully people. Especially Severus Snape. He would hex people of all ages in the halls when he felt like it, or when he needed entertainment. It made him feel superior, I bet.

When I was on one of my prefect rounds with Remus, I found him in a broom closet snogging some poor girl senseless. I had been able to just see her melting. Something had tugged at my heart then, and had made me want to turn around and run away to sob without control. But instead I had grabbed him by the hair and yanked him out, making sure I did my best to stab at his pride.

Around OWL time was one of the worst days. Some friends and I had been sitting by the lake with our feet in the water after the Defense Against the Dark Arts exam. When I'd noticed a crowd gathering around someone, I had gotten up to see what was going on. Oh, how angry it had made me to see James and Sirius bullying Snape. I'd yelled for them to leave him alone.

And you know what James did? He loudly asked for all of Hogwarts to hear if I would go out with him. Then he'd sort of begged, and that had just disgusted me. I had said no. And then some. But when Snape had called me a Mudblood for the first time since first year, my mind had gone blank for a moment. And just for a second, I had been on James's side. But then James had had to, thankfully, snap me back to my senses and I yelled at him some more, and then walked away without a backward glance.

Oh, and I should mention that we don't call each other by out first names anymore. When we'd say our first names, it seemed like a symbol of affection, so I started calling him Potter, and he followed my example and called me Evans.

By sixth year it was routine. He'd ask me out, and I'd turn him down. Sometimes he would demand to know, "Why not?" I would answer, "Because I said so, you cocksure windbag."

I'd lost track of everything. Since when had I become so verbally abusive? That was vicious talk, too vicious for me. But I couldn't have gone back on it. I just couldn't've.

I hate him. Hate him.

But we'll have good days, like today. Sirius, Remus, Peter and Janet are still in the middle of everything, and are still good friends among themselves. It's just James and me that collide.

I rinsed the last bit of conditioner from my hair and stepped out of the shower. I dried my pale skin and auburn hair, and put on my favorite muggle clothes: blue jeans, tennis shoes, a big, baggy, dark green sweatshirt over my black tank top, and just to humor myself, a backwards baseball cap.

I'd never worn makeup. But I wanted to today. I felt the need for change. I had oodles of it, Abby had always wished for me to start wearing a bit of it. So, I outlined my eyes thinly in black, blended it with a cotton swab, and then darkened my red eyelashes with smooth, black mascara. I hadn't need for any blush, since Merlin knows my cheeks can turn red oh, so easily. And I figured lipstick would be useless since I'd be eating in a few minutes anyways. With I sigh, I finished by brushing my teeth, then set out for downstairs. After I had grabbed my wand, of course.

Instead of sitting down at the table, I joined Janet at the stove and helped her prepare things. "Nice," she quietly commented. I guessed it was for my new look.

"Abby and John gone again today?"

From behind me, James sighed as he sat at the table, "Yeah, I doubt they even got five hours of sleep last night."

I nodded sadly. That was another thing. Last autumn, right around Halloween, there had been an attack. No one had anticipated it, and no one knew what had happened. A week later, there was another, and just like the first one, there was a horrid… _thing_ set in the sky. It was a green skull with a snake protruding from its mouth.

Soon, it had been announced that the Wizarding World was in danger. A man they say wants to be called Lord Voldemort had been gathering followers called Death Eaters, and was out to rid the world of all muggles, muggleborns, and the like. Dumbledore had been gone from many meals, and it was rumored he had been trying to help the Ministry get this wizard under control.

But he was very powerful. Words are now going around that he could be the next Grindalwald, or even be more powerful. So, aurors like Abby and John were being sent into advanced training to update their skills. They were sent to towns that have been attacked, to either fight the remaining Death Eaters, or obliviate the memories of the muggles.

Needless to say, Abby and John haven't been around much. Cleo, the Potter's house-elf, had died just a few weeks ago, so we've been making our own meals, washing our clothes, whatever.

Ten minutes later James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Janet, and I were eating a breakfast of eggs, pancakes, sausage, muffins, juice, waffles, and toast. One thing that hadn't changed was our appetite.

"So, what's on the agenda for today?" Janet asked.

Suddenly I started and choked on the scrambled eggs that had just been going down my throat. How could I forget? After coughing a bit, I drank some juice and shakily exclaimed, "We're of age, Potter!"

James grimaced at the use of his last name, but perked up as my words hit him. Spinning around to look at the clock on the wall behind him he said, "In four hours I'll be seventeen, and in six you will be!"

"I knew today felt different!" I said as I got up and began going upstairs.

"Lily, where are you going?" I heard Janet ask from the table.

"I don't know about you, but I'm going to Diagon Alley!" I called back.

In less than a half hour, we were fed, the table cleared, and we were all ready to Floo to the Leaky Cauldron.

"And when we're done in Diagon Alley, I'm going to the Ministry so I can apparate around," I grumbled as I fell out of the pub/inn's fireplace.

As soon as we were in the Magical World, I immediately took off for Flourish and Blotts.

"Why must you always go there?" Janet whined.

I glanced over my shoulder. "You can go where you want, but that's my favorite store, and it's my birthday. Meet me at Florean Fortesque's Ice Cream in an hour!"

I realized I didn't have any money just as I was opening the door to the bookshop. Cursing under my breath, I made a quick detour to Gringott's. As one could probably guess, James and I didn't share money anymore. I mean, we held our own, even though we both still withdrew from the Potter's vault. I finished in the bank, and went back to Flourish and Blotts.

Looking through romance novels (I swear I'm obsessed with them), I got lost in my thoughts again.

I haven't had a boyfriend yet, not one. Oh, believe me, there had been many offers, but I just couldn't trust any of them. And, I know, you normally don't trust someone on your first date, it has to build, but… I don't know. I can't explain it. I… I just _can't_. It's… It's men in general, really. The only ones I've ever been able to trust were John, the Marauders, and my male teachers. But I get iffy on them sometimes.

And no matter what I did, Jordan Hawke wouldn't leave me alone. He must ask me out just as frequently as James does, but I dislike him just as much, if not more. He's arrogant _AND _annoying.

I guess books that have happy-ending relationships are my way of getting the romance a soon-to-be-seventeen-year-old would need.

"Hey, birthday girl."

Under my breath, I say, "Speak of the devil." Louder, I turn to Jordan and smile forcefully, "Hi, Jordan. And yes, it is my birthday."

He hadn't changed much. Just gotten bigger, really. Bigger ego, bigger size, bigger head. He's still dumb as a box of rocks, but I don't ever expect that to change. He's still got the golden hair, the golden eyes with the rim of hazel, and that damn supposed-to-be-charming smile.

"Seventeen, right?" he asked smugly, like he was proud that he remembered her age. Predictably, he leaned a shoulder on the bookshelf. One arm was suspiciously tucked behind his back.

"Right on the button." She was trying not to look very disgusted with his presence. "What you are doing here?"

Slowly, he said, "Actually…" He brought out the hidden arm to reveal a single red rose as he took a step closer. "I saw you go into Gringott's and remembered it was your birthday." He held it out to me, and, oddly touched, I accepted it, closing my eyes and smelling it. Unconsciously, a big smile came onto my lips.

Opening my eyes to looked up at him, I said, "Thank you, it's beautiful. You remembering my birthday means a lot to me." The guy was being so sweet; it was only fair that I was sweet back.

I recognized the glint in his eyes too late to stop it. He deftly stepped closer and put an arm around my waist to draw me to him. Then, with determination shining in his eyes, he slowly dipped his head and brushed his lips over mine.

It was the first kiss I have received since James's attempt in the hospital wing. Vulnerable from inexperience, my mind went blank and I closed my eyes to the sensation. If I had had my wits about me, I would have pulled back and left immediately. But there was something about it… Something I couldn't explain.

I sighed, giving him my breath, which he breathed into his own lungs. The rose still clutched in one hand, my arms wrapped around his neck. He nipped at my bottom lip, requesting entrance. I opened my mouth under his and let him taste me. Thank Merlin I had brushed my teeth that morning.

In my personal opinion, it was a good thing Jordan was holding on to me, otherwise I would have been a puddle right there on the floor. The kiss gradually came to an end, leaving me breathless and my mind fuzzy.

He gazed at me for a moment, then whispered, his breath warm on my face, "Happy Birthday."

Still sluggish and lost in his eyes, I muttered, "Uh-huh." Then I gave my head a quick shake to return to my senses. "I mean, thank you."

And finally, _finally, _I fell under the enchantment of his slow, charming smile. "Anytime." He paused, as if debating whether or not to say what he wanted to. Then he took a deep breath. "Does… does this mean you'll let me take you on a date?" His eyes scanned mine to gauge my reaction.

I thought hard about it. Up till this moment I had always thought he was an irritating jerk. But there was something in that kiss… Kindness? Caring? Patience? I don't know, but I liked it. I think it was time to at least give him a chance.

I had to grin at the slightly nervous look he was giving me. Who knew he could be so modest? I leaned in until I there was only a whisper between our lips, then said on a breath, "Yes."


	13. Alexandria Cole

**Chapter 13: **_Alexandria Cole_

Walking to Florean Fortesque's Ice Cream had Lily's nerves just about shot. How would they react? She knew they didn't like Jordan much; she hadn't either until about ten minutes ago, which was really… weird. But she thought Janet would at least pretend to put up with him for her sake.

James'll blow up, that she knew for sure. She chuckled kind of uncomfortably. Even if she doesn't end up liking Jordan as much as she thought she does, it will be worth watching James wallow in his own jealousy. It's all right—Mister-High-And-Mighty needed some competition. He needs to learn that he doesn't always get what he wants.

Sirius might have the same reaction, only in a milder version. Remus will be politely surprised, and Peter will be confused if anything at all.

Janet, ever-faithful Janet, will sigh and be disappointed, but she'll stick by Lily. She won't desert her just because she's going out with Jordan. At least, she hoped not.

Sucking in a deep breath, she pushed open the door and spotted them grouped around a table, an empty chair waiting for her between Sirius and Janet. Since none of them had spotted her yet, she rolled her neck and shoulders, trying to ease the tension that had them stiff. With one last shoulder roll, she put on a casual smile and strolled over to them with what she hoped was an ease of nonchalance.

Janet turned and grinned up at her as she plopped down in her chair. "Hey, find anything good and kinky?"

"Are we talking about books or lingerie?" A brow lifted, Lily folded her arms on the tabletop. "You know, you make reading romance novels sound like a sin. For your information, I don't read them for the steamy, reliable sex the characters always have, I read them for the fantastic damsel-in-distress and knight-in-shining-armor romance." She patted Janet's arm. "But that's okay, you wouldn't understand. It would all be too mushy for you."

There was one blissful moment that Lily got to watch Janet be speechless. Then she slowly grinned and gave a sort of half laugh. "Well, I've been put in my place. Your tongue's gotten sharp lately, Lily. You don't need us to stick up for you."

"No, she doesn't need anyone at all," James muttered across the table, barely audible. Though Remus, who was sitting on his left, heard and gave him a slightly questioning look. James just shook his head and slouched deeper in his chair. He should be thanking his lucky stars that he even got to associate with Lily on a regular basis anymore.

How stupid he'd been that night in the hospital wing. Impulsiveness was always a means for failure, and fail he had, big time. He'd lost his love, his best friend, and his sister all in one go. It's got to be a record.

And he was still brooding, still kicking himself. On the inside, at least. Outwardly, he put up the best defenses he could muster so that no one ever saw the misery and heartbreak within.

"May I take your orders?" the waitress asked as she came to their table.

"Right, I'll have a Nuclear Newt Nutmeg," said Sirius. Slapping Peter on the back good-naturedly, he added, "And my friend here'll have a Mucky Muddy Mango." He leaned toward her persuasively. "You wouldn't mind telling me when your shift's over, would you? Maybe you'd like to dine with good company this evening."

The waitress just smiled patiently at him and turned to Lily and Janet. "And you'll have?"

Grinning at the girls guts,Lily ordered, "I'll have a Gunky Gangrene Gobbler for myself, and Janet here will want her usual: Salamander Saliva Supreme."

As she nodded and scribbled on her pad, James put in, "One Funky Fungi Filler and one Baby-Butt Banana. Oh, come on, you've got to try it," he told Remus when the latter looked at him with an annoyed expression. "It's really creamy and smooth—like a real baby's bottom! Really, you'll love it!"

"And you would know this from experience, Potter? No girls will have you, so you have to resort to feeling up babies?" Lily snarled across the table. James just glared at her, knowing he had fixed himself for that reply, and retorting would do no good.

The friends chatted lightly until the waitress returned with their ice cream. She placed Sirius's in front of him last, and just as she was muttering for them to enjoy, about to turn away, Sirius grabbed her by the waist and dragged her down onto his lap. She squawked once, then relented, mentally promising herself revenge.

"So, a beauty like you has to have a name," Sirius hinted as he dug his spoon into his light brown frozen treat with his left hand, since his right arm was still wrapped possessively around the waitress's waist. "Mind sharing it with me—or us?"

The waitress smiled extra sweetly at him and batted her eyelashes. "Olga."

Sirius lifted a surprised eyebrow. Funny, he thought, she doesn't look anything like an Olga. He scrutinized her openly, without shame. He took in the subtle curves under the uniform, the petite form much like Lily's. Bouncy white-blonde curls cascaded down her back; big, round blue eyes were sad and haunted by shadows. Her skin was milky and smooth, with some freckles dotting her nose, contrasting beautifully. She was thin—too thin, Sirius noted. And there were dark rings as big as Hogwarts under her eyes.

She looked innocent, delicate. But Sirius ruled out helpless when he caught the gleam of a survivor, a fighter, in her eyes.

Besides, the name Olga was Bulgarian, if that was anything to go by, and by the crisp, pronounced way Olga spoke, with just a slight British accent, she sounded wholly English, born and raised.

She'd nagged his interest more than he was comfortable with, but he wanted her nonetheless. Just who was this Olga?

"Sirius, let the poor girl go. She's too nice to have to put up with your annoying flirtations," Lily said after she'd swallowed. Like Sirius, she'd taken in the tough, troubled eyes and the tired, fragile essence of Olga. She had secrets, Lily mused.

"Annoying? Am I annoying?" Sirius turned to Olga.

"Definitely not," she replied sarcastically. "And I have to get back to work. Would you please let me go?"

No, Sirius thought instantly. And, shocked by the sudden need, released his hold. Olga stood and said, "If you need assistance, let me know. Enjoy your ice cream."

Olga, Lexy mused as she walked into the back room. That was unattractive and made her sound like a fat, grouchy woman that was ready to chase away children from her doorstep with a frying pan. But yet Lexy felt tugs of guilt for lying and just plain sorrow around her heart and in her stomach. Oh, how she longed to have friends like that. To have any constant at all. But no, not for Alexandria Cole. Not anymore.

With a sigh, she pushed the loneliness away. She should be used to it by now, and in any case, she wouldn't be lonely for long. Leaning her back against the wall in the dim light, Lexy pressed a hand to her still-flat stomach. Deep within her womb, a mistake grew. A mistake that she loved unconditionally already.


	14. Letting the Cat out of the Bag

**Chapter 14:** _Letting the Cat out of the Bag_

Sirius stared after Olga until she'd gone into the back room.

"Sirius, just leave her alone. She looked as if she had enough on her plate already without adding you to it," Lily admonished as she rubbed her temples, feeling a brain freeze coming on. Sirius's eyebrows frowned, and he turned back to his ice cream silently.

Lily's shoulders were getting heavier and heavier every minute. She had to tell them. No more procrastinating. She pushed aside her ice cream and linked her fingers on the table top, staring at them intensely. "All right. There's something you lot need to know."

"Damn it!" Janet exclaimed, slamming down her spoon. Everyone around the table jumped and Lily looked up alarmed, heat of guilt rising to her cheeks. Oh no, she thought, Janet knows and she's angry with me.

Janet rounded on a practically whimpering Lily. "Don't," she warned, pointing a finger at the redhead accusingly. "Don't tell me."

"T-tell you what?" Lily asked, cursing inwardly when she heard her voice shake.

"You're pregnant with Severus Snape's love child."

It took one long, heart stopping moment to let Janet's words sink into Lily's mind. Then, with relief nearly making her faint, she decided to hold out the joke. Keeping a straight face, she hung her head and said mournfully, "I'm so sorry. It was a mistake. We… we just started going at it. Animals, we were wild animals. I literally tore his pants, and he ripped my shirt." Lily covered her face with her hands. "Please, you have to understand. We didn't mean to, it just happened." She looked up at Janet with widened eyes. "But he was _so good._"

Janet and the Marauders gaped at her for what must have been twenty seconds while Lily fought to hold in her laughter. When they all finally burst, every table within the shop turned to look at them peculiarly. Peter fell out of his chair and rolled on the floor holding his stomach; Remus tried to hold it all in but it just came out in snorts; Sirius was doubled over in his chair with tears running down his face; James was red in the face from the strain; and Janet was laughing so hard she wasn't making any noise at all, save when she gasped for air.

When they were merely chuckling, they apologized to the surrounding tables and righted themselves in their chairs. The group was just going back to finish their ice cream when Olga came over. Her hands were trembling, her face was white as snow, and her voice was thick with restrained emotion.

"Is everything here all right?" she asked.

Sirius was immediately standing next to her, an arm around her shoulders, carefully drawing the order pad and out of her hands. Olga bit down on her lower lip, hard, and became fascinated with her shoes. "Hey…" Sirius began. "Hey, what's wrong?"

Olga shook her head fiercely and stepped out of his embrace, grabbing her pad. "Fine. I'm fine."

She turned to march away, but suddenly whirled around again. Her big blue eyes flashed.

"You think it's funny?" she demanded, her voice rising with every word. She eyed the two girls and four boys shrewdly. "You think it's funny when a teenage girl has one night of indulgence and is thereafter forced to take care of something she's not ready to take care of?" Olga planted her hands on her hips as more costumers turned to look at her now. "Well, let's see how you lot handle being parents at sixteen."

She stomped to the service counter and threw off her apron. "I'll take my break now, Mr. Fortesque," she told the furious man behind the counter.

"Break? There's no need for you to take a break, young lady, because you're fired!"

Olga stared at him in surprise for a few moments, and that surprise slowly turned into fear. She couldn't lose her job, not now, not when she so desperately needed money. Quickly walking around the counter to come up next to Mr. Fortesque, Olga said in an undertone desperately, "No, please, Mr. Fortesque, don't fire me. I need this job. Please. I'm sorry; it won't happen again, I promise."

"No, you're right, it won't happen again, because you no longer work here." He opened the till and counted out twelve galleons, five sickles, and three knuts. "Here's what you've earned up to today."

Olga heard the finality in the statement, so she drooped like a dying flower and dragged herself out of the ice cream shop. And was immediately bombarded with the six people she _really_ didn't want to see at the moment.

"We're so sorry," Janet told her imploringly. "We didn't mean to get you fired."

Olga shook her head wearily. She didn't have the energy to bicker over blame. "It's fine. There's always work to be done somewhere." She started to brush past the group, but James grabbed her arm.

"Let us invite you to lunch. It's the least we can do."

Olga looked at him as she considered. It _was_ sort of their fault that she'd blown up with dignity and pride, and she hadn't had a good, hot meal in weeks. And they did owe her. Somehow.

On a sigh, she said, "Fine. When and where?"

James smiled at her. "Actually, we were just going now. We'll take you with us."

"No, you don't have to. You could just tell me—"

"Nonsense," Sirius cut in. "You can come now. Unless, there's someone you have to check in with first?"

Olga met his eyes levelly. "No. No, there's no one I have to check in with." She headed out with the group.

* * *

She stood stock-still and gazed at the house. This was where the all-mighty Potters lived? It looked so…normal.

It was a regular Muggle neighborhood with regular Muggle neighbors. Kids raced up and down the sidewalk on bikes, little girls jump-roped or drew with chalk, adults and parents alike walked their leashed pets. The air was filled with laughter, with barks, with car engines that vroomed as they drove by.

It was exactly the kind of friendly neighborhood Lexy had always envisioned. It was perfect.

"Something wrong?" Lily asked as she came to stand beside Olga.

"No, I just… That man, with the messy hair, was James Potter, right?"

Lily snorted. "No, that's not a man, that's a boy. But yes, that's James Potter. Why?"

Olga tilted her head to one side and considered the ordinary house. "Nothing much, I just thought the Potters would live a little more—extravagantly."

"Nah. Abby and John are modest. They don't like to have more than what they really need. A big mansion—which they could afford if they wanted—would have too much empty space, even with James and me and our friends constantly occupying it. No, this is the perfect house for them. It subtly shows their high class, yet appears to be very everyday-like."

Olga raised an eyebrow. "You seem to know what you're talking about."

"Well," Lily began as she started for the front door, "I should know, having practically lived here since I was born."

Olga caught up with her as she crossed the threshold. "You're a Potter?" she asked, utter confusion on her face.

"Well, she's lived with us for the past four years," James cut in as he came up to them, "and was here every day or every other day before that. So, yes, I would consider her a Potter."

Lily only glared at him. She couldn't say that she was a proud Evans, because she wasn't exactly proud of her family. It seemed so much more natural to be called a Potter, and she liked it that way. So, neither agreeing nor denying, she swept past him to the kitchen.

"She's crazy about me, I swear," James muttered regretfully. He gestured for Olga to walk ahead of him, but when she just stood, nervously staring around the foyer, he gently yet firmly close his fingers around her arm and lead her.

Pots and pans were clinking and clanging as Lily and Janet got to work on lunch. Sirius, Remus, and Peter were sitting at the table arguing about whether a new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor would be brought in. James joined them, saying, "O' course there'll be a new one. There is every year."

"Why?" The question was out before Lexy could restrain it. She had no idea why, but for some reason she found it easy to relax around this group of teenagers. But if she let her guard down, she had to be careful to not let them know anything.

Sirius explained, "A rumor is passed down from year to year that the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts professor is cursed. Every year one comes in, every year one leaves. They could die, retire, disappear, whatever, but they're gone." His dark eyebrows furrowed as he studied her. "You've heard of Hogwarts?"

"Yes."

"Why don't you attend? Or have I just never noticed you?"

Lexy had a flash of panic, but soon composed herself and quickly thought of a legitimate answer. "I attended a different school, and I've already graduated, anyway."

He narrowed her eyes at her. By now the other five friends were listening. "Funny, you don't look a day over sixteen," Sirius muttered.

"A blessing," Lexy replied with a fake sweet smile. In fact, she had just turned sixteen five weeks ago.

"Right," Sirius murmured distractedly, still eyeing Lexy.

Lexy knew how many of her own rules she was breaking by staying here for a meal. Sirius, with his disbelieving glances, is a bit more thoughtful that she'd anticipated him to be.

Suddenly she jolted. Alarmed, she asked anyone and everyone, "What time is it?"

James glanced at his watch. "12:13. Why?"

"Damnit!" Lexy whirled around and started to run through the kitchen door—and smacked into someone.

Chuckling, Dumbledore bent to help her to her feet again. "I had a feeling you would be here."

"Sir, I—I'm sorry, I—" sputtered Lexy.

Dumbledore held up a hand. "No need to excuse yourself, Alexandria. It's quite all right. We can have our meeting here, in the parlor."

Lexy's spine snapped straight and she paled. He just told them my name, was all she could think. He just told them who I was.

Sirius slowly stood from his chair, staring at Lexy as Lily, James, Janet, Remus, and Peter did. "Alexandria?" he pronounced steadily.

Dumbledore observed the scene silently for a moment, then in comprehension said, "I assure you, Alexandria, that these people"—he swept a hand around the kitchen, gesturing at the gathered teenagers—"are the best people to tell a secret to. I've known them all since they started school at Hogwarts, and a couple even before that, and I would have to say had I been forced to choose, they would be the students I trust most." A twinkle in his eyes, he smiled. "Not that you ever heard me say it."

Lexy looked at the ground, embarrassed. It was her problem, and she didn't want to get them mixed into it. No one need carry the burden when it was hers, and hers alone.

Lily recognized the conflict on Lexy's face, and walked to her side. Dumbledore backed away, wanting the situation to unfold as he hoped it would. Lexy had been a loner for much too long, and she needed someone to just be there for her. Lily, James, Janet, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were the best people he could think of to become Lexy's friends.

Lily laid a hand on Lexy's shoulder. "Is it a big secret?"

Lexy hesitated, weighed the pros and cons of sharing her burden, and then jerkily nodded, her face still aimed at the floor.

"Want to tell me about it?" Lily ventured. When Lexy didn't reply, she said, "All right, I'll swap you—big secret for big secret."

Lexy's interest was caught. She peered up at Lily, and moved to sit at the table when the redhead gestured.

"Here, sir, please," James said when he remembered Dumbledore still stood there. Dumbledore complied, sitting in a chair.

"You first or me first?" Lily asked Lexy.

"You," Lexy answered immediately.

"Fine. A or B." Lily thrust out her fists. A was the secret of her rape; B was the secret of seeing Jordan. For some reason, she hoped Lexy picked A instead of B. She didn't feel ready to tell her friends about Jordan yet.

On impulse, Lexy blurted, "A." Lily caught herself before she sighed in relief.

"When I was twelve, I was raped. By my own father." She took her time, breathed deeply when she need to. She was staring at nothingness, just over Lexy's shoulder. "I was in my room, on Christmas Eve, just finishing my holiday homework. He came in, threw me on my own bed, and…raped me."

Lexy gasped and unconsciously reached out to take Lily's hand and squeezed. "How horrible…" she trailed off in a whisper.

"I suffered no permanent physical damage, but it will always be my worst memory." She came out of her daze. Shaking her head slightly as if to rid it of the demons that so haunted her, she told Lexy, "Okay, it's your turn. I've said mine."

Lexy suddenly let go of Lily's hand as if it had burned her. Her eyes darted around the kitchen as if she was taking in any and all routes of escape.

"I have a baby," she blurted. Every face in the room went completely blank with surprise, except Dumbledore, who smiled knowingly. "A baby, inside me."

She paused and looked down at her hands. They were clutched in her lap so tightly that her knuckles were turning white. Deliberately she unlaced them, and took a deep, cleansing breath.

"I'm not from the wealthiest of families. In fact, when I was a child, I remember going for several days without food. My mum cried every night, and my papa would hold her. They loved each other, and they loved me, but our luck was just on vacation. Or so they told me.

"Somehow, we managed to pay rent for our shack of a house. I never went to school. My mum taught me out of books we found in all of the most unlikely places. When I was thirteen, they told me what I was. A witch, I mean. I'm sixteen now, have been for just over a month.

"One day, last winter, I was out walking. Just to walk. A snowstorm had just blown through, and everything was icy and wet. I slipped and hit my head pretty hard.

"I heard footsteps coming closer, and I tried to get up. They were hasty, and I heard them stop next to me. Moments later, gentle hands were helping me up, an equally soft voice was saying in sharp Italian, 'Are you all right? Are you hurt?'

Alexandria was immersed in her own memories by now. No one interrupted her, no one spoke at all. Questions and requests for details were viciously bit down on.

"It was a man, with hair the color of a deep mahogany, and eyes the color of rich, aged champagne. His breath came in pants, and his cheeks were enflamed from the cold and exertion of hurrying to me. He offered me a hand up.

"He was so charming and so, so handsome. We spoke for a few minutes, and despite my dirty, worn clothes, greasy hair, and smudged face, he invited me to dinner the next evening. He was filthy rich, and his family was staying in England for several days. When I told him I would never be able to look decent or appropriate enough for such an occasion, he said that he'd come and get me in the afternoon before the dinner so I could get what he called 'polished up.'

"It was like a snake shedding its skin. His dressers scrubbed away the grime, polished the surface, added curves that had yet to develop naturally, and shazzam! I looked like a princess.

"The first time he saw me as my new self, I could just see his eyes melt. Throughout dinner he held my hand as much as possible, as if he was always in need of feeling me, of making sure I was real and there beside him. He constantly had this stupid, crooked grin on his face, too. He was just adorable.

"But his parents hated me right from the off. They didn't want a filthy little beggar from poverty stealing their son's heart. They didn't pretend to like me unless Simone was around.

"I was spending more and more time with him. And when my mum died of pneumonia, and my papa of frostbite, all in the same week, I only felt guilt and grief. Guilt because I hadn't been there, hadn't taken care of them. My mum had gotten sick a while before, and my papa had only gotten frostbite because he'd tried to keep her warm through her fevers by giving her his coats. Grief because I'd loved them both, so much, and hadn't been there to tell them that, or at least say good-bye."

Lexy felt her throat tighten with leftover misery, but she plowed on.

"I had no where to go, so Simone suggested I stay with him. Since I had no more options, reasonable options, I accepted right away. I knew his parents were dreadfully reluctant, but because it was what Simone wanted, they gave in with a sigh.

"I moved with them when they went back to their home in Italy. Simone and I started to… er… _show_ our love for each other not long after. Then his birthday came, and he turned five years my senior. The party was brilliant, and that night he and I were both a little… over enthused. We were careless. That's all it took."

She gingerly laid a hand over the slight mound of her stomach. "It was a mistake, but not one that I regret in the least. It was one of those mistakes that turn out for the better. I call it 'it' because I don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet. I love it so much already; I won't care which it is. I just want to hold it in my arms, hear its heart beating. And know that it's what came of our love."

Lexy started when Janet gave an almighty sniffle. "That's so beautiful. So beautiful and sad."

"Lexy," Dumbledore prompted.

"One night—oh, it must have been six weeks ago now—Simone and I were out walking in his gardens. It all happened so quickly. Out of the bushes came a werewolf, big, hairy, and mean."

At this Remus blanched, but she didn't notice.

"Simone shoved me behind a tree. He tried to slow the thing down, but it was too strong. They fought and fought. There was so much blood, so much blood. Simone shouted for me to run, to get help, to go somewhere safe. So I ran into the house and found some servants.

"They'd managed to subdue it enough to get it bound. Simone was rushed to the hospital. By morning the werewolf had transformed back into a man. He was put away for life. As for Simone…"

Lexy squeezed her eyes shut. "Simone had managed, miraculously, not to get bitten. But there were so many gashes from the werewolf's claws that he'd bled to death even before the mediwizards had begun to treat him."

She paused to gain her composure, and laid a hand on her stomach. "Mr. and Mrs. Silvestri were furious that I'd come out alive and yet their son hadn't. They hated and resented me even more. So I ran away to here, back here to England. They didn't know about the baby, and I plan to keep it that way. Surely they'd want to take it from me if they did."


	15. Settling In

**Chapter 15: **_Settling In_

Alexandria Cole had been living in the flat over the ice cream parlor. Mr. Fortesque had been sympathetic enough to the orphan he'd just fired to let her stay there. But without her job, Lexy wouldn't have been able to pay rent for long. Besides, even if she still weren't very cozy with the Marauders and the girls, they'd still offered readily to let her take up a room upstairs until they all went to school. She couldn't exactly decline the offer of a free room, free meals, and free time to herself, could she?

They seemed like good people, she mused as she unpacked the one bag full of the few possessions she had. She was sure she'd grow to like them.

But that Sirius Black was another story. After she'd told them about her past, she'd gone into the other room and broken down. At first she'd been frightened when she'd become aware that someone had followed her, but after the initial shock, she'd realized that she would have leaned on anyone at that moment.

And when she'd discovered it was Sirius, she'd had one split second of hesitation. She'd never been held by any man other than Simone, excluding her father. Hell, she wasn't sure if she'd ever had a real conversation with one.

So when he'd held her until her tears had dried, emotions other than grief for the life she'd left behind had come into her. They'd both scared her and excited her, and that was a very confusing combination. When he'd finally pulled back, she'd looked at the floor as she'd quietly thanked him and asked him if he'd please go get Dumbledore. He hadn't asked questions, just got up, rubbed a hand over her hair one last time, and left the room.

She didn't know what to make of it. And since she still didn't, she pushed it out of her mind.

She'd pulled all of her few outfits and clothes out of the bag and had dropped them into a heap on the floor. They'd all have to be washed, she decided. Most were dirty, wrinkled, or both.

Digging back into her bag, she pulled out a small sack containing all the money she had, Muggle and Wizard. There wasn't much. She stared at the shiny gold Galleons as she jiggled them in the pouch. Then a thought struck her and made her face pale.

Would she have enough money to buy everything she needed to attend Hogwarts? Out of everything she and Dumbledore had discussed, they'd managed to skip over that.

Oh, well. She sighed. She'd just have to see if she could peek in on him later.

The next and last thing she pulled out of her bag was a small picture album. There were only a few pages, and fewer pictures, but they warmed her the instant she saw them. There was one of her parents together, smiling and healthy, and the rest were of her and Simone.

Lexy lifted her head and looked around the room. She spotted an empty frame on the bedside table. Grabbing it, she pulled out one of her favorite pictures and slipped it in. That why she'd be able to see him every night before she went to bed.

Balling up her bag, she tossed it in the rubbish bin in the corner of the room. Deciding she should take care of her laundry as soon as possible so she would have something to wear, she gathered the pile into her arms and maneuvered her way into the hall.

She suddenly stopped and could have laughed at herself. Where was she going? She didn't know what where the laundry room was. She didn't know where much of anything was in this house.

Just as she was turning to go back into her room, a door nearby opened.

"Oh!" exclaimed Lily, stopping just before she would have collided with Lexy.

"Sorry," mumbled the blonde before attempting to enter her room again. She suddenly felt like running into a dark hole and staying there.

"It's fine." Lily eyed the pile of clothes. "Do you want me to show you to the laundry?"

Lexy hesitated—why, she didn't know—then said, "Yeah, that would great."

On the way Lily asked, "Settling in all right? The room might have been a little…unprepared, but we hadn't expected you." She chuckled to herself. "No, we certainly hadn't."

"No, no, it's fine. Better than I've had in a while. Really."

"Good." The two walked into the laundry room. "Just drop it on the floor. We can get a load started right now."

Together they sorted out the colors, and threw the whites into the washing machine.

Lexy couldn't help asking, "If the Potters are pureblooded wizards, why on Earth do they have so much Muggle stuff?"

"Because," Lily began as she dumped in detergent, "they're not prejudiced, and are rather used to living with Muggle appliances. Before I moved in, they practically lived Muggle-style. You know, so none of the neighbors would suspect anything. Then, after I moved in—I'm Muggleborn, just so you know—we live completely like Muggles. Actually, James and I just turned seventeen today—that's why we were in Diagon Alley—so now we can do magic ourselves if we need to."

When she didn't get a response, she glanced at Lexy and saw she was bothered by something and looking uncomfortable. Concerned, Lily put a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, was it something I said?"

"I didn't mean to ruin your birthday. I'm sorry," Lexy told her shamefully.

Lily waved it aside with a bright smile. "Don't worry about it. It wasn't all that exciting anyway." She turned the dial on the washing machine, pulled up, and started the cycle. Turning to look at Lexy thoughtfully through narrow eyes, Lily slowly asked, "Are you good at keeping secrets?"

"Yes, ma'am, I am," Lexy answered instantly with confidence.

"Ma'am?" Lily laughed loudly. "Good Lord, you make me sound like an old woman you just helped cross the street." When Lexy's cheeks took flame and she looked away, Lily took a step closer and held the girl's delicate hands in her own. Softening her voice, she said, "Call me Lily. And call all of your other new friends by their names, too. Now, I need a good secret-keeper. Can I trust you?"

Lexy nodded, mesmerized by the uniquely bright shade of emerald green in Lily's eyes.

"Good. Let's go up to my room."

* * *

"Then he kissed me. Everything changed. He went from nuh-uh to uh-uh." 

Having finished her story, Lily took a bite of one of the chocolate frogs the two of them had nicked from the kitchen on their way upstairs.

Lexy studied her frog, brows furrowed, mouth frowning. "You should tell them."

"I know." Lily scowled at the leg that remained before stuffing it in her mouth and licking her fingers. "But I don't want to."

Quietly, Lexy asked, "Why?"

"Because—" The redhead leapt from her seat on her bed to prowl the room, brood out the window at the dark street below with her arms crossed over her chest. "I don't know. A lot of things. Because I'm afraid—no, I _know_ they'll disapprove, even get angry. Janet—God, Janet will think some space alien has inhabited my body. Peter'll be confused, as always. Sirius'll give me the silent treatment. Remus will just give me his 'good luck with that' smile. And James…"

Her scowl turned up slightly into a melancholy smile. "I used to care what he thought. But I don't anymore. I don't," she repeated to herself in a whisper, as if she wasn't even convinced.

"Don't you?" Lexy asked her. "What happened between you and James? From what I've been able to gather, you two used to be close."

"Yeah." Lily still gazed out the window, her face softening as she remembered. "We used to be real close. We were practically twins. Our parents had been best friends; our mothers had had us only a few hours apart. He's older." She chuckled faintly. "Funny how it's never seemed that way."

She poured it all out. Year by year since she could remember, Lily told her new friend and confident all of the good memories, and all of the bad. Not once did she turn and look at Lexy, and she didn't realize when tears filled her eyes and poured over. Outside, a light rain began to fall.

"That night he came to visit me in the hospital wing. He told me I'd been wrong the entire time. He'd been so hurt that I hadn't trusted him. I, myself, had been a little shocked that even though I'd thought I had learned to trust men after what my dad did to me, I still didn't. I apologized."

Lily sniffled absently. "He kissed me. I was so shocked I didn't do anything at first. When I realized who he was and what he was doing, I pushed him away. I told him to leave.

"But he didn't leave," Lily whispered to herself after a moment of silence. "I did."

Lexy had listened patiently, but now, when Lily covered her mouth with her hand as she broke down into sobs on the floor, she didn't know what to do. So, pray it was the right thing, she slowly stood from the bed and knelt beside Lily on the floor. Putting her arms around the redhead, she rocked back and forth, murmuring consolation.

When Lily's tears had dried, she stared off into space, drained. "I never noticed till now how much I missed him."

"You need to go talk to him."

"No." Lily quickly shook her head as she pulled out of Lexy's embrace and stood. "No. I can't. He's not the same, I'm not the same."

"Aren't you? Aren't you, really?" asked Lexy as she, too, stood. "I don't know how your brain works, but mine told me that he still likes you. Still really likes you."

"It's not the same," Lily insisted. "I'm with Jordan now."

"Which, by the way, you still need to tell the others."

"No, I can't, I just can't." Lily quickly walked over to Lexy and embraced her. "Thank you, so much. But I can't."

Lexy nodded silently and turned to leave. When she got back to her room, she squawked, "Oy! What do you think you're doing?"

Sirius turned to face her from where he had been standing next to her bed, looking at her picture of Simone. "Just looking."

"Well," Lexy began as she marched over to snatch the frame out of his hand, "next time _ask_ before you decide to 'just look.'"

Sirius held up his hands as if surrendering, and took a few steps back. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry."

Lexy pushed some blonde curls out of her face. "What do you want?"

"Other than to kiss you?"

Even as her heart beat started to thump wildly, Lexy glared at him.

"Okay, okay, don't set the house aflame. I was just wondering if you were settling in all right."

"Lily just asked, but I'll tell you the same thing I told her, 'No, no, it's fine. Better than I've had in a while. Really.'"

Sirius nodded and gazed around the room a bit before asking, rather spontaneously, "Do you have everything you need for the night? PJs, toothbrush…"

Lexy opened her mouth to snap an affirmative, but then she realized that she didn't. Reluctantly and not a little awkwardly, she replied, "Well, no…"

"All right, you can use mine."

He leapt forward to grab her hand and had drug her halfway out of the room before she could find her voice and sputter a protest. "What? No, that's okay, I'll ask Lily—Really, you don't have to—"

He ignored her and pulled her into his room. Letting go of her hand, he went over to one of his drawers and pulled out a T-shirt. "Here, you can wear this." Throwing it at her, he then proceeded into his bathroom. When she didn't follow, he poked his head around the door and asked, "Well, do you want to brush your teeth, or do you want to sleep with all that bacteria gathering in your mouth?"

Lexy, running her tongue around her teeth, decided that as long as he was offering somewhat politely and with her best interests at heart, she couldn't pass up good hygiene.

He gave her his spare toothbrush, and as they brushed their teeth together, they flick glances at each other in the mirror. Whenever their eyes locked, Lexy would blush and Sirius would smile before looking away quickly.

When Lexy had finished rinsing and was about to turn and leave, toothbrush and T-shirt in hand, Sirius shoved a bottle each of shampoo and conditioner and a bar of soap, still in its box, into her arms. "You can keep these."

"Ah…well, thank you." She gave him a small smile.

"Don't mention it," he requested, shoving his hands into his pockets.

Giving him one last smile, she turned and started for the door. Just as she reached it, he gave her pause.

"Yes?"

"If there's anything else you need, let me know."

"Okay." She left with pink-tinged cheeks.

The next morning, Lexy was surprised to wake up a few minutes past ten. She couldn't remember sleeping so long, or so comfortably.

She sat up on a yawn, stretching her arms above her head, and noticed all of her clothes sitting on the floor next to her dresser in neatly folded piles.

She showered and dressed, and brushed her teeth again to rid her mouth of morning breath. Hair still dripping and blonde curls bouncing all over the place, she went downstairs for breakfast. Or brunch.

She could hear the voices carry all the way upstairs. A warm feeling came over her, and she smiled. She was safe; she had friends. She belonged.

Upon entering the kitchen, she bared witness to chaos. The teenagers were running around, barking at each other to get this, or get that. Various foods were cooking or frying on the stove, some things were even handling themselves, probably the work of enchantment.

Lexy just stood frozen in the doorway, watching it all in fascination. Finally James was able to break away, or maybe he was escaping, but he came over and smiled at her nonetheless.

"Sleep well?" he asked.

"Very, thank you. Er…what exactly is going on here?"

"Brunch. And World War Three."

"I thought you lot would have eaten a while ago."

"Well, we figured you'd sleep nice and long into the morning, so we waited to make brunch."

"Good thinking."

"It was Lily's idea, as usual." He glanced at her stomach. "Feeling okay?"

Lexy tore her gaze away from the havoc to look at James questioningly. Not a moment later she gave him an understanding smile. "Yes, but we're hungry."

Soon everyone was gathered around the table. Lexy sat between Lily and Sirius, shoving unbelievable amounts of pancake into her mouth. When James glanced up at her from his own plate, he said, "You weren't kidding."

Lexy just smiled.


	16. Moving On

**Author's Note:** _Okay, I know it's been a while. A very long while. I'm sorry. I've worked bits and pieces on this next chapter; it took so long because I just couldn't think of what exactly should happen in it, and half the time I couldn't get motivated. I hope you'll all be at least somewhat satisfied with the results. Please excuse the grammar, it may be a bit rough._

_And so I don't seem heartless and ungrateful, because I'm really quite the contrary, thank you so much to those of you who had enough faith in me to keep sending me emails and kicking my butt into gear. I hope I'm not a complete disappointment._

:..:._Danny_.:..:.

**Chapter 16: **_Moving On_

Lily stepped out of her room one morning a week before they were due to return to school. She stopped, her brows furrowing. Sirius stood just outside his door across the hall, hand still on the knob, head cocked.

"What is it?" she asked, curious. She knew that because of his Animagus skills, Sirius could hear things not many other people could.

"Lexy," he muttered, concentrating.

Lily perked her ears as well. Was something wrong with Alexandria? She waited, but couldn't hear anything.

Apparently Sirius did, however, for his eyes suddenly grew wide with concern and he quickly stepped in the direction of Lexy's room. Without hesitating or knocking, he opened the door and went inside, leaving Lily in the hall.

Lily had begun to pick up the signs of infatuation on Sirius's end. Having faith in him to help Lexy with her problem, she turned and prepared for the chaos that was making breakfast.

Sirius had woken with an eerie tingle snaking down his spine. It had been mere moments before he'd figured out why. He'd heard mewling sounds coming from the hall. The sounds were miserable and scared.

He'd sat up in bed and listened for a minute before he'd figured out it was Lexy sobbing in her room. Though walls stood between his room and hers, he could hear her frightened cries easily.

Now when he entered her room he strode straight to the connecting loo. Inside, he saw Lexy struggling to remain upright on her trembling knees as she dry-heaved into the toilet.

He paused for only a second, wondering if he should leave her with her pride, or go to her because she needed someone, anyone, to help her. It was a weak debate. Quickly he knelt at her side, one arm supporting her around the middle and the other keeping her hair back.

She sobbed in between fits, for she couldn't help what was happening to her, nor could she help the pain it brought. When she was finally finished, she slid limply into his arms, half conscious.

"Lexy? It's Sirius. Look at me, darling," he commanded softly. Dilated eyes rolled in his direction from under half-closed lids.

He panicked for an instant before logic kicked in. She was terribly dehydrated. Too much going out, not enough coming in.

"You need fluids, love." He was half surprised that he could pick her up effortlessly. "You need someone to look after you."

He nearly laughed out loud. Even though she was tremendously weak and could barely lift her own head, she still managed to glare at him. She'd always been independent, she'd had to be, but now she had friends that were learning to care for her. She would have to get used to it damn quick, in Sirius's opinion.

He laid her on her rumpled bed and gave her a playfully stern lecture about not moving an inch before he hurried downstairs.

Thankfully he caught Abby and John just as they were stepping into the fireplace to go to the Ministry. "Abby, wait!" he called.

She glanced over her shoulder at him. "Yes, Sirius?"

He'd reached her and pulled her aside. "I need to ask your advice." Ignoring the surprised brow she lifted that could have reached the sky, he continued, "What did you do when you were pregnant with James and would get dehydrated from the morning sickness?"

Abby was puzzled for a moment before she realized from where his inquiry stemmed. The memories were fond to her, so she needn't have fought hard to remember. "Water's best, of course. Although, for some reason, I chewed ice chips more than I drank glasses of water. The crunching always had some magical calming effect on me. However, sometimes I'd only had enough strength to sip through a straw." She leaned her head a little closer. "Is everything all right with Alexandria?"

"I think she's dehydrated. I'll fill her with fluids and hope that does the trick."

Abby nodded and watched him hurry to the kitchen to get water. She'd always known he possessed normal human qualities, some of which would develop over time. But she'd never suspected he would fall in love so early, or fall at all at that.

She felt John put a hand on the small of her back in question. Shaking her head, wondering how time had flown, she flooed to work.

* * *

He worked on her all day, and by mid afternoon Lexy was able to walk up and down the stairs without fainting. They'd discovered she preferred ice chips as well; Lexy said crunching on them helps ease frustration. 

"Has this been going on long?" Sirius asked while he taught her to play Exploding Snap.

Lexy didn't answer for a moment, nor did she meet his gaze. "I've had morning sickness for the past week."

He paused and looked up at her incredulously. "And it's that bad every time?"

"No. No, it wasn't ever that bad before."

Shaking his head, Sirius resumed his game. He was beginning to understand why adults stressed the fact that adolescents simply weren't mature enough to start having children.

Trying to lighten the mood, he asked, "What do want it to be?"

She'd already thought about the answer to that question so many times she didn't hesitate to reply. "I don't care. Either will be wonderful. If it's a boy, I hope he looks like Simone. If it's a girl, then she'll be easier to relate with."

Sirius nodded in approval. "You haven't given yourself room for disappointment. Wise."

"I don't see how anyone could be disappointed in bringing a child, _their_ child, into the world. It's just a waste of energy. The disappointment, I mean."

There was a knock at the door. Lexy granted he or she entrance, and Lily walked in. "Dumbledore's here to see you, Lexy."

"Oh, yes, that's right. I'm supposed to talk to him about school supplies." She carefully unfolded herself from her bed and made her way down the stairs, Sirius and Lily in her wake.

They discussed her coinage, which was none. All the money she had was the little she'd saved from her job serving ice cream. But together, she and Professor Dumbledore found a way for her to obtain the necessary school supplies that she would need in the near future. The next day the packages arrived along with a school trunk and a letter informing Lexy that a tailor would be coming to fit her for school robes.

True to form, the tailor arrived a few hours later and provided her with several outfits for school. Lexy awkwardly explained her circumstances without giving away too many personal details. The tailor didn't ask questions or get nosy, but put a spell on the clothing that would let it expand as Lexy did. Lexy thanked her and the woman went on her way.

The night before the seven teenagers were to board the train destined for Hogwarts, Lexy was restless. She really hadn't expected not to be. She cleaned her room spotless, not wanting to leave it untidy. When everything was in its place, she prowled the room, biting her already rugged nails and chewing on her lower lip, causing it to swell.

When Janet entered, her knock having received no response, she instantly smirked, taking in the nervous wreck. Her chuckle startled Lexy into awareness.

"There's nervousness, and then there's madness," she said, watching heat rise to grace the blonde's cheeks. Walking to her newfound friend, she placed her hands on Lexy's shoulders. "Anxious much?"

Lexy let out a long sigh and crossed to her window. Looking through it, but not seeing, she said, "What was I thinking? I can't just jump into my second to last year of school and expect to blend in."

"Of course not," Janet agreed with a smile. "There'll be speculation, there'll be gossip and rumors. You bet your galleons on it, especially when you really start to show. All of the nicknames they'll call you behind your back will probably have to do with 'pitiful, knocked-up whore.' "

Lexy whipped around with large eyes.

"Not that I think that, mind you," Janet continued, moving to stretch out on the bed. "None of _us_ think that, because we know better. But not everyone else will." Raising her arm so it was skew with her horizontal position, she lifted her palm at the ceiling. "You know what you have to do, Lex? Charm them. That's what we all did." She brought her arm back to fold beneath her head.

"You lot charmed them? But I thought everyone liked James from the get-go," Lexy said, sitting on the bed next to Janet. The other girl grinned up at her.

"That's what he likes to think," Janet told her with a snort. "Actually, we were all a bunch of misfits, and still are. It was around a fortnight before people began to think of James as Hercules's equivalent. Before that, he was seen as a gangly, four-eyed freak." She burst out in wicked laughter at the memory. "I'll have to show you pictures sometime, I'm sure Lily has some."

Lexy didn't need to see a picture, she could envision it. A giggle escaped.

When James poked his head in a couple minutes later, the girls were just calming from their giggle fit. But when they saw him, they began all over again.

* * *

Though Janet had managed to calm her nerves for the time she slept, Lexy awoke the next morning with her anxiety renewed. As she stared up at the ceiling, she debated whether or not it would be smart to pretend she'd slept late. She shook her head; that would only make her seem harried. She was just going to have to face the fact and get her skinny white butt out of bed. 

Having been consumed in her worries about going to school, Lexy forgot about her routine morning sickness until she'd stepped into the bathroom. She barely made it to the toilet.

Any minute she expected to feel Sirius rubbing her back. She heard the door to her bedroom open and close, heard footsteps coming toward her bathroom, but it wasn't Sirius's hand she felt lightly stroke her back. She was about to try to turn and see who it was, but another fit had her ducking back toward the bowl.

Minutes later she was panting for breath, one hand clutching her roiling stomach, the other half-covering her face.

"Here." She recognized Remus's voice. A glass of water was pushed under her nose. "Rinse."

Lexy obeyed and also accepted the warm washcloth he handed her next. Now she was breathing normal and her stomach had settled. She grinned up at him. "Thanks."

Though he'd become quite close to her over the past several weeks, as they all had, he was still a little shy about touching her. He knew the lasting awkwardness came from the knowledge that one of his kind had killed her baby's father.

He smiled softly back. "You're welcome. Sirius, strangely, isn't up yet. He seemed to have programmed a mental alarm clock for you, but apparently today it didn't go off. I was on my way down to the kitchen and I heard you, well…I heard you were having some trouble."

She nodded. She felt enough tension lingering that she didn't reach out for an embrace, as she might have done if it had been one of the others. She didn't understand what exactly held him back yet, but she respected it. "Thanks again. Well, I should probably get ready. Who else is up?"

Remus nodded and responded before he turned to leave, "I'm not sure, since I haven't been downstairs, but I assume Lily is and probably James, too. The tension in the kitchen will be thicker than ours."

Lexy smiled at his back. He may still have some reservations towards her, but at least he was comfortable enough with her to not hide his common sense. He knew she could feel it, and that was his way of saying he was sorry.

* * *

Indeed, as Remus had predicted, the tension in the kitchen could be sliced neatly in two with a knife. 

Lily stood at the stove as if a steel rod was planted in her spine. She stared hard at the sausage and bacon frying in the skillet, a spatula raised in her right hand. She'd given some serious thought to hurling it against the wall. She knew James was seated at the table, not moving a muscle, staring holes into her back. She knew he'd been sitting there like that since she heard him enter the kitchen.

Silent minutes ticked by with the only noise being the sizzle and occasional pop of the meat as it cooked. When it was done to her satisfaction, Lily stiffly transferred it to a plate and placed it on the table. She never looked up, but she felt James's eyes steadily follow her trip to the table and back to the stove.

Finally the tension couldn't stiffen her anymore, and she slouched, expelling a sigh that stood for years of weariness. "Say what you have to say, Potter, and be done with it."

She felt his hands grasp her shoulders and turn her around roughly. Her face was composed when she lifted it to his.

He'd sat at the table glaring at her back, working himself into a rage over the heart he knew she possessed, but was too scared to bare in front of him.

He stared at her long and hard, trying to see past the wall he failed to scale time after time to reach the girl beyond, the girl he had known and loved so much, and hoped to know again. But he couldn't see a glimmer of emotion in those fathomless green eyes, not a glint of the feelings she so carefully shut off whenever he was near.

"Why do you do that?" he asked, his anger abruptly draining out of him to be replaced by a weariness so like her own. "Why do you shut down on me?"

"You're not worth my feelings," she replied automatically, her voice cold with an edge she watched slice into him.

"I was once," he reminded her. "Why is it so hard for you to trust me now as you did before?"

"Because you betrayed that trust." She carefully stepped away from the hands that were still resting on her shoulders. "I won't be so foolish as to let you do it again."

"It was one kiss, Lily," James said exasperatedly. He saw her eyes narrow at the use of her first name. "Just one kiss. I took a step I'd wanted to take for a long time. If you hadn't wanted our relationship to turn in that direction, all you had to do was say so."

Because he was beginning to make her feel foolish, she hardened her tone. "It's not that simple. After what my father did to me—"

"If you're about to compare what I did that night in the infirmary to what he did to you, you can stop right there," James cut her off sharply. He wrapped his hands around her upper arms, holding her still and giving her a little shake. "There is absolutely nothing similar between them."

"Oh, isn't there?" she shot back, stepping close to push her face nearer to his. "The situations may have both been very different, but the bottom line of each was and remains the same. I trusted my father, ridiculous as it was, to never step over that invisible line that he _knew_ was there. He could hit me and throw me within an inch of my life, as long as he never crossed that line. But he did.

"Then I put trust in you to never cross practically the same line. You could touch me and tickle me and pinch me much as you wanted, but as friends, perhaps even as siblings, not a thing more. But that night you crossed that line of trust and for the second time in my life I felt betrayed by someone who'd known the unspoken rules, and had gone against them anyway."

He saw her point. It hurt him deeply to admit it, but her reasoning made sense.

It only made him more determined to win her back.

"So that's why you're scared of me?" he asked slyly, satisfied that he'd hit the mark when he saw her eyes flash.

"I am not scared of you, Potter, so you can stop that loony fantasy before it goes any further."

He shook his head, careful to keep the smile that wanted to crawl onto his face at bay. "You're scared of me," he repeated. "Scared that you might actually _want_ to be more than friends."

"That's absolutely ridiculous," she snapped.

"I don't think so. Ever since that night, you've run from me, if not physically, then in every other sense. Your reasoning about the crossed line makes perfect sense, but it's also an excuse." He smoothly drew her a bit closer so that their shirts brushed and she could feel his warm breath on her face. "You've got to stop running, Lily," he whispered. "I'm not going anywhere."

Her eyes were fierce, narrowed and shooting flames at him. She recognized the subtle challenge that she'd been handed. As she considered her best move, her lips pursed and her eyes roamed his face. Finally she leaned an inch closer, and for one wild and avidly hopeful moment James thought she was going to kiss him to show her defiance. But instead she spoke in a calm, precise tone.

"You're right." She firmly stepped out of his reach, a move that was more symbolic than either could have realized at that moment in time. "Like I told Lexy, you never left. I did." She glanced down once, only once, needing to find her next words. She looked back up and met his eyes. "No, James, you're not going anywhere. But I'm moving on. In fact, I've already moved on."

* * *

James sat alone in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express and starred out at the land rushing by. Trees, hills, rivers—everything blurred as it passed. 

Funny, he thought, that resembled the years of my life. Hurrying by so fast I can hardly keep up and make sense of them. So much has happened in so little time.

The meeting with the house prefects had been quick and stiff. Lily had explained mostly everything, and he'd put in his two Knuts every then and again. The prefects had listened intently, to his surprise, and had asked their questions before going back to their friends. Lily had done the same, only reminding him to help guide the younger students to various things throughout the evening.

So, alone, he'd plopped down on the seat and thought.

And personally, he thought he needed a healthy shot of firewhiskey.

He and Lily had both completely forgotten about being dubbed Head Boy and Girl until they'd reached King's Cross—behind schedule, too, thanks to Sirius. So they'd scrambled through the barrier to help the first years find compartments.

He wondered how they were going to get through the year like this, having to work side by side when one didn't want anything to do with the other. Bringing his hands up to scrub his face, James thought, It's going to be a long one.

"Well, hello."

He kept his hands covering his face so the owner of the sultry voice at the door wouldn't see his grimace. He knew whom that voice belonged to. And he really wasn't in the mood to deal with her.

Taking a deep mental breath, he lowered his hands and curved his lips into a smirk. "Hello, Emi. What are you up to?"

She touched her tongue to her ripe top lip as she pushed off the doorframe. She swaggered in, hips swinging. "Who, me? I'm just traveling door to door." She sat down so close to him she was practically in his lap. "What are you doing in here—" she flicked a gesture around the compartment "—all by your lonesome? Where are your friends?"

He shrugged, trying his best at nonchalance when his stomach was tying itself into knots of lust against his will. How was he _not_ supposed to notice how nicely she'd filled out? He slouched a bit more into the seat. "They're in another compartment. I was going to join them in a moment."

"Isn't my company good enough?" Before he could answer and dig himself into a hole, she continued, laying a hand lightly on his thigh. "Do tell me about your summer, James."

He had to get out of there. Now, now, _now_! "It was nothing special. I really should get back to my friends, Emi." He bolted from his seat. He'd just laid his hand on the door when—

"James, wait!"

Automatically he turned back. He shouldn't have.

Her lips fastened on his, and all the blood in his head drained into his lap. Thoughts escaped his mind, and on a moan, he pushed her against the wall. Lily said she'd moved on, James thought as his hands streaked under Emi's shirt to find warm, smooth flesh. So why the hell couldn't he?

Emi smirked as she grabbed fistfuls of his robes. That had been almost too easy.


	17. Things Beyond Reach

**Author's Notes:** _I bet you lot didn't expect an update this early! Actually, I surprised myself. I had a sudden urge to write and a sudden plot bunny leap out and bear its fangs. I know it's a bit short, but it's the best I could do, I quick wrote it up over the past two hours and I want to post it before I have to return to school tomorrow. Hope you like it!_

**Chapter 17: **_Things Beyond Reach_

"Let's sit here; it's as good a spot as any." That said, Sirius plopped down somewhere near the middle of the Gryffindor table, pulling Lexy down next to him by the hand he refused to release.

"What happens now?" Lexy asked her group of friends in general. She was doing her best to ignore the curious stares and murmuring she had left in her wake.

"Well," Lily responded from across the table, "we wait for the first years to come and be Sorted, then Dumbledore says some things, we eat, Dumbledore says some more things, then we go to bed. Quite boring, really."

"I never though it was boring," Sirius muttered.

"To each his own, I suppose," Lily said, scooting over a bit so Remus could sit on her left. "But after seven years of it I'm anxious to find new horizons."

"Where's James, I wonder," Janet thought aloud as she plopped down between Remus and Peter.

"Not sure." Peter looked around the Great Hall, his eyes wide as though it were the first time he was seeing it. "I saw him get off the train, but he didn't ride in our carriage to the school."

"And he never came to sit with us throughout the entire ride," Sirius added thoughtfully. Suddenly he looked up at Lily, his eyes widened dramatically. "What did you _do_?"

Startled by his outburst, the redhead jumped and pointed at herself. "Me?" she screeched indignantly. She hadn't been paying attention, thus she didn't catch his playful tone. "Why do you think _I_ had it off with him?"

"You were the last to be in contact with him!" he accused, half rising out of his seat. "What did you _do_?"

"Sirius, you'd make a _great_ insane Sherlock Holmes," Janet put in. Everyone turned to her, surprised to hear her speak up. "But I'm afraid this case is closed." She nodded toward the doors of the Great Hall. Everyone followed her directions.

"James!" Sirius called out gaily, standing from his seat and throwing out his arms. "Where have you be… Oh, dear."

For not only James stumbled into the hall, but also Emi Chang, clinging to his arm. Both were laughing heartily, and at Sirius's exclamation, James waved back.

Janet growled, her light brown eyes narrowing. "You've got to be joking."

Remus sighed disgustedly, shaking his head as though he couldn't believe his friend's stupidity. "He's done it now."

Peter stared blankly.

Lexy looked on in confusion, not sure what was going on. She decided to remain silent and observe.

Sirius sank back into his seat, bowing his head. "Stupid blighter."

Everyone turned to Lily, waiting for shock, pain, outrage. But she wasn't in her seat.

"There." Lexy pointed.

As soon as Lily had taken in the scene that had entered the Great Hall, she'd bolted from her seat. Now she was stalking over to the Ravenclaw table, her hands fisted, her face set as stone.

James sat down next to Sirius, Emi dropping down beside him. Both were trying to find their breath. "Oh, Sirius mate, if only you'd been there…" He looked up at his friend, found him staring at something across the room, and followed his gaze.

He looked just in time to see Jordan Hawke rise from his house table, gather Lily in his arms, and kiss her full on the mouth for the entire hall to see.

Beside him, Emi smirked.

* * *

Later in the seventh year girls' dormitory, Lily pointed her wand at a stack of books she'd brought along to read and guided them to rest under her bedside table. Janet was unusually quiet, working on unpacking the rest of her things. Alice Twain, the clumsy girl, was fighting her way free from under a pile of her school robes. Reeve Lipton had finished unpacking and had gone to take a shower. And Emi Change was humming as she touched up her makeup in front of a mirror.

Moments later, as the Asian girl jumped to her feet and strolled toward the door, still humming with that damned smug smile on her face, Janet muttered quietly, "Going to suck the blood from your latest victim?"

Emi whirled around. With mocking sweetness, she asked, "What was that, Janet Nickels?"

Janet continued with her task. Smirking without turned to face the other girl, she dismissed it, "Nothing… Nothing, Emi."

"That's what I thought." She slammed out of the dorm. Janet snorted in remorse.

Lily stood and stared at her wand in her hand for a long moment. She tried to ignore the urge, but she just had to see… "I'm going to go make sure no sneaky first years snuck back down to the common room."

Janet grunted a noncommittal response.

Halfway down the staircase to the common room, Lily could hear voices. She stopped to listen, waving off the guilty matter of eavesdropping.

"James, stop that!" Giggles. Loud kissing noises. Gasping for breath. "Mm… James, we should really go to bed. Mm…" More loud kissing noises.

Lily listened to the moans and wet suction sounds, contemplating walking in and sentencing them both to detentions from hell. Really, what was James Potter doing as Head Boy? But before she could make a decision, footsteps were coming toward the stairs. Lily scrambled up and hid around the corner.

"Good night, darling," she heard Emi pur. James gave a reluctant groan, more kissing noises sounded, then he said, " 'Night, Emi."

Before her roommate could stumble upon her, Lily quickly returned to her dormitory. She went straight to her bed and flopped on top of the covers, still fully clothed in her robes. Janet didn't ask questions. Seconds later she heard Emi cheerfully enter and say what a long day it had been.

* * *

That night, Lily finally changed into her dressing gown after all her roommates were fast asleep. Now, lying in her bed, she stared up unseeingly and wondered why she couldn't fall into dreamland.

Was it because she was worried about Alexandria and how she was settling in? No, that wasn't it. After a short meeting with Dumbledore, Lexy had been declared a proud Gryffindor. After what she'd been through and what she had yet to deal with, what else would she be? And to ensure her comfort, Dumbledore had also taken aside another sixth year girl Gryffindor and explained to her that Lexy was a new student, and needed to be shown the bearings. The girl, who happened to be a prefect with the good potential for headship, had eager accepted her mission.

Lily sighed. No, she wasn't worried about Lexy. She tried denial one last time, but finally admitted to herself that she was upset over James and Emi.

But why? What did she care who he dated? It wasn't like she wanted to be with him; she had Jordan. So why did it nag at her mind?

Maybe it was just left over protective feelings that still haven't gone away after being his friend for so many years. Yeah, that made sense. Lily smiled manically for a moment, before it turned upside down. No, something still ached in her chest. Absently she rubbed the heal of her hand over her heart.

Then she caught herself. And knew exactly what her problem was. Suddenly enraged, Lily shot of her bed and sprinted to the dormitory door.

She raced the path she'd traveled so many times before. She knew exactly which door to open, and, her steam having not ebbed in the least, she charged into the boys' dormitory.

"You!" she shrieked, pointing at the sleeping James. He, along with every other occupant of the room, awoke with a jolt of surprise.

"Wha…" But before his mind could comprehend anything, his pillow was tugged from beneath his head. "Hey!"

On a cry, Lily lifted the pillow above her head and brought it down with all her might. There was a sharp smack when it hit her mark. Crazed with emotion, she continued to beat him with the pillow.

"You bloody jerk!" _Smack!_ "How dare you!" _Smack!_ "You _knew_ how I felt!" _Smack!_ "You backstabbing, deceitful, betraying, inconsiderate louse!" _Smack, smack, smack, smack!_

"Lily!" Sirius grabbed hold of the pillow and tried to pull it from her hands. She growled and wouldn't give it up. "Lily, what's gotten into you?"

Finally Remus and Frank Longbottom held her back and Sirius took the pillow from her. Peter stood off to the side, letting his friends handle it. James had gotten to his feet, but had had the common sense to not put his glasses on just yet.

Now sobbing, Lily struggled out of Remus and Frank's hold, and launched herself at James. Her momentum knocked them both to the floor, where she cried and beat on his chest with her fists. Finally he was able to capture her arms and held them at her sides. He rolled, switching their positions so he was on top and could use his weight against her. He tangled his legs with hers to quit their thrashing.

Effectively pinned, Lily stopped her struggles and simply wept. The sight broke James's heart. He wanted to stroke her face and comfort her, but was wary about letting go of her arms. Softly he asked, "Lily, what's wrong?"

Her only response was a sniffle. She stopped the flow of tears, but she didn't open her eyes.

James tried again. "Talk to me, Lily. I'm not letting you up until you tell me why your acting like this."

Moments of silence passed. James gazed down at her and watched the emotions play over her face. At last she whispered, "I'm in love with you."

His mind froze and his heart stopped beating. "You…" As her words registered, a smile spread over his face. "You love me."

Hearing it said aloud had more tears welling up behind her still-closed lids. "Get off," she ordered weakly.

Immediately he obeyed, drawing her up with him to crush her in his arms. The other four occupants of the dorm quietly backed away. "Oh, Lily…" He buried his face in her hair while butterflies fluttered in his stomach. "Oh, finally—"

"Stop it!" she demanded in a voice thick with tears and emotion. She pushed herself away from him and watched him blink in surprise.

"But—"

"No! You don't understand." She shut her eyes and shook her head as if not comprehending why _he_ didn't comprehend. "It won't work the way you want it to, James. _We_ won't work."

"But—"

"No, listen to me, James!" She opened her eyes and met his as she stepped toward him. "You're with Emi, and I'm with Jordan. No!" she scolded sharply when he opened his mouth to protest. "We're both seeing the very two people we promised each other we would never see. That's too far for us to go back."

"So we'll break up with them," he told her.

"It's not that simple, James." Lily shook her head again as she started to back away towards the door. He stood there, staring at her with his eyes full of heartbreak and confusion. "It's just not that simple." She opened the door. "Forget I even said it." And she was gone.

"Ah, mate." Sirius and Remus rushed forward to steer their friend toward his bed so he could sit down. "We're sorry."

James stared down at his hands as they started to shake. "So am I."

* * *

Weeks passed and nothing improved much. Janet wasn't speaking to Lily, and she assumed it was because she was seeing Jordan, something she'd vowed long ago never to do. Sirius, Remus, and Peter were sticking close to James's side while he licked his wounds. Lexy, however, would visit her whenever their contradicting schedules allowed.

So when Lily wasn't in classes, she was usually with Jordan. They studied and did their homework together in the library; they ate meals together; and when circumstances allowed, they'd go outside and walk down to sit together by the lake.

The leaves on the trees started to turn into various shades of yellow, red, and orange. The temperatures started to slowly drop, and Hagrid, the grounds keeper at Hogwarts, could be heard muttering about "those blasted pumpkins."

Quidditch season was fast approaching. When James had received his Hogwarts letter a few months previous, he'd learned he wasn't only Head Boy, but Quidditch Captain as well. So it was his duty to round up all of the players still attending school, and find out which positions needed to be filled.

It took him a few days to wind up the courage to approach Lily. He needed to find out if she still wanted to play Seeker.

One day in the beginning of October, he overheard someone say that Jordan and Lily were in the library _again_. Thinking now was his chance, he took a deep mental breath and head off for the library.

He found them sitting at their usual table, discussing something they'd just read in the book laid out in front of them.

"Evans," he addressed as he approached.

She glanced coolly in his direction. "Potter."

James nodded at Jordan. "Hawke."

"Potter."

He cleared his throat, feeling foolish when she lifted her brows at him impatiently. "I need to ask you if you wish to play the position of Seeker on the Gryffindor team again this year."

Smilingly slyly, she looked at Jordan out of the corner of her eye. "Why, yes. I do indeed intend to keep on as Seeker."

Jordan smiled back at her. Being the Ravenclaw Seeker, it was only appropriate for him to say, "You're going down, lady."

"I doubt it," she replied briskly. Ignoring James, she turned her attention back to the open book in front of her. "Now, I really think the roots should be dried first…"

James felt the slap of her ignorance. Just before he turned to leave, he caught Jordan looking at him with a smug, triumphant smirk on his face. Having caught James's attention, he mouthed, "She's all mine."

That instant it took all of James's willpower not to leap onto son of a bitch and smash his face in. He didn't like Lily at all! He just wanted the satisfaction of possessing what James wanted most but couldn't have. Breathing deeply, his hands fisted at his sides, James forced himself to turn and walk away.


	18. The Plan

_Previously in It All Began When We Were Yay High..._

On Lily and James's seventeenth birthday, they, along with Janet, Remus, Sirius, and Peter, go to Diagon Alley for a day of fun, besides the fact that Lily avoids James like the plague. They split off, and while Lily is in Florish and Blotts, Jordan Hawke, the arrogant bastard she swore never to like, cornered her and kissed her by way of a birthday present. Dazed by the new sensations that she was eager to explore, Lily agreed to begin a relationship with him.

That same day, while in the Fortesque's Ice Cream Parlor, they met waitress Alexandria Cole. After some trying events involving the Marauders, Janet, and Lily, Lexy gets fired and invited to dinner at the Potters' all in the space of five minutes.

At the Potters', the group learns Lexy is pregnant, due around late February, early March. They also learn that the father of her baby was attacked and killed by a werewolf. That causes instant friction between Lexy and Remus.

Lexy settles in and befriends everyone, even tentatively with Remus. Dumbledore arranges for her to attend Hogwarts as a sixth year student. The morning they were all scheduled to go back to school, Lily and James have it out. She tells him she's moved on. So on the train ride, when Emi Chang, Jordan Hawke's female equivalent, put the moves on him, James says the hell with Lily.

All hell breaks lose that first night in Hogwarts. Relationships are revealed at the welcoming feast, Lily love for James is declared, and James's heart is shattered.

The last chapter ended with Lily confirming her position as Seeker on the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

**Author's Note:** Hey, I know it's been a while, and I really didn't want to keep you all waiting like last time, so I quick threw this together. I really don't like it, and it's definitely not my best, but there you go. It's come to my attention that I've been taking so long as some of you are forgetting what's going on. That's what the above summary is for. If you get a little lost reading this chapter, just look up there to refresh your memory.

Now, this chapter is nowhere near as long as I'd like it to have been, but like I said, I just threw this together. It's primarily a filler chapter, and I'm hoping--no, I know--the next one has a lot more action.

Thank you so much to Chelsea Thurman for getting my butt in gear and my juices flowing. :)

**Chapter 18:** _The Plan_

Lexy leaned back against the sterile white hospital pillows, exhausted but unable to rest. She wished they would bring him in already. How long did it really take to clean him up? She didn't care if he was bloody and gooey—it was her blood and her goo! For heaven's sake, she just wanted to hold her baby!

He'd cried right away, squalling with indignity at being forced into the world. Then there'd been a blur of healers rushing here and there. He'd been passed around like an American football. Her requests to hold him had been ignored.

So now she lay alone in her room, restless with excitement. The pain of before was forgotten, and all she wanted was to see her Kyler.

Suddenly a lone healer quietly opened the door and stepped in, the door clicking shut at her back.

Lexy immediately sat up, throwing her arms out. "Where is he? May I hold him?"

The healer bowed her head and clasped her hands in front of her. "Miss Cole, about your son."

Lexy's arms slowly fell even as her smile did. Nausea started to churn in her stomach as a sense of foreboding settled over her like a blanket. "Where's Kyler?"

"He's gone." The healer stopped by the edge of the bed. She didn't have to do this often, but it was a real bitch when she did. "We did all we could to start his heart again, but we couldn't."

There was one moment of incomprehensive silence. Lexy didn't understand. He'd been fine just a moment ago! What could have happened? "What do you mean, you couldn't save him?" Her voice rose to the brink of hysteria. "We have magic! Of course you could have saved him!"

The healer just kept her head bowed and said nothing. Lexy stared at her, waiting, before she weakly slumped back onto the pillows and wept.

* * *

Slowly Lexy opened her eyes and looked through a blur of tears. It took her a moment to recollect herself. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes again and separated dreams from reality.

_I'm not alone anymore. I'm at Hogwarts. I won't have my baby for several months yet. I don't even know if it's a boy or a girl. It was a dream, just a bad dream, nothing more. It's not true._

Needing some physical reassurance, she moved her hands under the blankets of her four-poster and rubbed her belly, which was now becoming rather prominent. Soon everyone around her will be speculating about how quickly she was gaining weight.

Shifting, Lexy peeked around the closed curtains of her bed and saw out the nearest window that the sun itself wasn't yet visible, but she could see the lightening of the sky that preceded it. She sighed, knowing she was awake earlier than she had hoped, but it was too late to go back to sleep. So, with much reluctance, she climbed out of bed to go take a shower.

When she began to tug her school uniform on, the material glowed for moment before becoming slightly looser in her hands. Lexy was torn: she was glad the spell was working and she wouldn't have to buy a new wardrobe every few weeks, but yet she wasn't very glad, for that meant she was getting bigger. And the bigger she got, the sooner she would have to face the scandal.

Like she didn't have enough whispers following her already. Being a new student alone was rare and unusual in Hogwarts, but a pregnant one? She wouldn't be surprised to learn she was the first.

When she was ready, she grabbed her book bag off the floor next to her bed and headed out the dormitory door. The other female sixth year Gryffindors were beginning to stir, and she'd passed one on her way back from the showers. Lexy didn't have anything against the girls; in fact, they'd been friendly and welcoming, but they just weren't the same as the Marauders, Janet, and Lily.

She scanned the Gryffindor Common Room for any early birds she recognized and could sit with until Lily or Sirius came down. Right away she honed in on Remus, who was sitting in an armchair near the fire, reading a book.

There was still that damned annoying awkwardness between them, but by now they'd grown used to it and ignored it.

" 'Lo, Remus." Lexy perched herself on the arm of the chair and dropped her bag next to her. "Don't mind some company, do you?"

"No, not at all." He marked the page he was on, and enlarged the chair with his wand just enough to fit both of them. As she settled down beside him, he said, "Pretty early for you. Couldn't sleep?"

"Not very well, no." She debated for a second on whether or not she should tell him about her dream. Taking a leap of faith, she hoped it would maybe strengthen their bond, her trusting him with something so personal as her dreams. "I had a nightmare."

He raised his eyebrows. Tentatively, he stepped on shaky ground. "Oh? What made it a nightmare?"

She glanced up at him, found his eyes already on her. "In it I…I lost my baby."

Instantly he tensed. He stayed tensed the whole while she told him about it. Sometime during her admission, he laid his hand over hers. It was that one little act of comfort that her going beyond her dream. She was suddenly babbling about all her fears: the possible of losing the baby with her being so young, premature labor, the risk to her own health, her babies health if and when it's born. There could be disabilities, sicknesses, physical or mental problems.

By the time she finished, the sun had fully emerged from the horizon, and more people were beginning to wander their way towards the portrait hole. Lexy had had to lower her voice so as not to be overheard. Remus had both her hands tucked in his own.

Listening to her, he'd sure gotten quite a bit of reality slapped into his face.

He didn't know what to say. She was tucked under his arm, lost in her thoughts. He didn't want to tell her everything would be all right, because he didn't know what could happen. He couldn't say that he knew, because he hadn't known half of what she'd told him. He couldn't be sympathetic or give her pity; she wouldn't want either.

So, tightening his arms around her, he simply sighed and pressed a helpless kiss to her temple.

Lexy smiled. The kiss meant more to her than any of the useless words he could have said.

"Now, aren't we cozy?"

Both Remus and Lexy bolted out of the chair and turned to face Sirius Black. But instead of jealous green eyes and a spitting temper, they saw a bemused grin.

Lexy pursed her lips and cocked a hip. "Yes, actually, I was rather comfortable."

Sirius chuckled. He knew better than to think Remus and Lexy had something going. He'd seen the way Remus had paled when the werewolf had heard his voice. Grabbing Lexy's hand, he winked at his friend. "Thanks for keeping her in order until I got here, Remus. She can be a real pistol. Now let's go down, I'm hungry."

Lexy rolled her eyes as he tugged her along behind him. Very relieved, Remus followed.

* * *

"Hey, Lily?"

Dinner was over, and many Gryffindors were gathered in the common room to work or to talk.

The redhead looked up from her books to see Lexy standing before her with books of her own clutched in her arms. "Yes?"

"I was wondering if you could help me with some Charms quick." The girl glanced at her friend's homework. "It'll only take a moment."

"Sure." Sincerely eager for the distraction, Lily shoved her books and parchment aside and waited for Lexy to settle next to her at the table. "What's giving you grief?" she asked.

"Well, I don't think I'm moving my wrist right…"

Half an hour later, Lexy was finally executing the correct wand movement. Delighted, she laughed and practiced the spell a few times to instill the form in her mind.

"Thanks, Lily." She smiled at her friend.

"You're most welcome." Lily watched Lexy perform several more times. "Anything else?"

Lexy hesitated. She had needed help with the charm, but there'd been an underlying reason for getting Lily alone.

"Actually… Yes. Yes, there is. I have a question for you."

Lily grinned in welcome. "Ask away."

Taking her time, Lexy meticulously stacking her books by shape, delicately placing her quill on top, then shoved them aside. She took a deep breath, and in a sudden rage that had been held back and was finally coming to the forefront, demanding in a loud whisper, "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing? Do you know what you're throwing away? Do you know the pain you're inflicting on everyone around you? What the bloody _hell_ do you think you're doing?"

"Excuse me?" Lily managed to say, for she was surprised by such vehemence from Lexy, of all people. Gone was the shy little girl who'd once waitressed at an ice cream parlor.

"With _James_. What are you doing with _James_."

"Erm…nothing?"

"Exactly!" Lexy's eyes bugged out. She threw her hands up into the air, exasperated. "Why are you ignoring him?"

Lily rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "You're _just_ noticing my attitude towards him?"

"No, but now you're not even fighting with him. Now it's as if he doesn't exist to you."

"He doesn't."

"Rubbish." Lexy shook her head in disbelief. Lifting a finger, she jabbed it in Lily's direction. "That's absolute rubbish, and you know it. You told me yourself that the two of you were inseparable when you were children. You loved each other so much. Do you really think love as strong as what you described could simply be willed away? Think again. Love can change form or grow stronger, but it can never dissolve."

Lily turned her head away and started to rise. Lexy quickly reached out and grasped her hand to hold her in place.

"I've seen the way he looks at you. The longing, the sadness, the utter heartbreak I see in his eyes disturbs me. How can you possibly turn away from something like that?"

Lexy let go of Lily's hand. Lily didn't move, and though she was standing, she felt as if Lexy was the one looking down on her.

Looking at her friend pityingly for the first time, Lexy finished, "You obviously don't know what you've got. If you did, you wouldn't be tossing it away. You can't possibly know how lucky you are."

With that the blonde gathered her books and crossed the common room to climb the steps leading to the girls' dormitory, leaving Lily to slowly reseat herself and marvel at how deft she was at losing friends.

Just then, Janet Nickels stepped through the portrait hole, licking what seemed like icing off of her fingertips. She started across the room in the direction Lexy had left, but when her eyes landed on Lily, hunched over at a nearby table, she paused.

It still hurt. Lily hadn't trusted Janet, her best friend, with the fact that she was seeing the exact boy she'd vowed never to get involved with. And because she was, James was, too.

Initially Janet had given Lily and James the silent treatment. Wouldn't look at them, talk to them, speak to them, or acknowledge their presence whatsoever. She'd been furious and stung. Her motto had briefly been "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned".

But as the weeks had gone by, she'd cooled off enough to start thinking, and to start healing. Lily had been with Jordan Hawke for over a month and a half and hadn't said anything, and when her friends had found out, the timing couldn't have been poorer. And to make matters worse, James had just spent the entire train ride to school making out with Emi Chang.

The two people she'd become closest with had betrayed Janet. Now, however, after she'd stewed and simmered and plotted, she realized that they hadn't been thinking of how her or their other friends would react, but how each other would. Janet was sure Lily only went out with Jordan to poke at James, and now James was going out with Emi to fight fire with fire.

So Janet had devised a plan. Studying Lily now, she mentally grinned evilly. Time to start the ball rolling.

Filled with purposes and secrets, she sashayed over to Lily's table. Placing a hand on the surface to prop herself up, she drawled, "Bad day?"


	19. Unbound and Discovered

**Chapter 19:**_ Unbound and Discovered_

Lily eyed the glass of Firewhisky before her. "I don't think…"

"Lily." Janet waited until the redhead locked eyes with her. "You're due."

"Due? But I can't think of any reason why I should intoxicate—"

"Well, now, if you say it like that, then it definitely sounds like trouble." Janet paused, thinking she needed a flask for herself. Instantly one popped out of nowhere as if it had been there the entire time. "Lily, all we're doing is relaxing. These will help us," she said simply, indicating their drinks.

They were in the Room of Requirements. The only people who knew about the room were the Marauders, who had initially stumbled upon it, and Janet and Lily. Lexy had yet to be informed of it.

Before, in the Gryffindor Common Room, Lily had been so bummed out and lonely that when Janet had suggested they get away for a little while, she'd avidly jumped from her seat, desperate to rebuild any bridge.

Now they were in familiar and comfortable surroundings, and Lily was trying to convince herself she wouldn't give in to peer pressure.

Janet made it sound so…innocent, she thought, once again studying the alcohol. Maybe just one sip…

Janet could see the mental war being waged in her friend's goody-goody mind. Knowing it would do the trick, she smoothly lifted her full flask and took a hearty gulp. Her throat burned raw from the heat, and tears pricked her eyes. Lily watched her with wide, fascinated eyes. When she thought she could speak, Janet hummed pleasurably, "Mmm," and took another gulp, which went down a bit easier.

"Come on," she prodded. "If I can, you can."

Giving a little nod as if to boost her confidence, Lily closed her eyes and breathed deep before taking a brave sip. As soon as the alcohol slid down her throat, she was coughing and hacking and gasping. Janet moved to smack her back a few times.

"See, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

Lily shook her head, still wheezing.

Janet smiled, completely amused. "It gets easier. Do it again."

It could not be said that Lily was one to control her liquor. Just a few sips into the flask and she was already smiling more and getting dreamy-eyed. Janet herself hadn't drank that much, just mere sips after she'd loosened Lily up, so she wasn't really all that loopy. She hadn't been sure how much she'd have to put into Lily, but she decided one full flask was more than enough.

An hour later, Lily had an arm thrown across Janet's shoulders for support as the two girls gradually made their way back to Gryffindor Tower. Janet couldn't stop grinning; she'd gotten Lily just where she wanted her.

Thoroughly and utterly schnockered.

The Fat Lady sniffed and scolded about being out so late causing mischief. There were only a few Gryffindors left in the common room, and they paid no more attention to the girls than a quick acknowledging glance.

Janet steered her friend into their dorm. Trying to keep Lily, who kept launching into her favorite poem, quiet, Janet helped her change into her dressing gown and finish getting ready for bed. If Lily passed out somewhere, the least Janet could do was see that it wasn't in her school robes.

Then they maneuvered their way to the boys' dormitories. Lily giggled about going into masculine territory and kept asking if they were going to jump one of the boys. Janet just lifted a brow at her and gave her a noncommittal response.

"We're going to a boy's room," the redhead tittered. "Are they cute boys? Will there be nudity?"

Janet's lips twitched at the corners. "If we're lucky."

"Are we going to play Spin the Bottle?"

"I was thinking more Strip Poker."

Lily clapped her hand over her mouth, bursting into snorts and giggles.

They reached the door to the Marauders' room and Janet pushed it open as quietly as she could, just in case anyone was in bed, though she doubted it. She wasn't surprised to find the four boys, Frank Longbottom, and Lexy all sitting on the floor, chatting and drinking butterbeers. Well, actually, Lexy was sipping pumpkin juice for her delicate condition.

Addressing Lexy, Janet said, "Oh good, you're already here."

Suddenly Lily's face drained of color and she stopped giggling, seeming to have become frightened. Janet followed her gaze, and found herself staring at James, who was making a point of avoiding eye contact with anyone.

That just aided in solidifying Janet's purpose. She announced, "Lily wants to play a game."

Lily jerked her horrified gaze to Janet before she shook her head violently. "No, no, no. Your idea. The game was your idea."

At hearing her friend's slurred speech, Lexy pushed to her feet to glare at Janet. "What did you do?"

Janet shrugged. "She needed to relax."

"So you got her completely drunk? On what, dare I ask?"

"Firewhisky."

"Janet!" Lexy gasped. "If this is Lily's first time drinking such a strong—"

Janet waved off her words. "She's fine. She only had one flask."

"You gave her an entire flask?" Surprising everyone, it was James who raised his voice incredulously, his attention now focused solely on Lily. He bounded to his feet. "An entire flask in one sitting can make someone critically ill, more so if they're drinking seriously for the first time."

The first pricks of guilt and unease came to Janet. Defensive, she said, "She didn't gulp it down. She drank it slowly."

"Still, that high a level of consumption is very dangerous; that much stark alcohol in the blood stream is not good." He licked his lips. "We have to get as much of it out of her as we can."

"You mean make her throw up?" Peter asked stupidly from his seat on the floor.

"We can't wait for her to piss it out; by then the lot of it will be absorbed into the blood stream. If we make her vomit now, at least we can get out what has yet to digest."

Lily, having heard the entire exchange and understanding it in some fuzzy, drunken way, was getting very nervous. The serious and slightly worried faces on the other occupants of the room did nothing to help. So when James started toward her, she bolted for the door. However, James was quicker, and had drawn his wand to immobilize her.

He picked up her stiff form, seeing but making himself ignore the tears that slipped from her eyes and the way his heart broke at the sight of them as he carried her to the bathroom. The others followed, not sure what to do. He made sure he had a good grip on all of Lily's limbs before he nodded to Janet to grant her movement again. Lily sobbed, scared and uncomfortable, and kicked and bucked. James forced her to bend over the toilet, then nodded to Janet again. Janet, swamped with guilt and near tears herself, cast the spell to make Lily vomit.

When she finished, Lily went absolutely limp. Lexy handed James a warm washcloth, which he used to wipe Lily's mouth and face as she gazed up at him through eyes blurred by both tears and drink. Then, since she was too weak in mind and body to protest, he picked her up, carried her to his bed, and cradled her there.

"Shhh," he soothed when she moaned. "I've got you. I've got you."

* * *

To put off opening her eyes, Lily took a deep breath and smashed her face in her pillow. She was nauseated, she was blinded, and she had one hell of a headache.

More like one hell of a hangover.

How could she have been so _stupid_? She repeated the question in her mind over and over again. She knew, she _knew_ better than to drink, especially in large quantities. So then why had she?

Because Janet had told her to.

Damn it, she cursed mentally. She couldn't believe she'd been feeling so low as to be pushed into something she knew better than to do, and by Janet of all people.

"You can't postpone the inevitable much longer."

Lily tensed, her face still buried in her pillow. Now she _really_ wanted to disappear. She tried to breath through the fabric, and abruptly noticed that it smelled different. Confused, she unconsciously lifted her head to peer down at the pillow. She didn't recognize it as hers, but she did know to whom it belonged.

"You're going to hurt the poor pillow's feelings, scowling at it like that. You already used it as a weapon of mass destruction."

Lily found herself battling back a smile. She couldn't, however, stop her snort. With no little amount of force, she turned to lie on her side, and lifted her face to meet James's hazel eyes. He was kneeling on the floor next to his bed, which he'd obviously loaned her for the night.

"Greetings, my fellow Hogwartsian," he said in a nasal voice. He was grinning.

Lily started to shake her head good-naturedly, then stopped and lifted a hand to her temple with a groan. Instantly James became solemn.

"Here." He handed her a flask that had steamed coiling from it. "This'll help the wooziness. Everyone else is at breakfast," he added when he saw her eyes searching the dormitory.

When Lily had choked it down, he took it from her and set it on the floor again, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. "How much do you remember?"

Lily sighed. "Most of it, in a dreamy, distorted sort of way."

There was quiet for a moment. Then, his eyes focused on his hands in his lap, his voice faint, James said, "I'm sorry, but it was best."

Lily studied him as he nervously twiddled his thumbs. "I know."

"You would have woken up in the infirmary this morning if I hadn't, and you're academic reputation would have been marred."

"I know."

"You would have gotten really sick."

"I know."

Something inside Lily, something that had been wound tightly so that it would remain closed, loosen. Her eyes softened, the muscles in her face relaxed, and her tension dissolved.

"I really didn't have much of a choice, Lily. Like I said, it was best, what I did."

"I know, James." Lily lightly laid a hand on his shoulder to get his attention. A small smile touched her lips when his eyes lifted to meet hers. "And even though it was best and you had no choice, you're still sorry, because what you did hurt me."

James winced, though she knew he'd tried not to. "You know I wouldn't hurt you if it wasn't necessary."

Lily nodded a little. "Yes, I know that."

No more than a moment passed before she gasped hugely, covering her mouth, her eyes going wide. James's look was heavy and full of meaning. Knowing he had to grab the opportunity, he quickly grasped her arms to keep her from bolting out of the bed.

"You know I wouldn't hurt you if it wasn't necessary, Lily," he repeated, his voice firm now, stressing every word. "You _know_ it, you just said you did. Then you _have_ to know that that night in the hospital wing, that kiss, wasn't meant to hurt you." She turned her face away; he leaned to maintain eye contact. "As I've said before, I'd wanted to kiss you for some time. I'd merely sucked up the courage to take a step onto swampy ground. I didn't mean to hurt you." He gave her a gentle shake. "I have never, would never, intentionally hurt you."

After a moment, he released her. "You know it."

Trembling with emotions and revelations, Lily nodded. "Yes. I do."

James had a brief moment to enjoy triumph. But Lily wanted to pursue the subject. It wasn't a closed case yet.

"Then why are you with Emi?" she shot back, filled with fire now. She rose from the bed to stand before him. "You know how I feel about her, and she me."

James rose as well, so the sense of superiority was even. "And you know how I feel about Jordan, and he me."

"That has nothing to do with you and Emi."

"It has everything to do with it!" James exploded. His arms shot out as if to encompass the entire room. "Jordan and Emi are of the same mold, Lily. We decided that right from the off, as soon as we started school here, remember? We knew right away that Jordan and Emi could set their sights on something, and do anything and everything in their power to achieve it. Nothing would stand in their way. They're patient because they're arrogant; they know that eventually they'll get what they're after. Guess what?"

Lily knew the answer, but her pride wouldn't let her say it.

So James did. "They got it anyway. Six, nearly seven years ago we—you, me, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and after a while, Janet—all vowed never _ever_ to get involved with either Jordan or Emi. But yet here you stand today, the latest woman to be wooed into clinging to Jordan's arm. Exactly what he wanted."

Feeling belittled, and knowing he was right, Lily took up defense, however pitiful it was. "I wasn't _wooed_, and I don't cling!"

James tugged at his hair, near wit's end. "It doesn't matter! My point is that Jordan got what he wanted, and because he did, Emi did."

Lily tried not to look baffled. "What do you mean?"

Taking a deep breath in efforts to calm him, James explained, "I only started seeing Emi because you'd told me you'd moved on. I was hurt, and I wanted to jab at you. I didn't know you'd moved on with Jordan, but when I found out—by way of you kissing him in front of the entire Great Hall—it only supported my revenge."

Lily stared at him.

"Funny," she murmured. "I only went out with Jordan in the first place because _I_ wanted to jab at _you_."

Now James stared. They both stared.

Finally Lily shook her head, amazed. "This is so ridiculous. _We_ are so ridiculous."

"You wanted to jab at me?" James asked her quietly.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't let your ego swell too much."

He held up his hands, palms out. "Just curious. Why'd you want to jab at me? I thought you hated me?"

Lily puffed out her cheeks before flapping her arms. "Well, this seems to be the time of confessions. I don't know," she answered, shrugging and glancing away. "I guess I never really hated you, but I'd wanted to enough that I'd convinced myself I did. So when I started to miss you, miss the friendship, the connection, I became angry with myself. I decided, in defense of my own feelings, I would hurt yours.

"But after I agreed to start seeing Jordan, I got scared. Of everyone's reactions, really. So I didn't tell anyone."

James blew out a breath and plopped down on his bed. Silently Lily sat next to him, her arms folded over her chest.

"So it comes down to this," James said. "You started to like me as I like you, but you didn't want to, so you went out with the exact person you knew would hurt me most. And when you did—hurt me—I wanted to hurt you _back_ for hurting me, so _I_ went out with the exact person _I_ knew would hurt _you_ most."

"Yep."

"And underneath all that, the only thing that matters is that I like you, and you like me. _That_ way."

"Yep."

James tapped his finger on his thigh. "No wonder our first night here you told me it wasn't as simple as I thought it was."

"It wasn't that simple _then_." Lily angled a look at James. "_Then_, when we didn't know the whole of it. Bu-ut," she drew out the word, "_now_ is a completely different story."

It took him a moment, but James caught her message; read it in her eyes. He smiled, and his broken heart began to mend. "A different story, indeed."

She mirrored his smile. "So why don't we give this sad, twisted story of ours a happy ending?"

His smile widened. "What did you have in mind?"

"Something like this…"

Lily leaned in, and James met her halfway. Their smiling lips met, their stars aligned, their destinies sealed, and their terrible fates set.


	20. The Advantage of More Hogsmeade Trips

**Chapter 20: **_The Advantage of Having More Hogsmeade Trips_

"So you see, dear Lily, James, it would be a benefit to all the student body and the faculty if there were Hogsmeade trips once per month. Not only would it please the students, but it would help them relax so they could perform better in their classes, therefore granting the professors ease."

Having finished his spiel, Sirius ripped off a bite of dinner roll. "Well," he said expectantly to Remus, who was seated beside him, looking thoughtful. "Will that do it?"

There was a pause, then Remus shook his head. "That was…overwhelming, Padfoot."

They, along with Janet, Peter, and Lexy, were in the Great Hall, eating lunch. Sirius was practicing the speech he would recite to Lily and James, Head Boy and Girl, about the necessity of having at least one Hogsmeade visit every month.

"Overwhelming?" Sirius echoed incredulously. "How the bloody hell was it overwhelming? I thought it was brilliant."

"Yeah," Peter piped from across the table. "What's wrong with it?" He'd been avidly listening to the entire speech, and though he hadn't understood some of the phrases, he knew it was perfect.

"Sirius." Remus turned to face his plate so that Sirius was left looking at his profile. He sipped his pumpkin juice. "Do you even know what 'therefore granting the professors ease' means?"

"Of course I do." He looked offended. "It means Minnie McGee will loosen that bun in her hair and smile—just a little."

Remus turned his head and gazed at his friend with pride. "That's right."

Sirius brightened. "So it's good?"

"No." Remus resumed eating; beside him Sirius deflated. "It's weak, mate. They won't ever agree to it. You'll be lucky if they listen past the first sentence." He grinned suddenly. "And to hear you speaking so formally is just ridiculous. You make the entire thing sound completely corny."

"Corny. Oh, well, that's just _fine_," Sirius mumbled grumpily as he turned to pick at his own meal. "That's just bloody wonderful. I make it sound _corny_."

Lexy leaned forward in her seat directly opposite Sirius. Giving him the same encouraging smile she would have given a child, she said, "I thought it was just excellent, Sirius. It made you sound very _mature_."

If Sirius had been the type to blush, he would have. Hearing Lexy give him praise made him want to both squirm with bashfulness and puff out his chest with pride.

At first he'd been surprised by how quickly he'd fallen for her. In a matter of months it felt as if they'd always been together. As companions, at least. Sirius was hesitant on asking her out; he didn't want to breech that strong bond of trust that had surged and locked between them. But if the way she was looking at him now was any indication, she was more than ready to accept an offer from him.

It didn't matter that she was pregnant. He never forgot she was carrying; he thought it would be easy to, but it was actually quite the contrary. Expectancy—the healthy flush on her cheeks, the rounding of her body in preparation, her lumberjack appetite—suited her so well he didn't know what he would think when suddenly there would not only be one person to Alexandria Cole, but two.

He wondered if she should be a little more caught up on Simone yet. Perhaps she was just one of those people who were great at accepting what was and moving on. Now that he thought about it, he decided that anyone in Lexy's condition would have to be very much in touch with reality.

The group resumed eating. They were all so accustomed to the chatter in the Hall that it didn't bother them much. Somewhere across the room a high squeal of delight sounded, most likely from a first year. Outside the windows the sun struggled to emerge from behind the rolling clouds. A slight whistle that was the bitter October wind could be heard against the windows.

The Quidditch season was due to start the following Sunday, with a match of Hufflepuff against Ravenclaw. The weekend after that was Halloween, and to be the first Hogsmeade trip of the school year.

Lexy was just wondering if Sirius would ask her to go with him when she glanced up to see Janet walking—no, gliding—to their spot at the Gryffindor table, a triumphant and very happy grin curling her lips. Lexy didn't know whether to be scared or amused.

As soon as Janet was seated next to Peter, Lexy drawled, "What have you done?"

"I didn't _do_ anything, Alexandria. I saw something."

The three boys' heads snapped up. The only people that called Lexy by her full first name were Dumbledore, Lily, and Sirius, and even they didn't say it very often. So to hear Janet say it was extraordinary—and alarming.

"What did you see?" Sirius asked around a mouth full of roll.

Janet began filling her plate generously, the smile still on her lips. "I went upstairs to see if Lily and James were going to come down for lunch. I opened the door quietly because I didn't know if Lily would still be sleeping. Guess what I saw."

Lexy _could_ guess, but since the situation seemed to call for it, she asked impatiently, "What?"

"Lily and James were swapping spit. A _lot_ of spit. They didn't even hear me open the door."

Sirius shot up and managed to take one large step before Remus seized him by the shirt. "Let go, Remus!" He laughed. "This I have _got_ to see."

"Sirius Black, sit your arse down on that bench before I glue it there!" Janet snapped, her smile gone now. "They've had this coming for years; you won't ruin it for them now!"

Sirius reluctantly obeyed. He sat slumped, staring at his plate in awe, shaking his head. Then he slapped the table with the palm of his hand. "It's about damn time!"

Suddenly he fixed a lopsided grin across the table at Lexy. She narrowed her eyes at him. "Wanna go to Hogsmeade with me?" he asked.

It was as if Lily and James's rediscovered love was contagious, Lexy thought as she smiled softly at him. Or at least motivating. "Sure. I can do that."

Peter turned to Janet and opened his mouth to speak. Without even looking at him, she snapped, "Don't even think about it."

Remus disguised his snort as a cough.

In a few minutes the seating was rearranged so that Sirius sat by Lexy, and Janet and Peter sat next to Remus. Their day having been brightened considerably, they chatted and finished their meals. Just as they were rising to see if the weather was at least slightly enjoyable so they could take a walk outside, two of their least favorite people hailed them.

"Where's Lily?" Jordan Hawke asked with fake politeness and a toothy smile.

"And James?" Emi Chang added in the same fashion.

A silent agreement passed among the group: let Lily and James handle their own mistakes.

"We're not sure," Lexy answered. "None of us has seen either of them all day."

"I think they may still be in their dorms," Remus said. "We were just wondering ourselves; neither slept very well last night."

Emi nodded, then turned to Jordan and preceded to forget the group's presence. "I'll go get them. You wait here, I'll send Lily down to you."

Jordan went to find a place to sit as Emi exited the Hall.

* * *

"James." 

"Mmphm."

"James." Lily gently shoved his face away from her neck. "I'm hungry."

"Me, too." He bent his head toward her neck again.

Lily giggled and pushed him away. He growled. "For food, you clot."

At the mention of it, James's stomach roared with agreement. He sighed. "Sure, take her side."

He stood from where they had been seated on his bed, and held his hand out to her. With dramatic grace, Lily took it delicately and stood. He placed her hand in the crook of his arm, and off they went.

They were crossing the Common Room, ignoring the stares and whispers, wrapped in an invisible cloud of joy, when the portrait hole opened and in stepped Emi.

For one breathless moment nothing moved. Emi stared at the pair, and the pair stared back. Then she blinked, gave them a funny look and moved to pull James away from Lily.

"Jordan's waiting in the Great Hall, Lily. He wishes for you to meet him there." Then she dismissed the redhead from her mind by turning to James and asking, "What was _that_ all about?"

Lily gave James a very significant look. Eyes flicking between she and Emi, he hastily answered, "We, er, put our differences aside for a moment to discuss a…_an assignment_ that we're forced to work together on."

He glanced at Lily and winced at the stricken eyes and gaping mouth. Then she whirled and stalked out the portrait hole. Emi was nodding, though her brows were still crossed with bewilderment.

"Er, Emi darling, could you excuse me for a moment? I forgot to tell her something about the…assignment."

"All right, I'll wait in your dorm."

"Right."

He bolted out into the corridor just in time to see a flash of red hair disappear around the corner. He took off at a run, turning the corner and gaining on her quickly. Hearing his approach, however, Lily hurried her steps considerably. He only quickened his own steps. Finally she pushed herself into the first door that came along.

He reached the door, recognized it as a broom closet, and set to work undoing all the complicated locking charms she'd set on the door. It took a while, so long he began to worry about Emi getting impatient, but he eventually got inside.

It was a very, very small closet, just big enough for the two to wedge in next to each other. Knowing the closeness was a disadvantage on her defense, Lily immediately started in on him.

"You sleazy, scummy, fake, stupid, vial, slimy, smelly, _pathetic_ excuse for a human being, wizard or no! You lying, deceitful, traitorous—"

"I know, I know, I'm simply _awful_," James cut her off. His voice was low and even. "Did you ever stop to think I had perfectly good reason for not giving Emi the boot right there and then? Did you ever stop to think that maybe I just might _possibly_ have some good in my heart, enough to want to let her go quietly, in private? Did you ever stop to think that though you may hate her, and though I don't particularly care for her, she still deserves some consideration, so as not to disturb her very delicate inner balance?"

Lily, breath heaving from both the chase and the effort it took to somewhat calm her emotions, stared at him. Then, shamefaced, she slowly shook her head. "No, I didn't."

"Well, you should have. You know me better than that." When she looked down, James took her face between his hands and made her meet his eyes. "I love you. Didn't we already accomplish that?"

Lily sighed. "I love you, too. I suppose we should go sweep up our messes now, huh? You take Emi, I'll take Jordan, and we'll meet back in the Common Room at two o'clock."

"Deal." He brushed his lips across hers. "Now how do we get out of here?"

With no small amount of squirming, wiggling, bumping, and cursing, one of them was finally able to open the door. They stumbled out.

"Lily? What on earth?"

"James, what took you so long?"

James and Lily slowly straightened and turned to their respective special someone, both of whom were surveying and calculating the scene that had just been played out before them.

Lily ventured, "Jordan, I thought I was supposed to meet you in the Great Hall?"

"Yes, you were, but I got impatient waiting and decided to come get you." He took a few cautious steps forward, reached a hand out before him for her to take. She did, reluctantly, and he drew her to his side. "Why were you in a broom closet with James Potter just now?"

Knowing there was absolutely no point in beating around the bush, she took a deep breath and said, "Becausewe'dbeenstrollingdownthecorridorwhenwewereovercomewithlustsowelockedourselvesintheclosettoneck."

So it wasn't the truth, but it forced the matter out in the open. Silence ensued. Then Jordan began chuckling. Emi gave an unladylike snort. Soon both were doubled over in full-blown hysterics.

James sidled over to stand next to Lily, his hands in his pockets. They watched the other two for a moment. "I don't think they believed you," he said.

"It did sound rather ridiculous," Lily admitted.

"How do we make them believe us?"

"Perhaps a live demonstration would have some effect."

James looked at her, a mischievous smile curling his face. He took both her hands in his and brought her close. "Don't mind if I do."

When they paused for air, they noticed Jordan and Emi gaping at them with wide eyes and frowning eyebrows.

"That's not funny," Jordan announced in a low voice.

"James, stop it right now," Emi commanded.

"You can't boss me around anymore, Emi," James said as he slipped an arm around Lily's waist; she rested her head on his shoulder. "As of this moment, we're no longer together."

"Nor are we," Lily directed to Jordan.

The point had finally been driven home. Jordan's face darkened; he marched right up to the pair. James urged Lily behind him as though to protect her.

"You deceitful wench," Jordan ground out between his teeth. The tan on his face had gone ruddy, his eyes were bright with anger. "I should have expected such a traitorous act from a Mudblood."

James's eyes narrowed, but so did Lily's. She stepped around James and pushed her face into Jordan's. "Goodbye, Mr. Hawke. And good riddance."

At that Emi charged forward, lifted a hand to slap Lily, but Jordan caught it. Still glaring at Lily, he said, "Yes. Good riddance."

Emi shrieked in outrage. She moved to slap James this time, but Jordan caught her arm and began dragging her away.

"I hate you, James Potter! I _hate_ you!" she screamed dramatically.

By the time they'd turned the corner, James had clapped a hand over his eye. "That gave me an eye twitch."

"At least it's done with." Lily stood on tiptoe, peering at the errant eye. "Poor baby," she crooned. "Do you want Nurse Lily to make it all better?"

"So long as your remedy includes food. Breaking up gives me quite the appetite."

They held an impromptu luncheon in the school kitchens, their plan to have some valuable alone time. Sure enough, by dinner everyone knew about the breakups and the get-together. Students were stumbling over themselves for one look at the will-be legendary couple.

"It's about time the two of you got over yourselves," Sirius declared, his speech muffled by a mouth full of food. Lexy, seated next to him, nudged him with her swollen hip. Obediently he swallowed. "By the way, there's something I wanted to run by you two, being Heads, about the advantages of having more Hogsmeade trips…"


	21. Needing to be Needed

**Chapter 21**_ Needing to be Needed_

The next weekend Hufflepuff lost to Ravenclaw in the first match of the season. It had been an excellent match, said most of the viewers. One thing they'd noticed, though, was that the Ravenclaw Seeker, Jordan Hawke, had had an intense concentration throughout the entire match. His face had never smiled, never changed expression from the hard look of determination.

Many speculated that his demeanor was a result of the bitter falling out in the relationship he'd had with Lily Evans. Others said he was just very serious about the sport. But no matter what was thought or said, one thing was for certain: something had changed in Jordan Hawke.

The following Saturday was the Halloween Hogsmeade trip. Everyone was excited, especially the third years. But none so much as Alexandria Cole.

She was going on her first date since Simone. As she dressed for the outing, she assured herself that it was only right to be a little nervous. Surely it would be a fun experience. After all, Sirius was the last guy she'd expect to be boring.

"Lexy, are you sure you can stand to walk all the way there?" Lily asked, glancing down at her friend's quickly swelling belly. She and Janet were sitting on the end of Lexy's bed in the sixth year girls' dormitory, waiting for their friend to finish. "It has to be at least a good mile."

"Of course I'll be fine." Lexy saw Lily and Janet exchange dubious looks. "Really, you two, the exercise will be good for me. And I'm used to walking long distances, anyway. I swear it takes fifteen minutes just to go from class to class in this place."

"All right, if you say so."

"I do."

Lexy finished and the three made their way down to the Common Room. There they joined the Marauders before continuing down to the Entrance Hall to check out. There was a problem with Lexy, seeing as she hadn't a signed permission slip from her parents. Suddenly Dumbledore was there, claiming to be her guardian and giving her permission to go.

Lily and James led the way down the path, arm in arm, followed by Lexy and Sirius, who were holding hands. Bringing up the rear were Janet, Remus, and Peter; the entire way the three argued which candy was the best at Honeyduke's, and tried to ignore the feeling that they were extra wheels.

Lexy was tense with anticipation when they reached the gate. She stared at it as the group approached, gnawing on her bottom lip, not noticing with James looked at Sirius over his shoulder and signaled for them to take the lead.

One hand ready to push the gate open, Sirius smiled at Lexy. "Ready?"

Hormones raging with excitement, she commanded, "Just open it!"

He complied, and Lexy rushed through. Then stopped. There was yet a small distance to walk before they actually entered the village, but from a distance it still amazed her.

Sirius came to stand next to her. Taking her hand, he said, "Come on."

Past the tracks of Hogsmeade Station, the streets were crowded with natives and students alike. Lexy couldn't ever have had enough eyes. The Marauders were for giving her a full tour first, then going shopping. However, Lily and Janet took James aside and discreetly told him that they thought Lexy should rest a few minutes first. Luckily, the Three Broomsticks was the first building they came to.

The group waved when Rosmerta called a greeting across the tavern from behind the bar. The boys found them all a table and they took their seats. Remus and Janet collected everyone's money and went to get drinks. Lexy reminded them that she wanted pumpkin juice.

"Who was that woman you lot waved to when we came in?" Lexy asked. She had to raise her voice slightly to be heard over the din.

James answered, "That's Madam Rosmerta, the proprietor. The Marauders are frequent customers; she's rather fond of us. I'd wager even now she's chatting up Moony trying to find out the latest gossip. Not to mention asking who you are."

Lexy looked startled, then shook her head. "It feels like I've been at Hogwarts for ages already. Sometimes I forget some people around here have never seen me before."

"Don't worry," he reassured her, "Remus won't tell her anything he doesn't think you would want her to know. Nice guy, Remus is."

"Yes, I've noticed he seems to be the most reasonable out of all of you." Lexy raised her brow.

James grinned. "In a band so mischievous and trouble-making as that of the Marauders, surely there must be one reasonable compeer." Delighted with the world in general now that Lily's in his life once more, he settled back in his chair. "He's smart, generous, conscientious, _reasonable_, peaceable—and practically any synonym of those words." He glanced at the object of his monologue, whom was on his way back to the table. Quickly James added, "But despite all those attributes, there's still something…dangerous about him."

Lexy had been listening raptly. "Dangerous? Remus?" She glanced at him. "Yes," she said thoughtfully. "Yes, I suppose I've noticed there is something about him…"

While Remus and Janet handed out orders, Sirius looked significantly at his best friend, as if to say, "What the hell are you doing?" James shrugged, meaning, "She's got to find out sometime."

Sirius agreed, but as he took the first sip of his butterbeer, he hoped that "sometime" wouldn't ruin their date.

* * *

They decided to start at the end of High Street and work their way back to the Three Broomsticks. Sirius was relieved when Lexy's nose wrinkled at Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop; he wouldn't have to take her there. James cursed when they entered Dervish and Banges, for he'd forgotten that he'd wanted to bring his broom along on the trip so it could be repaired.

"I don't know why you would bother," said Lily candidly. "With the kind of money your family has, you could just buy a new one."

"But I don't want a new one," James protested, looking over a display of broomstick servicing kits. "A new one has to be broken in, in a way. One has to develop a feel for it, learn to control it. Temperamental things, broomsticks can be." He paused in thought. "Though I don't think I've ever had one be very disagreeable with me."

Behind his back Lily and Janet rolled their eyes at each other.

Lily and Lexy bought some extra quills at Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop. They didn't dare enter Gladrags, the boys not wanting to risk the chance of the girls suddenly embarking on a spree to buy things they'll never wear. For the same reason the girls pushed the boys past Zonko's.

"But the Halloween Feast!" they objected. "What will we do at the Halloween Feast!"

"No reason to worry," Lily said assuredly, with a hint of resignation in her tone. "You lot will think of _something_."

They did linger in Honeydukes. The moment they crossed the threshold, the three girls made a beeline for the chocolate stands. The Marauders spread out to find their favorites. When they finally left, each member had an assortment of the candy they preferred.

Last was the Shrieking Shack. Remus hesitated before following the group up the path.

"What's so spooky about this place?" Lexy asked, wanting to hear it again as they walked.

"It's just rumored in the village that very unhappy ghosts reside there," Lily answered. "Some say they can hear screams and bangs sometimes when the ghosts are particularly unhappy. The place looks downright creepy, too."

This information only seemed to make Lexy more eager to take a look at the shack. She quickened her step. "I wonder if the spirits are restless today." Her eyes glittered with anticipation.

The Marauders shared a look. "Maybe," Sirius said.

They reached the fence and gazed upon the quiet shack for a few solumn minutes. It looked rickety and old; all the entrances and windows were boarded up. Occasionally it creaked with age. Finally Lexy let out a big sigh. "Doesn't seem particularly active." She began to study the fence. She leaned on it, testing her weight against the sturdiness.

"What are you doing?" Remus burst when Lexy began to scale the fence.

"I'm going to get a closer look," she announced. "I want to see what's inside."

He looked as if he was about to tell exactly _what_ he thought about that, but then beside him Sirius shrugged. "What could it hurt?" he demanded in a low voice before following the blonde. "Keep watch for people coming up the path."

The others watched them advance toward the shack. Lexy was about halfway across the yard when she went rigid and collapsed. Sirius shouted her name and ran to her, the others quickly jumping the fence to follow his example.

When they surrounded her and all started talking at once, Lexy raised her voice to be heard. "I'm fine!" she assured them. She struggled to sit up. "Suddenly I just—well, it felt like I walked into a brick wall."

Lily reached out a hand and felt the space in front of her. Sure enough, she met something solid. "Must be some sort of security someone's put around the shack," she said. "So no fearless persons get too close."

Lexy slapped the ground. "I really wanted to see what it was like inside."

"There's nothing much, really." James realized his mistake as soon as the words left his mouth. Lily tried to kill him with her eyes.

Lexy narrowed her own as she stood up, Sirius gripping her elbow. "You've been in there." It wasn't a question.

"Er—"

"Well?" She looked around at each of the Marauders. "What's it like? Did you see any ghosts? Footsteps upstairs, strange music suddenly playing? Anything?"

The group started walking back to the fence. "Nothing like that, no," James answered cautiously. "There's some old furniture collecting dust. It's dark because everything's boarded up. Not that exciting."

"Give you a chill, though, right up your spine." Peter shrugged. "The atmosphere, I reckon."

Lexy gave a light shudder just thinking about it. She let Sirius help her over the fence. "How do you get in there?"

"In a way that wouldn't be possible for you in your condition," Remus said in a hard voice.

She scoffed disgustedly. "Fine. Don't tell me. I'll just find out for myself."

"You will not," Sirius disagreed firmly.

"I'm not an invalid, you know," Lexy informed him, getting heated. She glared. "Just pregnant. Don't tell me what I will or will not do."

Sirius spun to face her, not so much angry as wanting to get his point across. "Look, Alexandria, as long as you have a bun baking in your oven, you can't be reckless. You can't risk the baby."

Indignant and outraged, Lexy tried to grab back the pride of which he'd just stripped her. She wouldn't have him making her feel like she wasn't being a smart mother. She faced him squarely. "Of course I wouldn't risk the baby! How could you think I would _want_ to harm it?"

"That's not what he meant, Lex," Lily said softly. When the couple shot daggers at her with their eyes, she hastily began pushing the rest of the group back toward the village. "Let's leave them to their spat."

"Don't have to tell me twice," Janet mumbled and she led the way.

Sirius waited until his friends were out of earshot, then turned back to her. In a low voice, he said, "I never said you were trying to harm it. That's not what I meant, Lexy. I meant however much you want to, you can't go traipsing off on an adventure trying to find the secret entrance to a ghost house."

"I know!"

"I know you know," he told her. "But that doesn't mean you've realized. There are two of you now."

"Stop it!" It was demeaning, having him talk to her this way, as if she was some gallivanting, carefree rolling stone who didn't know what was happening to the world around her, let alone to her own body. As if she didn't wake up in the morning to find her stomach bigger, her breasts more tender, her feet more swollen. As if her clothes didn't have to magically readjust themselves every week to accommodate her swelling body.

She spun away, fists clenched at her sides. She was so angry, yet she wanted to weep, too. She also wanted to slap Sirius, then hug him. Damn hormones.

Finally she turned to face him again. The blue in her eyes had cooled. Sirius fought the urge to shiver, and not only from the biting October wind.

"I can't believe I'm hearing this, from _you_ of all people!" Her teeth were clenched as she walked up to stand toe to toe with him. "The wild, promiscuous Sirius Black, lady's man of Hogwarts."

He seemed unaffected by her would-be insults. "A proud title, to be sure. But Lexy," he took a step toward her, leaning down close. "You're the only _lady_ this man has been seen with as of late."

She didn't know how to retort. Then a sudden thought crossed her mind. She gasped. "They'll think you're the father."

Sirius nodded, having apparently already come to that conclusion. "I've been thinking about it a lot lately."

Lexy was still reeling from her revelation. "Of course. _Of course._ I can't believe I never… They'll think we had a summer fling, made a mistake, and something happened that I had to come back to school with you. Oh, God, what to _do_?"

"Let them believe it." When she looked at him in shock, he shrugged, uncomfortable. "Like I said, I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and honestly… I don't think I'd mind being thought the father."

"But you're _not_," Lexy reminded him.

"So? They won't know that." His eyes caught hers and held firm. "And if everything goes my way, I'll be as good as."

The statement—the _threat,_ in Lexy's way of thinking—hung between them. Tension snapped in the air. She was struck speechless; his mind was set.

"_What?"_ she finally burst. "_What?_ You _want_ to be the father? Have you absolutely gone _mental?_" He looked away and shook his head in frustration. She continued to rant. "You are _seventeen years old_, Sirius Bloody Black! We just met a few months ago! _This is our first date!_ I don't even _know_ you!"

He opened his mouth to speak, probably to place argument and protest, but she wouldn't let him.

"And here you are, claiming you want to take the place of father of a child that's not even yours! You're nuttier than squirrel poop! Do you honestly _think_ that you—wild, promiscuous, lady's-bloody-man Sirius Black—would be happy changing nappies and waking at odd hours of the night for a feeding? No!" She screamed it. "No! No, no, no!"

With that she turned away and started marching down the path toward the village. She hadn't taken two steps before he was pulling her back, making her listen to _him_ now.

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes! I do want to change soiled nappies"—Lord, he sounded ridiculous saying that—"and wake up every few hours to feed it. I _do,_ Lexy. I've thought it all threw, not just the good things, but the disgusting aspects, too! I know what I'll be taking on. Lord, how could I not? I'd be responsible for another human being—"

"That's exactly my point!" she cut in. "Have you ever had any real responsibilities, Sirius? Have you ever felt like the weight of the world hanging on your shoulders?"

Through his mind flashed brief images of his family, of the Sorting in his first year, of his friends. "Yes."

Lexy opened her mouth, then shut it, realizing that she hadn't thought he'd say that. She didn't know what to say now.

"Yes, I have," he repeated quietly. With her off guard, he took advantage by placing his hand on her swollen abdomen. He watched her eyes. "I can't explain it, Alexandria, but I'm saying this, suggesting this, because I… because I feel this _bond_ with you, and because I want the responsibility. I _want_ this baby, Lex. Over the past few months of knowing you, being around you, supporting you, I realized I…" He swallowed and looked away. "I need to be needed." His eyes found hers again. "I want _you_ to need me. I want this baby to need me, to depend on me. I need to grow up, and this will help me to do that."

"Your friends need you," Lexy countered quietly. "James, Remus, Peter, Janet, Lily—they need you."

"But they're not you, Lex," he told her. "And you're not just my friend."

* * *

"Do you think she killed him?" This cheerfully came from James. Sitting next to him, Lily slapped his arm. "Ow! Why are you always hitting me? Are you some kind of sadist?"

"No, but I was once the leader of a cult."

"What cult?"

"The 'I Hate James Potter' cult, of course." She patted his cheek belittlingly. "You needn't worry, though, dear; we've disbanded."

"How heartening," he muttered as he took a gulp of butterbeer.

The remaining members of the group sat in a booth at the Three Broomsticks, waiting for Lexy and Sirius.

"So." Peter leaned forward avidly. "How do you think she did it?"

"Did wha—?"

"Limb from limb," James answered over her. "Definitely limb from limb. _Every_ limb." He wiggled his eyebrows. All three Marauders shuddered appreciatively.

Janet shook her head. "Too messy. I think she seduced him right there on the path, then when he was on his back, she caught him off guard and strangled him."

"Janet!" Lily gasped. But she couldn't hold back a giggle at the image: timid little Lexy, straddling her victim's chest, blushing as she placed her hands around his throat.

At that moment, the couple themselves stepped into the pub, whole, healthy, and smiling. Lily waved to get their attention. "We've already bought your drinks."

The group chatted for a few minutes. The five wanted to know what had happened between Lexy and Sirius that had them growling at each other one minutes, glowing the next. The couple refused to answer, wanting to keep their secret to themselves for now.

As the group was walking back toward Hogwarts, Lily asked Lexy, "Well, what did you think about Hogsmeade?"

Lexy seemed to think for moment. She was staring at Sirius, who was walking with the Marauders ahead of the three girls.

"Surprising," she finally said with a soft smile alighting her mouth. "Pleasantly surprising."

* * *

Late on Hallow's Eve, she hurried through dark corridors. She was walking fast, scared of and thrilled by the chance of being caught.

She went to the place at which they'd agreed to meet. He was there already, just as he'd promised. She rushed into his arms, letting him make her feel safe, letting him protect her from the shadows and the silence.

"What have you discovered?" he asked.

"I did just as you wanted," she told him. "I looked through all her things. And I found this." She proudly pulled the thick, hardcovered book from under her robes. _"Guide to Pregnancy,"_ she read.

He smiled. "Perfect."


End file.
